The Tenth Annual Mutant Awards: 2007

Army of Darkness

Ahhh, history. If only Mr. McFarland from the 9th grade had known this, History has always been one of my favorite subjects. True, my test scores were mediocre. True, I thought homework was something that other people did. I still liked history. In fact, the older I get, and the more my life becomes...historical...the more interested I am. (Seriously, I'm probably the only person alive who remembers reading a story book about Lyndon B. and Ladybird Johnson as a kid. I may be the only one at MRFH who actually knows who Lyndon B. and Ladybird Johnson were!)

In any case, as I'm in a scholarly mood, let me share a quote with you regarding the subject of history:

"Who does not know that the first law of historical writing is the truth?" - Cicero

Hollywood, Cicero. That's who! I mean, duh, dude!

Yes, whether it be for dramatic effect, better storytelling or even just fun with props, Hollywood rewrites history more often than it gets liposuction. Yes, really that often. Let us see then, how our voters judged the fabrications of the world we thought we knew!

Our very clear winner, with 21.4% of the vote was the (and I quote): "Highly accurate portrayal of life during the Middle Ages as presented in the Army of Darkness". Waid, I don't get it. You mean...it wasn't really like that?

Second place and a pibroch on the bagpipes goes to Braveheart for...well, practically everything in the movie that made it fun and exciting. Whaddya mean the Battle of Stirling Bridge actually took place on a bridge?!

We had two third place winners with a tie vote. (Hey, did you know that the Vietnam war was a tie? Really!) With 12.9% of the vote to each, give a lukewarm round of applause to Honest Abe Lincoln's partying in Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure and to Bubba Ho-Tep for clarifying what the tabloids have been telling us for years about Elvis and JFK.

Rounding out the lower places are as follows: (Well, maybe not exactly as follows. I mean, it depends who you ask...)

• 300 - The battle of Thermopylae - 11.7% (But don't we all wish Leonidas was really that buff?)
• Pearl "I think World War II just started!" Harbor - 10.1%
• Pocahontas (Hey, did you know Christian Bale was in two movies about Pocahontas?!) - 8.9%
• Troy (You know, according to a very reliable source, Helen's face wasn't that great. It only launched a hundred ships, not a thousand.) - 6.5%
• Escape From New York - (I'd still want to escape from there though.) - 2.4%

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