Mutant Reviewers from Hell do
"You know how when you grab a woman's breast... it feels like... a bag of sand."

2005 R / Comedy Romance Directed by: Judd Apatow Starring: Steve Carell, Catherine Keener, Paul Rudd

Tagline

Better Late Than Never.

Summary Capsule

There's about a billion metaphors for sex. Pick one. This guy needs them all.

Mutant Meter

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Justin's Rating: Even bananas need to learn about safe sex
Justin's Review: I have a horrible, terrible, degrading confession to make.

I used to be… a virgin.

"Let me be frank with you. No, let me be Randy. Wait, that doesn't work either. Hm. How about Chuck. I'll be Chuck and you'll be you."

Yes! Don't stare at me with those eyes of accusation, those lips that sneer at my former plight! There was actually a time in my life that I did not know the pleasures of the flesh and yet… and yet I still survived. Somehow. I think a number of very cold showers were involved.

In our flip-turned society, we've long since passed the point where "virgin" became the dirty word, the shame-filled moniker, and terms like "slutmonkey" and "knocked up" became labels of pride. How did this happen? It's weird. Even back to the late 70's, early 80's in teen movie history, to lose one's virginity was seen as the threshold of adulthood, desired by all and feared by none (STDs? Fuggetaboutit.). A virgin in movies became someone who was such a loser that they could just never get any tail — certainly not a person who chose abstinence for a personal conviction.

It's with mixed feelings that I cruised through The 40-Year-Old Virgin, for sex for the wrong reasons can just mess you up, and good. Before you have any, it's all you can think about, and after you do, it's all you can think about. But as Ferris Bueller once said, virgins tend to build up sex to the "be-all, end-all of human existence" to the point where it makes us stupid for it. I think the makers of 40YOV knew this, and crafted both a crude and charming film around this idea.

Andy (Steve Carrell) is 40, and what I call an "eternal bachelor". He lives by himself in an apartment festooned with mint-condition collectibles, plays video games, bikes to work, and has never had sex (the times he almost did are covered in hilarious flashbacks). He's a nice guy, but socially inept, until his coworkers befriend him and try to teach him how to get out there and to get laid. They're… perhaps not the best teachers for Andy, but he's too meek to realize this.

Steve Carrell does a bang-up job bringing us a guy who could've either been a pathetic, drooling loser or a creepy pervert, and instead plays him as a gentle, nice guy in a sea of losers and perverts. Andy's reached a point in his life where he's content with his existence and virginity, but his friends pestering and prodding convince him that things could be better and involve much more nudity. During a slew of episodes, including a very funny "speed dating" session, Andy discovers actual love, not just sex, but can't seem to escape coitus no matter where he turns.

Let me be frank with you. No, let me be Randy. Wait, that doesn't work either. Hm. How about Chuck. I'll be Chuck and you'll be you. Listen, not-Chuck, although this movie got critically and publicly lauded, I still had a hard time with it. It's very funny, yes, but there's a sheer mountain of crudity involved that can't be avoided. Every character other than Andy (and, sometimes including Andy) is so extremely foul-mouthed that when I wasn't laughing, I was wincing. I saw the "unrated" version with an extra 17 minutes tacked on, and I have to wonder how much of this crudeness was added in, and how much was already there when the film was in theaters. It's also a long haul, well over two hours, which is quite extreme for a comedy.

These issues aside, I actually applaud 40YOV because, in its own fumbling way, it comes to a sincere and right conclusion about sex. While virginity might be frustrating, casual sex can be as well, believe it or not. 40YOV asks the question that if neither of these are desirable to the average person with a huge libido, what then? The answer is perfect, and one I don't think I've seen in any modern romance movie (if you think about romantic movie clichés, you might be able to guess the outcome here). For this alone, it holds merit, but just make sure you're 40 before you see this — any younger, and your ears just won't handle it.

