The 4th Annual Mutant Awards: 2001
1st Annual Mutant Awards 2nd Annual Mutant Awards 3rd Annual Mutant Awards
2001 marked our biggest voter turnout ever, with readers deluging my mailbox with their picks. Our staff got into nominating films for these interesting categories, and trust me when I say that we're all hoping you picked OUR choices. While tallying the votes, several categories saw come-from-behind turnovers, sometimes films would be going neck and neck (and beak and beak), and of course there are the handful of odds-on favorites that outright dominated. I think you'll find this years awards to be a fascinating read, so why jabber on any longer if we can begin?
We start with...
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Best Post-Apocalyptic Cult Flick || The Matrix
For life after the atomic bomb (or superflu, or machine wars), nothing could come close to The Matrix. Not only an awesome sci-fi action film, The Matrix brought us into a terrifying world of darkness, computer control, and sewer surfing. Most films would have made Matrix's post-apocalyptic setting the entire feature; here, the whole film is so busy it only gets a passing (but imaginative) glance. The Matrix won this category by the largest percentage of votes given to a film in any of our categories this year - 39%!
Runner-ups include Ridley Scott's dark corporate metropolis in Blade Runner (although there was much debate over whether this could be included in the post-apocalyptic genre), that awesome Neo-Tokyo setting for Akira, and the superflu-devastated wasteland of The Stand.
Final Tally:
1. The Matrix (39% of votes)
2. Blade Runner (20%)
3. Akira (15%)
4. The Stand (14%)
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Best Smooch in a Cult Film || Best Kiss Ever, The Princess Bride
It was close, folks, REAL close. For the longest time, the Alyssa/girlfriend kiss from Chasing Amy was a clear favorite (how many male readers do we have out there, anyway?). But inch by wet slobbery inch, The Princess Bride frenched its way into first place. It IS a kissing book, alas, and Westley and Buttercup seal the deal with the Number One Kiss of All Time at the end of the film.
Although The Princess Bride was a heavyweight contender and could be counted on to win nearly any category it was in (including Best Hats), it nearly wasn't so. Aside from Chasing Amy, the Mikey/Andie mistaken kiss in the dark from The Goonies tied for second place. Poor Mikey.
Final Tally:
1. Buttercup/Westley, The Princess Bride (25%)
2. [tie] Alyssa/Girlfriend, Chasing Amy; Mikey/Andie, The Goonies (20%)
3. At Least Three People, Being John Malkovich (8%)
4. Making out with the corpses, Clue (7%)
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Best Death Scene in a Cult Film || Guy Who Doesn't Want To Go On The Cart, Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Trust the wacky Python troupe to make a morbid plague into one of the most hysterical on-screen moments of all time. In Monty Python and the Holy Grail, a poor man is being disposed of before his actual death, whining "But I don't want to go on the cart!" while his carrier and cart owner haggle over the situation. Finally, a blow to the head seals the deal, and our friend goes for one final ride.
If your pick didn't come through on this category, don't feel bad. Voters were divided left and right, with no clear favorite coming through. The Alien chestburster scene from Ridley Scott's 1979 classic remains a vivid memory of bright red technocolor, and enough people saw the guy in the opening scene from Cube get, eh, cubed, to swear off sushi forever. It's interesting to note that dark guru David Fincher tied for third place with Fight Club, which beat out his fourth place Se7en by just one vote.
Final Tally:
1. Guy Who Doesn't Want To Go On The Cart, Monty Python & Holy Grail (21%)
2. Chestburster scene, Alien (13%)
3. [tie] "Wire Guy", Cube; Tyler Durden's demise, Fight Club (12%)
4. Head-in-a-box, Se7en (11%)
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Most Ridiculous Cult Film || Spice World and The Evil Dead
It's a tie! It's a tie! In the final days of voting, The Evil Dead came up and tied for first place, honestly shocking this reviewer. Whether you consider Bruce Campbell a god among actors or not, his first feature, The Evil Dead, was a messy movie, in both acting and gore content. But the scariest thing about this category is that this many people have actually SEEN Spice World. The waning British pop group stars in their own feature filled with bad lip synching, stupid dialogue, strange episodic storylines, and unrealized cameos. Considering the quality of films Spice World went up against, it's a true testament to the horror that it beat them all!
Tim Burton's oh-so-strange Mars Attacks! got a lot of mention, as did the notoriously bad video game-to-movie Super Mario Bros. (both of which strangely tied for second). The much-maligned Dude, Where's My Car? and the cheezy Earth Girls Are Easy eeked into third and fourth place, based on the ties of the first two spots. Remember, it was a dishonor just to be nominated for this category!
Final Tally:
1. [tie] Spice World, The Evil Dead (18%)
2. [tie] Mars Attacks!, Super Mario Bros. (14%)
3. Dude, Where's My Car? (11%)
4. Earth Girls Are Easy (9%)
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Most Gratuitous Violence in a Cult Film || Lawnmower Rampage, Dead Alive
When a guy straps a lawnmower to his chest and plows through a lobby full of zombies, it's a natural reaction to both squeal in disgust and also say, "Well, you don't see that...um, ever!" Dead Alive has more zombie vengeance than all three Evil Dead flicks, and that's saying something. Remember, kids, leave the zombie slaying to the professionals.
