Mutant Reviewers from Hell do
"Stop looking at me, swan!"

1995 PG-13 / Comedy School Directed by: Tamra Davis Starring: Adam Sandler, Bridgette Wilson, Bradley Whitford

Tagline

To inherit his family's fortune, Billy is going back to school... Way back.

Summary Capsule

Rich idiot goes back through school to earn rich daddy's company... gee, isn't life ALWAYS like this?

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DVD

Justin's Rating: Thus the Plague of Sandler was unleashed upon the world, and small children everywhere had a hero
Justin's Review: Why Adam Sander is loved by the public: he makes funny sounds, sometimes almost like words; he's the Peter Pan of the new, brainless generation; he reassures millions of jerks everywhere that they'll eventually become rich and get the Sport Illustrated swimsuit cover girl for just being who they are. Why Adam Sandler is hated by you: he's so frickin' annoying!

"In one scene she's carrying around a honest-to-God PARASOL! I have never seen in real life a girl carrying a parasol, but there she is, strutting around like something out of Gone With The Wind."

Billy Madison-related story: I had a friend in Colorado who was a cool guy, even though he majored in Phys Ed in college. The major thing I found fault with him was that the only movie genre he liked would be, if I could classify it as such, "Movies That Starred Adam Sandler." Seriously, those were the ONLY movies he'd buy, watch, force his wife to memorize, etc. Now, I'm a guy who is a proponent of films that feature chainsaw-flinging dummies and killer tomatoes, so I wasn't too critical of him. But, geeze! What a sad movie watching career he's got!

My relationship with Adam Sandler movies began thusly. I found Billy Madison to be incredibly irritating, much like driving a car on a long trip with a kid constantly kicking your seat for 3000 miles, and that kid is Adam Sandler. I swore off all future Sandler projects and refused to be like the common peasant, quoting Billy Madison lines left and right. I was a CRUSADER against an unholy cause, and by gum, I would triumph! But then I had to go to class.

Eventually, I softened up. Yeah, sure, Adam Sandler can go from supremely annoying (Little Nicky) to supremely sappy (The Wedding Singer, Big Daddy). And if you haven't had a movie moment where you've wanted to steal a DeLorean and make sure Sandler's parents never met, then you're just not right in the head. So while I will continue to sympathize with people that truly march against the (literally) son of Satan, I have to contend that some of his works (like BM) are kinda funny. Not for lack of Sandler trying to wreck it, of course.

Billy Madison's paper-thin plot is about the title hero (Sandler) who has to go through all twelve grades of school (two weeks at a time) in order to be deemed worthy of receiving his father's hotel business. Billy's just... well, let's just say that you really expect to see the large dent in his skull that causes him to act the way he does. When he speaks in his lisping baby talk, feel lucky, 'cause at least he's not doing the gibberish act. About 70% of the time, Billy is a guy who no sane person could honestly stand. But just when you think he's irredeemable, there are a few scenes that he inexplicably pulls out of the jerk phase and does something honestly funny or somewhat humanizing.

This film wouldn't have any great level of humor (factor: nine) without the terrific and bizarre supporting cast. It makes Billy's idiot act easier to swallow when you compare him to a raging bus driver (Chris Farley) who steals kids' lunches, a kindergarten teacher who smears paste on her face for fun, Norm McDonald being Norm McDonald, and a penguin who appears only in Billy's drunken haze. Bradley Whitford (West Wing's Josh), who plays Madison's nemesis, does a supurb job of filling the role of the Comedy Bad Guy, in being spiteful but also a lot amusing. It's all off the road, far into the woods that even the Blair Witch is queasy about, and we need that in comedies. One of the best scenes has Billy absolutely dominating in dodgeball against little kids, pegging them without mercy. I don't know why it's so funny, but seeing a big dumb adult at his intellectual equal among six-year-olds is ooooh yeahhhh...

There is a lot about BM that makes no sense, even for this level of nonsensability. Veronica (Bridgette Wilson) is the hardest to swallow. She's Billy's 3rd grade teacher, and seemingly the only person who calls Billy on his stupid bullpoop. Her fiesty nature is welcome until Billy does one, only ONE, nice thing, and suddenly she's whipped. First off, she's way too beautiful to be a teacher, and more so to be Adam Sandler's love interest. Sandler deserves, I dunno, a poodle (male or female, your choice) for a romance, not Oh-My-Sweet-Flannel-It's-Bridgette-Wilson. Secondly, she has no, NO reason to fall for Billy. She's already proven her smart and sassy ways, but that defense is penetrated by... what? The fact that Sandler is the only person in her age range during the entire movie? And thirdly, in one scene she's carrying around a honest-to-God PARASOL! I have never seen in real life a girl carrying a parasol, but there she is, strutting around like something out of Gone With The Wind. I'm still flummoxed.

In the aftermath of my war with Adam Sandler movies, I came to the following compromise: I would watch a Sandler movie no more frequently than every six months. I honestly don't have the stomach for it. But Little Nicky or no, he's still a part of my life.

Nancy's Rating: Give him a break.
Nancy's Review: I stumbled across Justin's review of Billy Madison when I was looking up easy quotes to test my friend in our name-that-movie game. I was going to use the one after Adam answered the question and the answer being the dumbest thing ever. And I did. Afterwards, I read all the quotes and giggled. Then I read Justin's review.

"It borders on stupid, but sometimes you just really have to turn your brain off."

