The MRFH 2004 Revue

Well it looks as if we've survived 2004, Drew, although it was a pretty near thing when the assassin squad came around just after we'd joined the MRFH staff. I still don't know if they were sent by disgruntled co-applicants or as sort of a welcome wagon by the rest of the mutants. Personally I blame PoolMan — those kilts were a dead giveaway. Anyway, here we are, on the leading edge of the new year and nervously glancing back over our shoulders at the old. I'm sure you're looking forward to the next 12 months as the next big adventure in your young life, and me, I'm counting gray hairs and having to adjust the curfews in my house so that the kids are now going to bed after I do. In any case, since we've each got a half year of Mutantlyness under our belts, it seems appropriate that we each chip in our six months worth and review the year together.

Right you are, Sue, though I think the dead ninja I sent back to PoolMan for Christmas might give us a little breathing room… we’ll see.

I liked the antlers and jingle bells particularly. Very festive in the spirit of the season.

Anyway, while the year's biggest news was undoubtedly the addition of two stunningly attractive, intelligent, yet remarkably modest individuals to the coolest website in the world, we're not here to talk about Nick & Jessica. No, it's time for a look back at the year at large; and while I still have doubts about whether they bother shipping new movies to Wisconsin, I'm impressed enough by your prodigious lifespan and invention of new words (Mutantlyness?) not to care. So without further ado, let's go to work!

Of course they ship new movies to Wisconsin. At the moment, we're eagerly anticipating our very first "talkies", although the organist is having a royal conniption over the whole thing. The mayor and the town council had to give her a nice cup of tea and sit her in a quiet corner for a while, when they broke the news. Seriously though, when I think back over memorable movie experiences of 2004, Spider-Man 2 is probably the movie that really sticks (pun intended) in my mind. This might be because I saw it three times — or maybe just because I had to pre-emptively clap my hand over my younger offspring's eyes for the scarier parts. Her post-Terminator night terrors are quite enough, thank you very much. Anyway, it was a decent movie... not great as far as I'm concerned, but good entertainment. I guess the biggest dud I had the misfortune to shell out hard earned money for was Wicker Park with Josh "Tree Sloths make excellent pets!" Hartnett. It wasn't a bad movie per se — especially if you like using movie theaters for power napping. A lesser known '04 movie that's had a lasting impact on yours truly, was Young Adam. Not many people in the U.S. got to check this one out because it was NC-17 and maybe too artsy fartsy for mainstream, but it was unsettling enough to stick in my craw long term.

I think I’m finally past the point where an NC-17 rating instantly sends a giddy jolt of anticipation through my system (thank you, Showgirls), but that does sound like one I’d be interested in checking out; I’m not sure I’d exactly say I ENJOYED Kids, but I’m definitely glad I saw it. In terms of memorable movies this year, though, two stick out above any others. As anyone who’s read my little-kid-on-pixie-sticks review of Spider-Man 2 knows, that was THE big movie for me this summer. And now, having weighed the criticisms about slow pacing and melodrama, having had time to step back and reflect further… I’m sorry, it’s still just friggin’ awesome. For me, the acid test of any comic movie is whether it feels like the definitive writer of that book had a major hand in the script. X-Men felt like Chris Claremont was right there consulting on it, James O’Barr actually DID work on The Crow, and Spidey 2 — well, it just had Stan “The Man” Lee written all over it. ‘Nuff said.

But man cannot live on blockbusters alone, and I’m proud to say that I actually did see a couple of films this year with no explosions, car chases, or talking animals involved. Of them, the one I enjoyed most would have to be Garden State. Definitely a case of the journey being more important than the destination, it’s not the most original story, but it’s told in a fun, relatable way and foreshadows some good cult fodder in Zach Braff’s future. (Plus, aside from being successful and funny and talented and all that, the man knows his independent music — I really can’t say enough about that soundtrack, no wonder it sold the movie.) And speaking of Natalie Portman…

It’s just like you’re reading my mind. Yup, as far as what I'm looking forward to, the top of my list has to be (fool that I am) Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith. Considering that the Star Wars series stretches over the course of my entire life (except the late sixties and early seventies which I don't remember much of anyway — heck, probably no one does) I have many burning questions that beg to be answered. No, not about the story. I want to know if George will get a ghostwriter, if the actors will be allowed to... I dunno, act. And I want to see Jar-Jar Binks dropped into the Sarlaac where he will be slowly digested for a bazillion years. I will take a moment though to state my utter relief that (at least from the boffo article I saw in Vanity Fair) it appears that Obi-Wan Kenobi has lost the mullet. Hair extensions are so un-Jedi. And as it's set two years beyond Attack of the Clones one can hope that Anakin has finally achieved a mentality beyond puberty. Teenage rebellion might be of the Dark Side, but let's get serious here, George!

