Jump To: What The Hell? Ending Pint-Sized Power Boo Who? Villain Bad Engrish Creepiest Relationship Rock Bottom Living Weird Nudity Best Parody Comments: Life Philosophy Comments: Worst 2001 Movie Comments: Misc.

Here's the thing. We're suckers for award ceremonies. How many come out every year, like four or five thousand? And we gobble them up like sugar-coated crack pills, because we really are addicts. We just can't get over hearing what everyone else thinks is the best, because we hope that THIS time, THIS year, our mental telepathy will be so solid that we'll finally influence the judges and make them choose the right picks. Of course, they don't. I mean, Clare has this elaborate ritual every year, taking the week before the academy awards off work in order to set it up. It's probably not legal in all fifty states, but she swears that it's necessary to make a difference in the Oscars. Poor Clare. We really need to move her out of Texas.

Anywho, we were talking about award shows. So there's lots of them, and they're all well-known efforts for Hollywood to pat itself on its back. We say "pat" and "back" because using sexual innuendo here would not be appropriate for our family audience. Basically, Mutant Reviewers From Hell thinks it's pretty darn stupid for the good films NOT to win. Plus, the categories in every show are dull and mimeographed from the first film award show in 1472 (they had to vote for movies using seers). We just say NO-NO to all that. We do our things our way, usually at a cost of our counter stats, but oh well.

The 5th Annual Mutant Awards. Golly. Every year we nearly go insane counting up the votes and trying to think of pithy things to say, eventually throwing the computer monitor to the ground and saying several bad words that are even WORSE than the sexual innuendo of above. But it's worth it, because no two years have been alike. We're the snowflake of award shows. All new categories. Voted on by you (maybe not you, personally, but a you near you), the readers. And statistically guaranteed to make 73% of everyone mad that their choice didn't win.

This year we saw record-breaking numbers of votes, and it made for some rather interesting races. Join us now as we visit the winners, the near-winners, and everyone else who shall be deemed Loser.

5th AMA Winners

What The Hell? Ending || Fight Club

This category is devoted to movies that delighted in bringing about twist endings to the plot, a la The Twilight Zone. Nominees ranged from really cool mind-bogglers, or a twist ending that just made absolutely no sense whatsoever.

It was a twist that made re-watching David Fincher's dark masterpiece an absolute must... and the coolest part was that this twist wasn't even the centerpiece of the film. What made this a winner was that the question "Who is Tyler Durden?" wasn't just thrown in as a last-minute idea; the entire film was peppered with clues (particularly if you went frame-by-frame for a couple scenes) that led up to the climax. The voters obviously thought that this ending had most of them scratching their heads and going, "What the hell?"

But the runner-ups weren't lacking in support either. Crime caper powerhouse The Usual Suspects immortalized the name Keyser Soze with its shocking ending. Planet of the Apes gathered a lot of votes, but probably because its ending made no sense whatsoever to anyone. And finally, that backwards flick Memento stunned the lucky viewers who saw it with a dark twist that came not at the end of the film -- but the beginning.

Final Tally:
1. Fight Club - Who is Tyler Durden? (17% of votes)
2. The Usual Suspects - Who is Keyser Soze? (15%)
3. Planet of the Apes - Monkey Lincoln (14%)
4. Memento - Who is the killer? (12%)

Pint-Sized Power || Oompa Loompas, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

Pint-Sized Power covered two types of actors: midgets and children. Whose small stature brought in the knock-out blow in a film?

While we expected Austin Power's Mini-Me to take the sweeps, obviously the readers had another favorite in mind. Those odd orange munchkins of Willy Wonka, what with their freaky songs that gave us nightmares, stormed the MRFH offices in a powerhouse that even we couldn't deny. The Oompa Loompas are here, and we're leaving.

Mel Brooks' Yogurt from Spaceballs used the power of the Schwartz on voters to land in second place. We were happy to see Wednesday from both Addams Family movies place strongly, and Mini-Me from Austin Powers 2 didn't fare too badly either.

Final Tally:
1. Oompa Loompas, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (17% of votes)
2. Yogurt, Spaceballs (14.5%)
3. Wednesday, Addams Family (14%)
4. Mini-Me, Austin Powers 2 (12%)

Boo! Who? Villain || The Goblin King, Labyrinth

This category was dedicated to horror film bad guys that were a mite bit... underwhelming. Either not scary at all, or too over-the-top ridiculous to be considered frightening.

WOW. This was the most intense race we had this year, and it had us guessing until the last ballot on who would be crowned the winner. With over 50% of the votes going to one of two choices, it was clear that no other movie bad guy compared. But in the end, David Bowie's over-made-up Goblin King from The Labyrinth took home the honors. He might have been scary, but his idea of being evil included babynapping and singing a bunch of boring songs... yawn!