Proving it's simultaneous cult and star status, The Matrix nearly won for its intense lobby shootout scene (although now all critics, including me, must add the disclaimer "Guns are very, very, very bad"). The severely disturbing and confusing skinhead night attack in Doom Generation is something we'd much like to put firmly in the past of our memories, but enough people saw it rocket it up to #2. (We have a policy at the office of spitting every time we say the words "Doom Generation")
Final Tally:
1. Lawnmower Rampage, Dead Alive (22%)
2. Skinhead Attack, The Doom Generation (19%)
3. Lobby Shootout, The Matrix (18%)
4. Angel Getting Wings Clipped, Dogma (16%)
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Best Non-Human Character in a Cult Film || Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot, Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie
Even though the nominations for this category featured a dozen terrific characters, they never stood a chance against the cult juggernaut of Crow and Tom from Mystery Science Theater 3000. In their feature film, the robots attempt escape from their prison satellite while cracking all sorts of memorable jokes at a really bad movie. We at home live vicariously through their insults, often imitating but rarely approaching the high level of wit that only two artificial beings can achieve.
While MST3K had a clear win, Death from Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey was the definite underdog. Not as frightening nor smart as he'd like to be, this bleached Grim Reaper rapped his way into our hearts. That blue opera singing chick from The Fifth Element got a solid backing, for no apparent reason that this reviewer can see (but hey, I appreciate the arts like anyone else), and the streak with robot characters ends with 4th place, Tic-Toc from Return to Oz.
Final Tally:
1. Tom and Crow, MST3K: The Movie (34%)
2. Death, Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey (16%)
3. The Diva Puvalagona, The Fifth Element (12%)
4. Tic-Toc, Return to Oz (11%)
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Best Time Travel Movie || Back to the Future
Perhaps it was a shoo-in, but Marty McFly and Back to the Future had a few minutes of nervous competition. Still, the story of a guy in "modern" (mid-80s) times using a tricked-out sports car to warp back to 1955 has all the elements of humor, adventure, time paradoxes, and imaginative makeup designs that one could ask for in a time travel film. Big props to Crispen Glover, who plays the neurotic George McFly in both the past and present.
Whether you consider it a time travel film or not, our chainsaw-weilding hero Ash collides with the middle ages in Army of Darkness, and provides a lot of modern humor in ancient times. Interesting to note that Bruce Willis' psychadelic Twelve Monkeys beat out Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure by JUST ONE VOTE. Also, this category had Back to the Future part 3 competing against the first film, winning only a pathetic 2% of the vote.
Final Tally:
1. Back to the Future (30%)
2. Army of Darkness (27%)
3. Twelve Monkeys (16%)
4. Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure (15%)
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Best Running Joke || 37, Clerks
Although we don't want to get to specific into this sexual innuendo gag because of our younger readers, "37" remains a memorable running gag throughout not only all of Clerks, but also the follow-up Kevin Smith films. If you ever hear the number 37 called out in a public gathering and a couple people snicker along with you, you know who the good people are.
Clerks' main competition came from traditional 80s favorite, Ferris Bueller's Day Off. The "Save Ferris" campaign for a non-sick guy that begins as a coin collection soon spirals into notices in the newspaper, across a water tower, and in the Cubs' stadium. Continuing the theme of sexual running jokes, American Pie's had its band camp jokes culminating in... well, you know, and Adventures in Babysitting with Elisabeth Shue's lookalike in Playboy had its following. Finally, an old favorite resurfaces as Airplane! gives us the dangers of drinking problems.
Final Tally:
1. 37, Clerks (32%)
2. Save Ferris, Ferris Bueller's Day Off (28%)
3. [tie] Band Camp References, American Pie; Drinking Problem, Airplane! (9%)
4. Playboy Centerfold, Adventures in Babysitting (8%)
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Audience Favorite || Monty Python and the Holy Grail
We begin our "optional" categories (i.e. write-in votes). Although we had not planned on giving any awards out for these categories, after seeing mass reader response, it was inevitable. Readers picked their favorite movie that we've covered on the site, and Holy Grail narrowly edged out other popular flicks like Fight Club, Army of Darkness, and Evil Dead 2.
One reader wrote "Don't make me choose!" and another noted that their favorite "changes based on the day, time, and way wind is blowing." Perhaps next year we shall make the Audience Favorite an official category, yes?
Other Audience Favorites: Almost Famous, Clerks, Ghostbuters, The Princess Bride, Say Anything..., The Breakfast Club, and The Matrix
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Worst Film Critic || Roger Ebert
Although we were worried that we'd open ourselves to attack, our fears were soothed by seeing your fierce hatred for movie critics outside of MRFH. Roger Ebert, that thumby guy, got the brunt of our readers' assault. As a couple wrote in, "Ebert, may he burn in hell", and another commented "Ebert gives thumbs up to moronic movies." I'm sure we all have our reasons for disliking him, but they probably revolve around the fact that he hates most of the movies we like, and promotes some truly unwatchable crap.
Leonard Maltin got savagely nailed as well, as his 2-3 sentence reviews leave his ego unchecked as a self-proclaimed wizard of all things film. Why did the IMDb make an alliance with this guy? Following that up, there were a few votes for Ain't It Great and that Jabba-esque Harry Knowles, Ebert's new companion Roeper (one reader wrote: "This guy replaced Siskel? He has such bad taste!"), and Mark Altman.
Here is a collection of a few other worst critics, in the reader's own words:
- all of 'em, well except for y'all
- Anyone who gave 3000 Miles to Graceland a good review
- bloke in the London Evening Standard
- Cranky critic (he's not being witty or anything, he's just a bitter SOB)
- Critics are great people
- Cye Becker or Sy becker howver his name is spelled
- my dad
- my english teacher
- my mother
- this guy in my hometown [This guy got REAL specific! We like that!]
- This bitch who writes for the Orange County Register. I can't remember her name off-hand but she's really awful.