For years Mr. Lucas has been promising us that this one will be a darker movie, and frankly, it really has to be at this point… nothing less than another Empire will allow him to even give Peter Jackson a run for his money. I think we all suspect Jar-Jar will eat a laser blast at some point, I’m just hoping they don’t try to milk it for a lot of dramatic anguish or some nonsense like that. George, we’re all big fans of the concept and the early movies, but please — do I need to refer you back to the AMA Sidekick Award? We want more lightsabers, less “romance,” more of Natalie’s bared midriff, and one hell of an Obi-Wan/ Anakin duel. It’s your last chance to win us back, buddy; please, don’t let us down.

The other up and comer that sort of piques my interest is The Island, with Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johannson. I can't be the only one seeing the irony of McGregor playing... you guessed it, a clone. (Considering his other big '05 roles will be as the voices of a robot and a... okay, a pigeon, I'll take what I can get.) I know Michael Bay is running the show for this one, which probably means it's going to be a crappariffic blockbuster with all the artistic merit of a dead beetle, but any movie that has Ewan AND earned me a cool half a mil on the Hollywood Stock Exchange, has my eternal loyalty.

A dead beetle, devoid of artistic merit? Clearly you’ve never seen modern art. Philistine.

For myself, there’s a few upcoming flicks that I’m eagerly anticipating, and several others that I’m reeeeally leery about. The success of Spidey’s second film guarantees us another round of comic book movies, some of which will be good and some of which will just be. Though I’m honor-bound to support my smoking-hot fellow alumnus Jennifer Garner (go Denison!), I’ve never been a huge fan of the character Elektra, and I’m wondering whether a B-lister is enough to get audiences in seats; guess we’ll find out. Constantine attempts to reinvent a cynical, deadpan, chainsmoking Brit as a Californian played by Keanu Reeves… interesting direction to go in there. *cough* Meanwhile, Fantastic Four has some impressive names attached to it, but whether that’ll translate to a good movie is still up for grabs. And then of course there’s the Man-Thing (don’t ask), which really sounds like it should be an entirely different kind of movie altogether. But on the other hand, Sin City looks terrific, and I’m already salivating over the trailers for Batman Begins (no rubber nipples!), which has the potential to bring Batman back to the true essence of the character. It’s about damn time.

On the non-comic front, if Silent Hill is even half as scary as the video games it’s based on, I think we’ve found Kyle’s new favorite movie. King Kong looks to be one of the few films you really want to see remade, and I have every intention of bringing my towel into the first screening of The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy like a good little geek. And as a true Jersey son, I’ll be first in line for Clerks 2, HSX performance be damned (it’s like a freaking limbo contest!), just to see if Kevin Smith’s still got da juice. As for Goblet of Fire, though, only time will tell. It’s a great story, but the series’ constantly shifting lineup of directors makes individual predictions difficult, and having seen how much they cut from PoA (which, granted, was still great), I can’t imagine how much they’ll need to trim from that 700-odd page tome. Really looking forward to seeing that Horntail, though!

Ah yes, I'd be remiss if I didn't give a nod to the ongoing juggernaut that is J.K. Rowling too. Granted, I liked Azkaban the book much more than Goblet, but since the movies have exponentially improved, it should make for a pretty nifty excuse to indulge my popcorn addiction. And, I'm not sure if you're aware of this my comic-centric friend, but Magneto is apparently in development too, with Ian McKellan and Patrick Stewart supposedly reprising their X-Men roles. Whether that hits theaters in '05 or not remains to be seen, but if not, then we have something to talk about for 2006, aside from my abject panic about my son being old enough for a learner's permit by then! (Pardon me while I go hyperventilate into this nice paper bag for a while.)

Definitely one of the reasons I’m glad there’s several thousand miles separating us. (Bring him to Jersey, the age is higher here!) And I had indeed heard about the Magneto movie in development; should be interesting, though I can’t think of any one definitive Mags story they’d be looking to adapt off the top of my head. But they’ve got some great talent lined up, and if nothing else, it — along with everyone’s favorite demonic motorcyclist, Ghost Rider — should keep the comic trend rolling in 2006!

Since Sue’s presently taking deep breaths with her head between her knees, I guess we’re done for now. But as we head into our first full year at MRFH, I just want to acknowledge both the readers and fellow staff members, on behalf of both of us, for being so supportive. Thanks for everything, gang, and here’s to a great new year!