South Park's Satan is the other big mention, with a quarter of the voters throwing their weight behind the sentimental wimpy Prince of Darkness. Strange how both the first and second place winners had musical roles -- hey, and the fourth place as well! To finish it out, third place went to that stabby Ghostface from Scream, followed by the Man-Eating Plant from Little Shop of Horrors.

Final Tally:
1. Goblin King, Labyrinth (25.5% of votes)
2. Satan, South Park: BLU (25%)
3. Ghostface, Scream (11%)
4. Man-Eating Plant, Little Shop of Horrors (8%)

Bad Engrish || 3-Way Tie: Yoda, Empire Strikes Back, Monty Python and the Holy Grail DVD, Jar-Jar and aliens, The Phantom Menace

Me fail English? That's unpossible! Not every screenwriter or actor is proficient in speaking, and here we present the most creative mangling of the English language.

Okay, no matter how weird the voting on the last category went, this is more bizarre. Folks, we get hundreds of votes for the AMA, and yet every year we have exact-vote ties in a couple categories. Highly unlikely, but in this category, we have a 3-way tie. I can't explain it. But two are Star Wars and one is Monty Python, so maybe that is a reason.

In any event, the award is split between Yoda sentence fragmenting (most notably in The Empire Strikes Back), the Monty Python and the Holy Grail DVD (which featured horribly translated Shakespearean and Japanese tracks), and Jar-Jar and various aliens and whatever they turned English into for The Phantom Menace. Which means our second/fourth place winner is poor Fenster from The Usual Suspects, who mumbled his way into our hearts before being buried in the sand to rot.

Final Tally:
1. Yoda, Empire Strikes Back (16% of votes)
1. Monty Python and the Holy Grail DVD (16%)
1. Star Wars: Episode 1 (16%)
2. Fenster, The Usual Suspects (12%)

Creepiest Relationship || Lotte, Maxine, Craig and John Malkovich's Head, Being John Malkovich

This wasn't for "awww" love relationships; this was for "dude, that's messed up!" relationships on film.

Finally, a clear and powerful leader! There was never any doubt, as the muddled and messed-up relationship in Being John Malkovich -- which involved tones of mind control, lesbianism, and three-ways -- took home top honors this year. In fact, this category had the largest majority of leading votes than any other category, over 18%!

Which is grosser: that Marky Mark fell in love with the monkey girl, or that she fell in love with him in Planet of the Apes? I'm not sure, but it landed second place as readers thought it mildly disturbing. The incestual relationship of The House of Yes got third, and Jabbaesque Dr. Moreau and his midget monkey assistant danced into fourth.

Final Tally:
1. Lotte, Maxine, Craig and John Malkovich's Head, Being John Malkovich (30% of votes)
2. Marky Mark and Monkey Girl, Planet of the Apes (12%)
3. Siblings Jackie O and Marty, The House of Yes (9%)
4. Dr. Moreau and his weird monkey man midget thing, The Island of Dr. Moreau (7%)

Rock-Bottom Living || In Corporate Hell, Office Space

We asked the voters to choose which movie scenario they would least want to live in. This might cover a wide variety of movie character settings, but they all tie in with a common thread - we just wouldn't want to be them, live there or do that.

More terrifying than being the sole survivor on a planet invaded by acid-bleeding aliens, more horrible than having a demon invade your very soul, even MORE skin-crawlingly awful than having to work for Carrot Top was something many of us face on a daily basis: being trapped in corporate hell, a la Office Space. I can't tell you how happy I am that Office Space won -- this highly underrated film finally gets its dues!

Which isn't to say that there were other bad film living scenarios. Nobody wanted to be the little girl possessed by Satan in The Exorcist, only suicidal deaf-mutes would even think of working for Carrot Top in Chairman of the Board, and a couple might just brave soloing it alone against the Aliens like Newt did.

Final Tally:
1. In Corporate Hell, Office Space (17% of votes)
2. Possessed by Satan, The Exorcist (15%)
3. Working in Carrot Top's Company, Chairman of the Board (14%)
4. Trapped as a kid on a planet with just you and hostile aliens, Aliens (11%)

Weird Nudity || Too many things in the film, Scary Movie

Boobs, butts and knees - sometimes film goes overboard on giving us more naked flesh than is really necessary for the plot. Voters decided which film had the most gratuitous nude shot where none was needed.

Because gross nudity isn't funny, just shocking, the Wayans brothers delivered more tasteless nude shots in Scary Movie than you could find anywhere else. From a "female" gym teacher with obvious male organs to a guy being killed by a dildo, MRFH voters planted the blame squarely on Scary Movie's overdose of bare flesh.

