The MRFH 2006 Revue

There never was a year where I wanted to stay home so much. From the movie theater, that is. Sure, I ventured out from time to time to my local silver screen moshpit, but a combination of the smelly, rude folk and the generally blah releases in 2006 kept me safe and secure in Fort Justin. There, I partook of several entire TV shows on DVD, and feasted upon movies without some idiot's cellphone going off two rows behind me. Well, it did go off, but that was my phone. I'm the idiot.

It's a good thing my summer was so busy, because looking back, we movie-goers had so very little to live for. This is supposed to be the BLOCKBUSTER season, Hollywood, and you give us... what? Superman Returns? Oh, gee golly willikers, that's just spiffy.

Therefore it's fortuitous that many of the better releases this year (both new and old) were found later on DVD. My home collection's grown so much that I've filled an entire bookcase and am eyeing the book-laden one next to it. Goodbye, works of literature!

I just realized that 2006 was the first year in a long time that we had a stable crew here at MRFH — no new additions. Our staff did a superb job meeting my insane demands ("SUPERHERO WEEK STUFF DUE! Don't stop to eat!"), and I'm constantly amazed as to the variety and talent shown by these men and women of legend.

Enough of me rambling; time for more rambling! I now present the 2006 Justies!

I Love Me Some End Of The World: Children of Men
For a year that was largely lackluster, I got all in a tizzy in December over the upcoming releases of Children of Men and Pan's Labyrinth (the latter has yet to arrive here). Children of Men, at least, did not let ol' Justin down, wowing me with its visual style, attention to details, sly humor and a terrific story that just so happens to take place as the world's winding down. (Honorable Mention: V for Vendetta)

Just Plain Cool Flick: Brick
It's borderline pretentious and dumb, but Brick manages to pull off film noir in a high school setting and make it seem exciting, interesting and intriguing. Casablanca meets Twin Peaks, and I am loving it! (Honorable Mention: The Prestige)

Reboot of the Year: Casino Royale
I never actually thought I'd be saying this these days, but James Bond isn't as shallow, garish or sexist as he used to be — and those are all good things. The reboot/prequel of the 007 yanks us back to Ian Fleming's first book, and turns what's really a glorified poker game into a spine-ripping action thriller. By the time he says, "Bond, James Bond", it's a lock.

Most Over-Exposed Celebrity (and we mean that in every way): Britney Spears
Seriously, Britney, buy some underwear, act your age, and maybe make some good music for once in your life. Seriously, newscasters, there's actual real news that happens in the world. Every day! For real! Britney isn't news, she's a joke.

Best Sequel: Clerks II
Kevin Smith's coda for his "Jersey Trilogy" (of six films) was neither high budget or high profile — but it managed to squeeze a fresh new batch of funny from a 12-year-old concept. Coming to a complete circle, Dante and Randall showed us that no matter how the times change… some things still stay preserved like a bug in amber. (Honorable Mention: Pirates of the Carribean 2)

Most Pointless Sequel: Basic Instinct 2
Ms. Stone, you're 48. Call Britney up, go shopping together for granny panties, and stop flashing your no-no's all over the big screen. Please. (Dishonorable Mentions: X-Men 3, The Fast And The Furious: Tokyo Drift, Garfield's A Tale of Two Kitties)

Best Tagline: "With No Power Comes No Responsibility" from Clerks II
Yes, we all love Spider-Man, but c'mon: Uncle Ben's oft, oft-repeated catchphrase needed to be taken down a peg. Rock on, Clerks, for taking out the series in style!

Worst (New) Movie: Date Movie
The fact that it (narrowly) beat out Bloodrayne as the worst 2006 film should be a "Danger! Danger!" indication. When Uwe Boll gets serious competition from a lackluster hodge-podge of romance "parodies" that are more offensive than funny, more gross than amusing, and more insulting than your grandmother telling your first girlfriend about how she (the grandmother) used to have to tell you not to touch your privates in public all the time. (Dishonorable Mention: Bloodrayne)

Worst (Older) Movie: Freddy Got Fingered
I learned two things here. First, that there are worse movies than The Doom Generation out there — a feat I thought impossible before trying to wade through this crapfest three times until I succeeded. Second, that Tom Green has apologeticists. Who knew?

