The Seventh Annual Mutant Awards: 2004

First of all, let me say before I begin this introduction that it would be easy for me to bring down the level of humour here by using this category’s theme as an excuse to include a large number of toilet humour gags and metaphors and generally lower the tone of the entire proceedings. Fortunately, Justin knew that if there was anyone who could resist the urge to make juvenile potty jokes all the way through this introduction, it would be me. So if that’s what you’re here for, you’re just going to leave frustrated and disappointed.

Of all the categories in this year’s Annual Mutant Awards, this one I feel is the one that truly shines a beacon into the dark crevices in Hollywood more conventional award shows don’t reach. I mean, both in films and in real life, bathrooms are oft overlooked and taken for granted, yet are regularly the venue for moments of high drama, excitement, disappointment, and intrigue — and that’s just after a night of fast food from "Bombay" Sanchez’s Mexican-Indian takeaway. In fact, there are stories I could tell you about certain bathrooms in several nightclubs in my area that would make your hair curl. But I’m not here to talk about my own sordid life — it’s the sordid life of Hollywood we’re interested in.

When the nominations we’re announced for this category, there were so many excellent choices (apart from my own, of course) that I was struck by exactly how many pivotal film moments do, in fact, take place in bathrooms. There were even several scenes I though were guaranteed to make the list which didn’t — the "Toilet Breaking" scene from Boondock Saints, for instance, or the Zipper Scene from There’s Something About Mary. However, with so many excellent choices available, some were destined to be caught in the U-bend of the great plumbing system that is the AMA Nominations, while others were drenched in Lysol and left on display for you all to ponder.

Finally, it’s now time for us to pull the flush and see who is left floating!

Unsurprisingly, you voted for possibly the most famous bathroom related scene in all of film. It’s been referenced so many times in so many different places, that even today just the act of pretending to stab someone overhand while going “REE! REE! REEE! REEE!” can conjure images of Janet Leigh’s bleeding chocolate sauce down the plughole of her shower. Trainspotting’s disturbing toilet-dive, which featured on just about every trailer for the film as well as being disgustingly memorable, takes a well deserved second place, while Mr Pink and Mr White’s snappy dialogue in the bathroom in Reservoir Dog’s slinks into third place with it’s tail between it’s legs.

FINAL TALLY:
• 28.5% - Psycho: Janet Leigh's shower stabbing.
• 22.3% - Trainspotting: Mark Renton’s toilet dive for an unfortuantely lost heroin suppository.
• 16.9% - Reservoir Dogs: Mr. Pink freaking out in the bathroom while the stolid Mr. White tries to calm him down contains some of the best 'Tarantinoesque' dialogue ever written.
• 9.9% - Sixteen Candles: Farmer Ted's girl's panties revelation.
• 8.8% - The Shining: Jack discovers that the naked girl taking a bath in room 237 is decaying.
• 6.8% - Shaun of the Dead: Naked zombie in the bathroom attacks while taking a shower.
• 6.2% - Galaxy Quest: The costumed Questarians standing at the urinals at the Galaxy Quest convention
• 0.6% - To Live and Die in LA: Maverick secret service agent tells hooker he occasionally sleeps with he’s not above having her arrested.

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