Coming in second are Halle Berry's half mil breasts, which she bared for a strange and pointless scene in the film Swordfish (and the voting on this was extremely close, with Scary Movie only topping it with a couple votes). Perhaps the funniest of the weird nudity was in There's Something About Mary, as a perverted private detective accidentally spies on the chestal region of a 70-year old woman. In fourth place was the "haunted dreams for life" butt shot of Donald Sutherland walking around the house in Animal House.

Final Tally:
1. About everything in the film, Scary Movie (16.5% of votes)
2. Halle's Berries exposed, Swordfish (16%)
3. Accidentally spying on old boobs, Something About Mary (12%)
4. Donald Sutherland's bare butt, Animal House (11%)

Best Parody || Spaceballs

The Best Parody category set out to elect a satire, farce or straight-out blatant parody of a film or film genre.

This was another category that had a primarily two-film race. Although they jockied for first and second, Mel Brook's sci-fi spoof Spaceballs came away the clear victor. Harping largely on Star Wars for material, Spaceballs also lampooned everything from Star Trek to Aliens to Planet of the Apes. Good to know an eighties flick can still win the hearts of the masses.

Speaking of which, the late 70s/early 80s movie Airplane! garnered a respectable 27% of the votes, as many readers considered this the first and best of the parody genre. In a distant third was the spy spoof Austin Powers, and in an even distant...er fourth was the sly slasher satire Scream.

Final Tally:
1. Spaceballs (33% of votes)
2. Airplane (27%)
3. Austin Powers (12%)
4. Scream (8%)

Comments: What Movie Do You Base Your Life Philosophy On?

We received a lot of interesting and frankly disturbing responses to this question, and here are some of the most popular, along with a few interesting comments by the readers.

• "The whole idea of hate being pointless from American History X"
• Life is Beautiful, Shag, Life of Brian
• "Must be either MST3K: The Movie (mock everything and live with robots) or maybe Tank Girl (mock everything and live with kangaroo peeps and a hot Brit chick)"
• Office Space, Ferris Bueller, Chasing Amy
• "Bottle Rocket…or just anything by Wes Anderson… Wes da man!"
• Monty Python and Holy Grail - "It's hard not to if your last name is 'Nee'"
• Bill And Ted's Excellent Adventure - "Dude, Bill and Ted's Exellent Adventure. Dude, it is a quite triumphant life. Dude, that is a totally bodatious movie."
• Fletch, UHF, Legally Blonde
• "A funkified cross between Monty Python and the Holy Grail, the Matrix, and your average musical complete with dancing."
• Fight Club - "Just kidding, I'm not a freakin' psycho"
• Airplane!, Clerks, Muppets From Space
• Army of Darkness - "Because I want to be Ash!"
• Mallrats, Cruel Intentions, PCU
• "The slacker-ness of BASEketball, the music and iciocy of Wayne's World, the basketcase from The Breakfast Club mixed in with everything about The Rocky Horror Picture Show."
• Mindwalk, The Ninth Configuration, Ghost Dog: Way of the Samurai
• "Spice World, believe it or not, because "zig-a-zig-ah" can be applied to almost any situation, and it acknowledges that just the right amount of inanity - tons - is the way to do things."
• Zoolander - "For when I need to remind myself there is more to life than being really really really ridiculously good looking."
• Evil Dead 2, Shawshank Redemption, Highlander
• The Empire Strikes Back - "If it smells bad on the outside, it is worse on the inside!"
• American Pie, Sixteen Candles, The Godfather
• Gentlemen Prefer Blondes - "I somehow believe that if I dye my hair, wear bright red lipstick, I too can somehow convince a poor sap into taking me on a vacation to Paris, and then leave him in the states, to vacation on my own."
• Rambo, Ghost World, Goonies
• "I completely base my life on Office Space. I have found that the less you do, the more you get. And I also feel that my white working class life is often accompanied by gangsta rap. Damn it feels good to be a gangsta!"
• Tom and Pamela Anderson Lee's Hardcore Porn Video
• "10 Things I Hate About You-pre schizo change in Kat"
• "WILLOW!!!! because I'm a short man with even shorter kids and people often call me a peck...."
• Heathers - "Because most popular people are utter bitches."

Comments: What Was The Worst Movie Of 2001?

Lots of responses, and very high passion about what, exactly, was the worst.