There's a strategy guide for Wario World? Of course there is! This might honestly be the most painful movie scene in existence "Dude, I don't think you're getting the concept of 'down low' here"

Didja Notice? [some sources: IMDb]

• The scene where Andy has his chest hair removed, required five cameras set up for the shot. Star Steve Carell's chest hair was actually ripped out in the scene. The actor had told director Judd Apatow just before shooting the scene: "It has to be real. It won't be as funny if it's mocked up or if it's special effect. You have to see that this is really happening." The scene had to be done in one shot.
• When Cal and Andy walk through the bookstore, the first book that's prominently visible in the upper left corner is Jon Stewart's "America (the Book)". Steve Carell was a former reporter for Stewart's The Daily Show
• When Andy is on the phone trying to get help to get rid of his erection, the person on the other end is director Judd Apatow impersonating an Indian accent.
• The "Pedestal" joke is carried on from Apatow's TV show Undeclared.
• The Yellow Post-It note attached to Andy's calendar says "Don't Forget! Power Off Wed. Midnight to 2 AM"
• The films that are watched by the characters in the Smar-Tech store are all produced by Universal.
• Andy has Mystery Science Theatre wall paper and a framed poster for the movie. [thanks Blinkfan!]

Is It Worth Staying Through End Credits?

Definitely — a really nutty song with the cast plays through most of it

Intermission! [some sources: IMDb]

Much of the movie was improvised while shooting.

Groovy Quotes

Andy: [getting waxed] Yooooooooow, Kelly Clarkson!

Andy: [talking to himself] Really? All your girlfriends wanted to have sex with virgins too? That's funny... I didn't even know you g-girls talked like that. I think my first time might be your best time too. Well I knew it, you know what? I knew that you'd react that way and I knew that you would want to lead me through my first sexual encounter will all the compassion and care that someone would give to their soulmate.

David: No, I'm not gay I'm just celibate.
Cal: I think? I mean, that sounds ga- I just want you to know this is like the first conversation of like three conversations that leads to you being gay. Like... there's this and then in a year it's like, "Oh you know, I kinda wanna, ya know, get back out there but I think I like guys" and then there's the big, "Oh I'm I'm a g-gay guy now".

Cal: [Pointing to a framed poster] I mean, seriously, Asia? You framed an Asia poster? How hard did the people at the frame store laugh when you brought this in?

Andy: Wow. This is graphic.

Andy: You know what my problem is? I am not interesting. What am I supposed to say I went to magic camp? That I'm an accomplished ventriloquist? Oh, I am the 7th degree imperial yo-yo master.

Andy: You know what? I respect women! I love women! I respect them so much that I completely stay away from them!

Nicky: You have really kind eyes, you know that?
Andy: Thanks. Umm... your hat has sequins.

Cal: [to Andy about telling Trish he's a virgin] Yeah, you should definitely tell her, because I saw this movie called "Liar Liar" and the message was, "Don't lie." [pause] And that was a smart movie.

Andy: You know how when you grab a woman's breast... it feels like... a bag of sand.
David: What?

Jill: Is this yours? Did you write this stuff?
Jay: My girlfriend Jill found your speed dating card...
Andy: OOhhh... yeah... right, I've been looking for that speed dating card, thank you so much for bringing it to me.
Jill: So you actually wrote that one girl looked like she was "hurtin' for a squirtin'"?
Andy Stitzer: Ummhmm... yeah..."hurtin' for a squirtin'", yeah I wrote that.
Jill: Oh, so you wrote, "hoe fo sho'".
Andy Stitzer: Yeah, I remember that girl, she was a hoe... for sho'

Cal: [of his first thoughts on Andy] I kinda thought you were a serial killer.
Andy Stitzer: Oh. [chuckles]
Cal: No, I'm serious.

David: Dude, you look like a man-o-lantern.

Andy: There were two sides to that billboard, and they both hurt equally.

Andy: Is this shirt too yellow?
Cal: No. [pause] Tell me, what's Curious George like in real life?

If you liked this movie, try these:

• Anchorman
• Grandma's Boy
• American Pie