Holy Freaking Crap!: The Descent
Claustrophobic much? Do you like sleeping peacefully, and not waking to hear your own voice screaming and your hands clawing at the sheets? This might not be the movie for you, then.

Best Theater-Going Experience: Seeing Pirates of the Carribean 2
Little do you know, Detroit actually has a suburb called "Beverly Hills", and it shares a common richie-rich veneer as its California counterpart. It was there that my wife, her friends and I went to see POTC2 in one of the most posh theaters I've ever attended. It was a "dinner and a show" ticket, which meant an awesome prime rib buffet beforehand. Then, we stocked up on free Starbucks and popcorn and desserts, brought them to our plush leather chairs (each with their own mini-tables), and kicked it up in surround sound happiness. Didn't hurt that it was a good movie.

DVD TV Set of the Year: Doctor Who Series One
Tough, tough call, as I vastly enjoyed Arrested Development season 3, Lost season 2, Battlestar Galactica season 2.5 (yeah, 2.5), and suffered as my wife made me watch 21 Jump Street (5 straight seasons' worth). But Doctor Who Series One blew me away with its production values, imagination and sheer variety from what I'm used to on the TV.

Most Controversial Film: The Da Vinci Code
Here's a recipe for guaranteed box office: Offend someone. Big-time. Slandering Jesus Christ or mocking the Jews is a good way to do this. Get out the massive crowds of protest, and soon will follow the journalists. By the time the movie's released, the box office doesn't care whether it's good or bad, just that the public's heard about this non-stop for months now. (Honorable Mentions: Borat)

Stupidest Trend: Putting "Movie" In The Title Of Parody Movies
Scary Movie started it. Then we get Not Another Teen Movie, Date Movie, My Big Fat Independent Movie, Epic Movie and Another Gay Movie. Also? None of them really that funny.

Best Title: Snakes on a Plane
Thanks to an intensive internet marketing campaign and the coolest movie title ever, Snakes on a Plane rocketed past the cultosphere and into public consciousness in the months preceeding its release. Too bad it wasn't anything more (or less) than a B-movie thriller. God bless snakes and all the wacky places they be. (Honorable Mention: Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan)

Double-Dip Award: Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas In Disney Digital 3-D
Hot Topic stock goes up 13%.

Tiring Trend: Computer Animated Movies About Animals That Want To Be A Pixar Film
Hoodwinked. Barnyard. Over The Hedge. Open Season. Flushed Away. The Wild. Need I say more?

Gimmick of the Year: Clint Eastwood's Iwo Jima "Saga"
In an unusual two-pronged attempt to win him some sweet Oscar loving, Eastwood made two films about the Battle of Iwo Jima — one from each side's perspective. Critically acclaimed and watched by only seven people (who couldn't get in to see Eragon), Eastwood squints and looks ahead to the 2007 Academy Awards. "Make my day," he growls.

Most Fun Project I Worked On: Masters of the Universe Mutant Viewing
It's easy to trash bad flicks, but when bad flicks are actually fun to watch, it becomes nirvana. MOTU is pure cheese, filtered through a fine layer of crazy, and I relished every minute of analysis on this film. (Honorable Mention: MST3K Shrine)

Most Fun Project Someone Else Worked On: MRFH Haunted House III by Drew and Kyle
It's a sheer flood of text coming at you, and each year's Haunted House is a labor of love between these two horror geeks. Fun choices, an interesting story and the best setting yet! (Honorable Mentions: Pooly's V for Vendetta: The Page vs. The Screen, Professor Sue Goes To College)

Most Fun Project You Worked On: Cult Doodles Contest
Despite many, many flaws with ArtPad, our readership came up with some startlingly original and beautiful doodles from cult films. I only wish I could draw half this good.

Best Forum Thread: Mutant Scavenger Hunt 2: The Quickening
PoolMan's enormously popular contest saw its second iteration, and it only improved upon the first. Then StarOpal had to come along and dominate all us fools with her superior knowledge derived from drinking the blood of super-intelligent yetis.

It Just Never Ended: Superhero Week
Our staff with bananas with the superhero theme, deluging me with so much content that we had to push it into a second week — during which, some of them were still handing in new stuff, asking me "Can this make the theme week, pleeeeeeease?"