The Tenth Annual Mutant Awards: 2007

Vampires from Underworld

For a genre that has such potential to be creative and should be unhampered by rules, fantasy shames itself by consistently abusing the same old critters. Unicorns (a horse with a horn on its head. Whee). Elves (can we all stop ripping off Tolkien now?). Dragons (how can people make a flying, fire-breathing reptile lame? I'm not sure, but they manage.). Vampires (sex fiends in leather who drink blood. Ew.). Say what you like about The Dark Crystal, but at least they came up with some new critters for a change.

It makes me sad that there were so many options to choose from for Abuse of Stock Fantasy Creatures, because I do love fantasy and I can't really disagree with too many of these. But onward to the results!

Most of you agreed that Buckbeak the Hippogriff (are Hippogriffs even stock fantasy creatures?) was pretty cool, as he only got 3.2% of the vote. Ferngully: The Last Rainforest also did not arouse much ire, pulling in 5.6%. Most of us don't get too worked up about giant spiders in Eight Legged Freaks or orcs, even if they were in one of the lamest fantasy movies ever (Dungeons and Dragons), as both garnered 6.9% of the vote. Harry Potter did manage to continue to rack up some voting, with Grawp (who also sucked in the book) getting 10.1% of the vote and werewolf-Lupin (a.k.a. the shaved cat) getting 11.7%. Incidentally, the Harry Potter franchise managed to capture 25% of the vote, which would have put it in second place.

Third place goes to the dragons in Reign of Fire (12.5%), because Reign of Fire was lame and utterly lacking in common sense, even if some really hot guys took off their shirts. I believe this is completely justified. Also justified is Falcor's second place finish with 14.1% of the vote, because as I said before, dragons are fire-breathing, flying reptiles, not dorky plush animals. But nothing was as annoying as the Eruotrash vampires of Underworld, who won out with 29% of the vote.

You know you're doing something wrong when you make vampires boring, I suppose!

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