The Eleventh Annual Mutant Awards: 2008

The Grandfather from
The Princess Bride

My momma always said, "Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." Well, it's the AMAs, and I've got the category of Best Voiceover Narration. How about that?

As far back as I can remember, I've kind of liked movies with voiceover narrations. It gives a sense of context, and sometimes it can be really funny and at other times really poignant. While some of them can admittedly be stale and an excuse for poor story telling, others actually become unforgettable parts of the movie.

Only one thing in the world could've dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex (aka this article) gleaming in the window. Okay, that's a total lie. I've been distracted from writing this by my kids, a Facebook conversation, and a Battlestar Galactica fanfic. But I am here to present an award, and truthfully I find I'm so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. Except we all know where I'm going, so that's kind of out.

My destination: Best Voiceover Narration in a film… (drumroll, please)

In third place, we have the adult Ralphie from A Christmas Story (14%), which I confess I've never seen because it gives my husband the twitches given his Urkel-watching brothers' love for this movie. I can understand that. Second place goes to Red in Shawshank Redemption (18.9%), which is totally deserved and kind of sums at that poignant thing I was talking about. But the number one, all time best voiceover narration (and as soon as I saw the nomination I knew this was going to win) is the Grandfather in The Princess Bride (19.7%).

See? I told you it would win.

Yes, you're very smart. Now shut up.

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