• Pearl Harbor (got the most entries)
• Tomb Raider
• Freddy Got Fingered - "Please tear it to shreds!"
• "Was Harry Potter 2001? Yeah, that crap."
• Glitter
• 3000 Miles To Graceland
• A Beautiful Mind
• Final Fantasy - "An absolute disappointment if I ever saw one."
• "You want me to pick one??"
• Planet of the Apes
• Jurassic Park 3 - "Don't get me wrong, I loved JP, but this move was just too short, the plot didn't give enough room for improvements."
• Tomcats - "Ouch, my will to live hurts…"
• "Any piece of action/sci-fi overrated crap"
• KAT - "Danish B film, anyone? You might like Kat."
• Moulin Rouge
• Ghost of Mars - "Was pretty damn stupid" and "It sucks even when you're drunk"
• "Most of them"
• Not another Teen Movie - "Not one single giggle and I am so easily amused."
• Corky Romano - "Chris Kattan should not be allowed to star in movies EVER!"
• "Anything with Tom Cruise"
• Scary Movie 2
• Poo!: A documentary on the loving art of POOOO!
• "I don't know, what came out?"
• "Not even Halle's boobs could save Swordfish"
• MVP2: Most Vertical Primate
• "I gotta choose outta 30-50 stinkers?! That whole year needs to be forgotten..."
• On The Line - "Because Lance Bass is most definitely not all about the rock."

Misc. Comments

And finally, to close this year's ceremonies, are random comments from our readers.

• "jackie chan is good. jason voorhees is cool. uhh... i like seafood."
• "Not really. I'm too tired to be witty."
• "I would suggest a category for best film because, after all, there are a few films that deserve it (personally I think the Shawshank Redemption and Gattaca deserve it)"
• "Death to Spielberg"
• "This site rocks! Keep up the dandy work!"
• "When the frick are you people going to need another reviewer?"
• "If you don't review Raising Arizona or Throw Momma From The Train, I swear heaven will open up and the wrath of God will decend upon you in the form of holy lightning. Or I might just send you empty threats."
• "I like girls in shorts."
• "I want to have your babies"
• "What, you mean Fenster talks in English!?"
• "Andie rules!! (so does this web site!) Go Sig Delta! :)"
• "The Sixth Sense should have been included for "What the Hell?" endings! Nyerg!"
• "Awesome site!"
• "Keep up the good work with the website. I check it religiously and have read everything written on it, I think. Anyway, good work."
• "Space Patrol. Uh, it's out there. Better get my pants back on, my mom is coming over."
• "Bad Engrish - how could you leave out Rambo? Can anyone in this world understand his speech at the end of Part 2?"
• "Sam Raimi is god"
• "Where's "Rat Race" under the "What The Hell? Ending" category? In my opinion, it was a big cop-out and a bad reason to put Smash Mouth in a movie"
• "Screw Citizen Kane, Rocky Horror Picture Show is the greatest film ever made, with respects to PCU, Clerks, The Blues Brothers, etc. "
• "Unfortunately, I live in "Office Space""
• "Bea Arthur naked… ugh"
• "#1 was hard to choose between Usual Suspects, Fight Club and American Psycho -- but I would have to say Fight Club REALLY threw me off the most)"
• "Why does noone make a movie about donut lust?"
• "Why don't you have MPatHG in best parody? Isn't that a parody of all the King Arthur movies made before? And the story at least? Besides that… keep up the good work, you guys need some posters… I wanna buy a MRFH posterrrrrrrrr!"
• "I laughed, I cried, I sniffed glue"
• "Blade 2 is a great movie. It's what all action films should strive to be"
• "I'm not even supposed to be here today..."
• "Why do I sound verbose???"
• "I really like cheese"
• "MRFH is really great. Thank you for the wonderful site!"
• "I may not be at the forefront, but I'm still here skulking around..."
• "Well, I was the originator of Justin's favorite comment last year, so I don't think I can top it. "
• "Remember the good ol' days when it was just Star Wars, Empire, and Jedi! Episodes suck! LONG LIVE THE HOLY TRILOGY! "
• "Halloween is the best horror flick"
• "How could you not have Mulholland Drive on the What the Hell category! I mean, what the hell! "
• "Amen to this site. I like to call myself a critic.....tahehehe.......and I appreciate the views of those who are not completely sucked into the corporate hollywood crap."
• "critique "The princess and the Warrior" along with "The man who wasn't there" I really want to hear other people's views on them. "
• "Frodo Lives!"
• "New Category: Best Non-Human Sex Scene"
• "You Are All Idiots"
• "Normalcy rather denotes a lack of courage, that's why you and I exist. My love to you, Mutant reviewers, you're beautiful! "
• "uhm... yer momma?"
• "Let's show 'em what Greased Thunder can do... You feel that in yo face Silent Bob? WAHOO!!!""
• "Neat site. Big fan. Too much movie knowledge."
• "I STILL love Clare !!!!!!!"
• "MRFH Kicks Buttocks!!!"
• "One word best describes your site: 3."
• "Damn the man! Save the Empire!"
• "This is the best review site on the net. No kiddin'."
• "What? No reviews for "Hercules in New York"?"
• "Worst Film Ever? Super Mario Bros. John Leguizamo and Dennis Hopper? Put the gun to my head now"
• "I love the site. Sorry I can't be more original."
• "Freddy Prinze Jr. must die"