The Eighth Annual Mutant Awards: 2005

Can you say "disappointed", boys and girls? I mean, what were you THINKING, voting for a Quentin Tarantino ANYTHING over the richly goodness of The Princess Bride, all-time favorite Holy Grail or even the sadistic bakery of Shrek? I thought I raised you better than this!

Ah well. Got to get over myself, before I'll be stuck in the middle with you.

We at MRFH face torture every day of every year. While I'm sure that Amnesty Int'l doesn't really approve of me saying so, some of our movies are on par with any thumbscrews or canings for my money. Therefore, it's slightly ironic that we turn the tables by asking our readers to vote on the best ("best" being scarily subjective here; it's like saying what's the "best" type of head trauma to undergo) torture scene in recorded history. There are many we didn't nominate. There are many, erm, memorable ones we did.

This year's award ceremony kicks off with one of our most tightly-contested categories yet; our top four choices were all within a few percentage points of each other, with the winner getting only 0.3% more than The Machine, sucking out Westley's life, one year at a time. So let's give a hearty golf clap to Reservoir Dogs, which stole this award with a barbaric display of ear-slicing, oldies-listening, gasoline-splashing goodness! You know it's memorable, if it's been reproduced as an Itchy & Scratchy cartoon for The Simpsons.

FINAL TALLY:

1. 20.8% Ear Slicing / "Stuck in the Middle With You" scene, Reservoir Dogs
2. 20.5% Westley gets tortured by Count Rugen and "The Machine", The Princess Bride
3. 19.3% King Arthur and Sir Bedemir saying "ni" to the old hag in Holy Grail
4. 17.0% Alex's eyes propped open with metal prongs, watches horrific imagery in A Clockwork Orange
5. 14.8% The Gingerbread man from Shrek - NOT THE GUMDROP BUTTONS!
6. 4.5% The Texas Chainsaw Massacre - when a girl commits suicide in your van and then a slightly askew sheriff asks you to re-enact everything, you're probably in trouble
7. 2.3% The scene in Addams Family when Fester has Morticia on the rack. "Ooooh, you've done this before."
8. 0.8% The scene in BASEketball where Coop drinks the fat lipsuctioned out of Marlon Brando

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