Original Air Date
Never aired

Summary Capsule
The clerks go mano-a-mano with evil corporate Leonardo Leonardo (who builds a Quicker Stop).

Justin's Review
It's kinda ironic that this "pilot" episode was never aired on ABC (ABC decided that this was one of the weaker episodes, and showed Episode 4 first). Quick note: The Star Wars movies go through Episode 6 right now... and so did Clerks the Cartoon! How uninteresting!

Evil billionaire Leonardo Leonardo returns to the town of Leonardo and tries to run the clerks at Quick Stop out of business. Dante and Randal aren't very concerned, but pretty much just plod through the day inflicting mortal harm on others. While not overly hysterical, there are shining moments. Exhibit A, a reference to Canada, where Maple Leaf loinclothed citizens live in "Mon-Tree-All". They're so cute, I want a Canadian of my own!

And there is something so laughably pathetic in Leonardo Leonardo, who sees the clerks as his arch-nemeses, even though they really don't care less. While LL launches some sort of vague plan, Dante and Randal launch some sort of vague anti-plan to stop him. It's got one of those quickie, tacked-on endings that never seem to work very well, but you can't lambast it because there is the Maze of Death. And Robot Chickens.

Episodes 1 through 3 have "Safety Tips with Jay and Silent Bob" epilogues, which are genius sketched onto 2D. This episode has a supposedly "silent" Silent Bob and Jay advising kids to take care of their campsite. It's a well appreciated reference to those moronic safety tips that shows like "Superfriends" and "G.I. Joe" would tack on at the end ("Kids, don't play with matches at a gas station. Knowing is half the battle!") of their shows.

Didja Notice?

• "Previously on Clerks..." They show the color bars (since this was the first show)
• Silence of the Lambs reference
• "Clerks Burn in Hell" is on both the outside shutter and the window
• Steve-Dave and Walt in the front row of the crowd
• In the hall of mirrors, a hologram of Leonardo Leonardo appears in the moving eggs with Dante and Randal, a joke referring to Disney World's Haunted Mansion
• The Canadians form a human pyramid to make a telephone call
• Batropes and flowerpot crashing gags
• The ending refers to "The Secret Diary of Desmond Pfiefer", a VERY short-lived sitcom about a black aide to President Lincoln

Groovy Quotes
Randal: Is it safe? Is it safe?

Dante: It puts the lotion on its skin and puts it in the basket.
Randal: Shut up!

Customer: Can you guys vulcanize my tires while I wait?

Dante: Are you crazy? These kids could really hurt themselves with this stuff!
Jay: Hurt themselves? Heck, they could blow their hand off!

Randal: "Earn your keep." You talk like such a Mo sometimes.

Guy: Don't you know? HE has returned!
Randal: Uh oh, who? Jesus?

Announcer: But it was Leonardo Leonardo who made his famous expedition into the fabled Canadas, long thought uninhabitable by civilized man!

Jay: [looking at a tower] That looks like a big bong! [sees a small dog] That looks like a big bong too!

Dante: "Pay as you exit"? This is your plan? Wasn't this what the customers were doing already?
Randal: Kind of. I guess. Shut up.

Leonardo Leonardo: Bring this Quick Stop... to me.
Mr. Plug: Sir, it's a store.

Randal: Looks like it was built by a re-re.

Randal: Is this some sort of gay thing?
Leonardo Leonardo: No.
Randal: You're sure?
Leonardo Leonardo: Yeeees.

Leonardo Leonardo: I'm sorry, the window for getting a call into Canada only happens once a week.

Leonardo Leonardo: [talking to Canadians on the phone] No, it's not evil spirits! It's rain! RAIN! Fine, try and kill it.

Leonardo Leonardo: I see. Well played. [claps]

Randal: I think we should go with that maze thing.
Dante: The maze... of death.
Randal: That's the one! Let's go.

Randal: Phase 39, Robot Chickens!

Dante: Phase 63, the dome launches into space and nukes the earth from orbit.
Randal: It's the only way to be sure.

Dante: I've seen this one a thousand times. It won a Humanitus.
Randal: What's that?
Dante: An award for TV shows that don't use words like "retarded".
Randal: That's retarded. And queer.

Jay: Hi, I'm Jay!
Silent Bob: And I'm Silent Bob!
Charles Barkley: And I'm Charles Barkley!
Jay: What the hell are you doing here?

Jay: Kids, if Silent Bob could talk, he'd remind you that when you're camping, it's always smart to tie your food up in a tree at night so as not to attract bears.
Silent Bob: Word.