I will agree with Justin that Norm is one of the funnier parts of the movie. But the movie is just... giggle-dom. It's simple humor that honestly, I think you need a certain level of intelligence to get. Some of it. Like, the Triscuts line, down below. I think simple people who love fart jokes and noises would just sit there thinking "...I don't get it". But some people get it, and think it's hilarious. I don't think all Sandler-related hilarity can be channeled into pure idiocy. There are some moment of comedic timing and witty genius nestled within Sandler movies. And I'm not speaking of the movies where he was just cast; but the typical 'Sandler' movie, on the surface they seem a little dumb, but underneath, it's chuckle-some without being pure genius. Does that make sense?

Anyway, I think Billy Madison is a feel-good gem. Really, I do. As dorky as that sounds, I can pop it in while getting mildly happy without too emotional. Now, The Wedding Singer makes me faaaaaar too happy. The Wedding Singer is a "climb onto of a mountain and get married to the person you love with tears in your eyes, an anthem song playing and streamers! Everywhere!" Whereas with Billy Madison you can just pop in, smile, and it doesn't alter the course of your day or cause you to elope to someone you just started dating. It's a "safe" feel-good movie.

It borders on stupid, but sometimes you just really have to turn your brain off. If I may quote Dan, from that episode of Roseanne where Darlene is in the hospital and Becky feels bad because she is more concerned with missing her sleepover than she is Darlene's health, "Sometimes you can't think about serious stuff too much, cause your brain will fry up". Credit goes to Bre for that good comparison which I use more often than she suspects.

Well, it just started raining heavily and I'm in a hill town, so my connection is going to be blown soon. So my final lines — Billy Madison can be full of smiles if you just learn to turn your brain off and be happy when the loser wins!

Adam Sandler, among peers Adam Sandler, outwitted by hygiene products Adam Sandler, opera star

Didja Notice? [some sources: IMDb]

• Adam Sandler brought some of his buddies from TV's "Saturday Night Live" along for this one with Chris Farley playing the crazy bus-driver, Robert Smigel portraying Mr. Oblaski, Tim Herlihy (head writer at SNL) co-writing the screenplay with Adam and Norm McDonald playing his buddy Frank. Robert Smigel is known for doing those goofy cartoon sketches on SNL and for being the lips and voice of Bill Clinton on Conan O'Brien's TV "Late Show".
• The on-screen appearance of the Lunch Lady, from Adam Sandler's song
• The name at the top of Dan McGraff's People To Kill List is that of producer Bob Simonds.
• In his films, Adam Sandler's love interests usually have names beginning with V. In this film it's Veronica Vaughn.
• When Billy is standing at the bus stop, you can hear the sounds of children on the bus that passes, but there are clearly no passengers on the bus.
• When was the Spanish Armada?!?!?!
• Did we really need to see Chris Farley topless?
• Seriously, did we?
• All of the names on Dan McGraff's People To Kill List (except for Billy Madison and Eric) are those of the crew, directors, or producers of the movie
• Godfather II reference

Is It Worth Staying Through End Credits?

No.

Intermission! [some sources: IMDb]

Actress Bridgette Wilson was Miss Teen USA in 1990.

Groovy Quotes

Billy: No I will not make out with you! You got Chlorophyll Man up there talking about God knows what and all she can talk about is making out with me. I'm here to learn, people, not to make out with you! Go on with the chlorophyll!

Lunch Lady: Have some more sloppy joes! I made 'em extra sloppy for yous. I know how yous kids like 'em sloppy!
Billy: Lady, you're scaring us!

Frank: I think Billy and his girlfriend are playing water polo.
Jack: Maybe they're playing Marco Polo. Marco!
Frank: Polo! Man, that's a good game.

Principal: Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Billy: A simple no would've done just fine.

Billy: I swear to God I'm sick! I can't go to school.
Juanita: If you're gonna stay home today, you can help me shave my armpits!
Billy: Oh my God! I'll go to school!

Billy: I feel like an idiot. But I am an idiot, so it kinda works out.

Billy: Back to school! Back to school, to prove to Dad that I'm not a fool! I got my lunch packed up, my boots tied tight, I hope I don't get in a fight! Ohhhh, back to school! Back to school! Back to school! Well, here goes nothing!

Veronica: No milk will ever be our milk.

Principal: Any attempt to cheat, especially with my wife, who is a dirty, dirty, tramp, and I will probably just snap.

Karl: I ate some Triscuit crackers in the car, you should have had some.
Eric: Well, maybe if you told me they were delicious Triscuit crackers I could have enjoyed them with you.
Karl: I'm sorry.
Eric: Well, "sorry" doesn't put the Triscuit crackers in my stomach now, does it Karl?

3rd Grader: Hey look everybody, Billy peed his pants.
Billy: Of course I peed my pants, everyone my age pees their pants. It's the coolest!
3rd Grader: Really?
Billy: Yeah! You ain't cool, unless you pee your pants!

Old Farm Lady: If peeing in your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.
Billy: That is the grossest thing I've ever heard in my life. Let's Go!

Billy: Shampoo is better! I go on first and clean the hair! Conditioner is better! I leave the hair silky and smooth! Oh, really, fool? Really! [Notices gold swan on edge of tub.] Stop looking at me, swan!

Soundtrack Review

Your standard comedy compilation: a lot of songs that have no real theme, other than the scene they're in.

If you liked this movie, try these:

• Happy Gilmore
• The Wedding Singer
• Tommy Boy