The MRFH 2003 Revue

More than any other year in Kylehistory, 2003 was the year of the DVD. Which was helpful, since I was too busy with university madness to ever go the movies. I mean, in the spring I did ditch some friday classes to go to the theater, and in the fall I ditched sometimes to go, and in the summer I just went whenever I wanted to. But for the most part, I saw stuff as rentals or as purchases when I was certain of their worthiness. It’s not a bad way to live. Somehow, despite watching most everything at home, I still had to deal with sticky floors... because I spilled my soda a lot. Where did you think I was going with that? Gross!

I became even more critical of films this year, because as I started the monumental task of replacing my VHS collection with DVDs I had to decide which of my old favorites were worth updating. Unsurprisingly, some just didn’t make the cut. I realized that while they were cool to catch on cable or something, if I didn’t own them it wouldn’t kill me. They just lacked that special charm and/or greatness that was necessary for a spot in the Kyle Film Library.

I don’t want to mention the lesser movies, because you should read every Mutant review there is and figure that out on your own. I will mention that Real Genius, The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the Eighth Dimension, Clueless, LA Story, Weekend at Bernie’s, The Thing, Aliens, and To Live and Die in LA are fabulous! There are actually a ton more that I could mention, but those are the ones that I bought and really enjoyed having around to watch whenever I wanted in DVD quality image. Yes! Of course, having Batman and Batman Returns around was the absolute best, because I reminded myself that not only were these some of Tim Burton’s best work and easily the best superhero films ever (really!) but that I am Batman. You know it!

2003 was actually a pretty cool year for movies. I mean, every year is, when you think about it, but 2003 was quite fun. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl was easily the surprise of ’03 for me in terms of entertainment and how great Johnny Depp is. It made me finally rent Sleepy Hollow, which was worth seeing. And Keira Knightly: rrraow! The Matrix Reloaded was a fun experience, though the movie didn’t hold up. I have yet to see the final film: who cares? Ditto for the third Lord of the Rings film: I’ll get to it eventually, probably. My friend Scott was like “Oh my gosh, the extended versions add so much to the first two! You have to see them!” and I was like “dude, I already wasted 3 hours each on those movies, no way I’m sitting through them again just to see more boring stuff.” Sorry to keep it so real, LOTR fans!

Thinking about it, and deciding against the monotony of examining EVERY SINGLE 2003 FILM, let me sum up everything by saying this: when it came to new movies, 2003 really knocked my expectations on the butt (metaphorically). But that was fine. They opened a pretty good Italian restaurant right next to the Krikorian theaters in Redlands, and they give you a big basket of breads with a bowl of oil to dip in. Yum! I mean, I was expecting Wrong Turn, Terminator 3, X2, Freaky Friday, and Freddy vs. Jason to be junky. But they were great! Of course, I went into stuff like Bruce Almighty, Bad Boys II, S.W.A.T., and 2 Fast 2 Furious (among others) expecting nominal entertainment, but usually left feeling I had only gotten ½ to ¾ of my money back. Oh well. At least Bad Boys II had the really funny scene where they torment the dude who came to date the one guy’s daughter. And it was full of profanity! Yes!

Kyle Brings World Peace

So let’s see. It would be nice to give you a Top Ten 2003 Releases list, but I hate lists. Plus, ranking those things is a pain. By the time it’s posted, I’ll totally be like “oh, wait, I forgot that one movie with that young blonde and what was I thinking putting What A Girl Wants on my list?” Though What A Girl Wants is quite good; go rent it now! So I’ll just give you a list in the form of one big paragraph where the films are in no particular order, unless I specifically say they are, in which case I’m just as confused as you are.

Well, actually, Old School is easily my Film of 2003. Not only is the film totally funny, but the DVD is fantastic with the deleted scenes and the “Inside the Actor’s Studio Spoof” with Will Ferrell as James Lipton. Ah-mazing, and I have many friends with whom I can communicate exclusively with quotes from the film and the DVD extras. “You are TOUGH!” and “Sure” and “I look at you, and I look into the dull lifeless eyes of a mannequin!” are instantly hilarious for me, yet will only have meaning for you if you’ve seen the DVD. Go see the DVD, please. 28 Days Later was a big surprise for me and a group of friends: we went expecting a pure zombie movie, and got something else altogether. Some didn’t like it while some of us really did. Those of us who did like, though, prefer the “happy” ending to the other alternatives. I guess we’re just a happy bunch here in California (‘cause the sun is shining all the time!). Freddy vs. Jason, far from being the potential train wreck it could have been (think of the F13 and Nightmares sequels’ varying quality and tell me you weren’t worried too!), was incredible, a revelation, probably my favorite of all the Nightmares and up there with the best of the Fridays. Who am I kidding? This was the best film with Jason and Freddy ever, and if I could magically switch Monica Keena (who is good) with Katharine Isabelle (who is great) in FvsJ, it would be the greatest film of all time!!!!

Whew, paragraph break! Down With Love came highly recommended by my mom and several of my friends. I trust none of their opinions, so I was honestly surprised by how much fun this movie was! I still don’t think much of Renee, who may or may not require a first-name accent and I don’t care anyway, but the movie is a heck of a lot of fun in a warm-hearted spoofy kinda way, and that’s my way, baby! Freaky Friday was another just-plain-fun movie that updated the “classic” version they showed us in my elementary school gym when weather cancelled outdoor recess. Fun times! Final Destination 2 and Wrong Turn were also both fun times, but in somewhat different ways. Horror rules! Well-done thoughtful spoof fun is also my bag, which is why A Mighty Wind makes my list! Pirates of the Caribbean is easily on the list as well, even though I sometimes finding myself speeding through the Keira scenes to get to Depp stuff, which makes me feel weird later on.

I guess my last Top Ten movie would be one from back in the day, called Liquid Sky. My friend e recommended, so I won it on eBay and watched it. It is insane and crazy, and it makes me want to both tell everyone to see it and also rip out my own eyes from the horrors I have witnessed. Hey, thanks, e! Maybe you can chip in for my therapy bills? And, just to cheat a little, I finally saw Woody Allen’s Stardust Memories and that’s fantastic as well! Pretentious? Maybe. But I’m pretentious and elitist as well (thanks, Lindsay!) so I really dug it. Great stuff!

So, in closing, 2003 kicked major butt in terms of giving me cinematic entertainment that I really enjoyed. I could go on and on about the greatness of the multiple versions of Hamlet I’ve bought, or the simple fact that having the adventures of Indiana Jones on DVD has improved my posture and made me more attractive to the opposite sex, but I’ve got to save some of this stuff for my 2004 Mutant reviews. Thanks for reading, and here’s to another new and hopefully great year of movies!

P.S. – Not get the hopes of the MRFH faithful up too much, but my final purchases on the last day of 2003 were a jar of nacho cheese, Survival Sickness by The (International) Noise Conspiracy, and Brazil: The Criterion Collection “Where hearts were entertaining June...”