The Ninth Annual Mutant Awards: 2006

Winner: Bat Nipples (Batman & Robin)

First off, I'd just like to say how thrilled I am to be here at the American Music Awards. It's a real treat as a Canadian to be involved with something so prestigious. Although seriously, I'm not kissing Madonna. No, go away. I'm serious guys! No, not Christina either! Don't even TALK to me about Britney.

Ah, crap. Wrong AMA's. Well, another year, another shot at the Muties. Good enough in my books!

We're here to honour (spell it with a U, my south-of-the-border comrades) the film (ha) with the Worst Costuming Choice. In an age where you can have an entire city fold into itself or turn a homely British man into a homelier Gollum courtesy of CGI, it can sometimes escape our notice when a movie really works hard to clothe its actors in beautiful or striking costumes. We take it for granted that that's what a character should look like.

But boy, oh boy, do we ever notice when a bad costum pokes up. And believe you me, there are some doozies in the list. Apparently not too many of you are offended by the Diva and Leeloo's costumes in The Fifth Element (most men don't seem too bothered by Leeloo's bandaids, to be sure), and the old D & D mage and xXx don't raise your ire much either. And let's be honest, there's not a man I know who minded Kate Beckinsdale in a corset for Van Helsing, as questionable as the whole movie was.

I was mildly surprised that Spider-Man's Green Goblin didn't take more heat, given the frothingly negative fan reaction to the green armour (also with a U) he wore in the first movie. Plus, Natalie Portman's various "I'm a Clown Empress!" costumes didn't raise too many eyebrows either.

But what doesn't surprise me in the least is that you, our dear readers, are horribly offended by Bat Nipples. Batman & Robin, long one of our most beloved "hated it" movies featured the debut of visible bumps of rubber on the heroes' chests. It's good to know the Dark Knight has his moobs appropriately decorated. Let's all just heave a sigh and a silent thanks that they didn't pay that much anatomical attention down below the ol' utility belt, or the criminals of Gotham would have had all KINDS of reasons to fear the Bat. Eeeuugh.

Final Tally:

1. Bat Nipples (Batman & Robin) (55.6%)
2. The Green Goblin armor (Spider-Man) (10.8%)
3. Leeloo’s tiny strips of strategically-placed bandages (The Fifth Element) (10.8%)
4. Queen Amidala's elaborate getups (Star Wars - The Phantom Menace) (10.5%)
5. XXX's fur-lined jacket (XXX) (4%)
6. Kate Beckinsale's high heels and bustier (Van Helsing) (4%)
7. The older mage's staff with a roaring monkey head on the end (Dungeons & Dragons 2) (2.5%)
8. The Diva Plavalaguna (The Fifth Element) (1.9%)

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