Mutant Reviewers from Hell do
"They may take away our lives, but they'll never take our freedom!"

1995 R / War Drama Directed by: Mel Gibson Starring: Mel Gibson, Patrick McGoohan, Sophie Marceau

Tagline

His passion captivated a woman. His courage inspired a nation. His heart defied a king.

Summary Capsule

Scottish upstart leads rebellion against nasty English kehnugguts

Mutant Meter

Movie Store [proceeds go toward monthly MRFH upkeep]

DVD | Soundtrack (Score)

Justin's Rating: So you'll be leaving soon? Ayeee.
Justin's Review: From William Wallace's Big Book 'O Leadership Tips:

• Sacrifice A Young (Ex-)Virgin To Get Things Going — Sure, your country might be invaded and your people severely oppressed, but you need that extra oomph that only a martyred love can provide to get the revenge juices flowing. Don't forget to pick up a bloody keepsake after the unfortunate execution!
• Scots Are Into Throwing Rocks And Giving Speeches — Either one of these is good to get a mob riled up into a fighting battle force. If you have no rocks, large chunks of good moor sod may be substituted.
• Apparently, The English Have Never Heard Of Spears — Use this to your immediate advantage and make horse-ka-bobs.
• Recruit An Insane Irishman — Hey, these guys bring the best booze to the battles!
• Blue Fingerpaint Inspires Fear — Usually, it inspires fear in your mother, who certainly didn't raise you to be splashing on a whore's worth of makeup to go prance around in some sort of battle!
• Mooning Is An Acceptable Offensive Tactic — Also, add a dash of Mr. Willy in there, and you'll get the bad guys running scared.
• English Armor Is Just Like Stormtrooper Armor — Neither stops squat. Go ahead and wear a kilt or a toga or whatever it is you crazy kids wear to wars these days: you won't get a scratch.
• Steal Stormtrooper, er, English Uniforms To Sneak Into The Enemy Base — Then, flush all their toilets simultaneously and sneak the heck out!
• Choose Your Enemies Wisely — A dying king with a phlegmy cough and the gayest little pasty prince in all of history will do most nicely.
• Poisoned Daggers Are For Wussies; Use A Horse And A Morningstar For Assassinations — Better yet, ride the horsie up many flights of stairs into a small bedchamber, then make the equestrian leap out of a window into a moat afterwards! Horses live for this sort of thing.
• The French Make Good Spies, So Seduce One — Also, they know this really great type of kissing you just gotta try!
• Keep Your Enemy Off Their Guard By Allowing Yourself To Be Betrayed And Captured With No Protection Around Whatsoever — They'll never be expecting that from a military genius! Now, all you have to do to ensure victory is...
• Die A Horrible, Bloody, Screaming Death In Front Of The Crowds — While it doesn't feel that grand, your enemies will never, ever expect that you have the magical power to return from the dead and smite those who oppress... what? You don't have that power? Oh, um... hey, just keep looking at that gross bloody keepsake you got from earlier. Yeah. I'm sure that'll help with the pain.

Lissa's Rating: Freedooooooooooooooom!!!
Lissa's Review: As we watched Braveheart last night, something occurred to me. Denied the right to learn to fight with proper weapons like swords and lances, the Scottish in this movie got very creative with their weapon choices. In fact, I’m not sure I’d let an angry Scotsman near me with as much as a spoon, much less any other household implements.

"I’m not sure I’d let an angry Scotsman near me with as much as a spoon, much less any other household implements"

Despite being a sword-swinging, fantasy loving, red blooded (i.e., Mel Gibson drooling) kind of gal, for some reason I’d never managed to see Braveheart. Don’t ask me why, I suspect the answer has to do with the three hour running time. Which is really, really dumb because Braveheart is totally up my alley and except for a few gory bits where I covered my eyes, I loved every second of it. Add to those facts that I’m pretty sure it was required viewing for my college fencing team, and you’ve got me as to why I waited so long.

Far from perfect (see Justin’s review), Braveheart is based on the life of William Wallace, who led the Scottish uprising against England. I seriously doubt it’s historically accurate, but then it doesn’t claim to be, so I’m not going to get too worked up over it. (Yes, Pearl Harbor, I’m talking to you.) Like the Lord of the Rings trilogy, the characters (well, most of em) take themselves so freaking seriously that there’s tons of MST3K-like opportunities. (Plus, William Wallace and Aragorn must exchange hygiene tips or something.) But that’s all right, because Braveheart is a fun movie.

Okay, so it’s not fun like American Pie or A Knight’s Tale or anything else most people would call “fun.” But Braveheart had something that surprised me -- a sense of humor. I wasn’t expecting that, especially since I’d heard so much about William Wallace’s death scene (which was far much less gruesome than I anticipated.) David O’Hara as Stephen, the Irish fighter, is a great source of comic relief, and even Gibson’s Wallace cracks a smile every now and then. In many ways, it reminded me of Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, except our hero is much more bloodthirsty and creative, and for the most part, Mel Gibson can do a Scottish accent. But what really makes Braveheart fun are the melees. Tell me you can watch this movie and then not want to pick up a sword and start staging boffer weapon battles out on the Quad. It’s simply not possible.

After a round of bad movies, it was a relief to pop in something that I actually thought was good, and could enjoy thoroughly. And, of course, the obvious success of this movie can be judged from the number of Bravheart-inspired jokes in Chicken Run. (For that reason alone, Braveheart justifies its existence.) Any hey, any time Mel Gibson feels like mooning the camera, well now, that’s all right with me!

These men REALLY like their poles Big deal. My wedding night was backlit too. Just pointing out how funny this looks.

Didja Notice? [some sources: IMDb]

• Wallace's real wife was named Marian, but it was changed to Murron to avoid confusion with the Robin Hood character of the same name.
• Real life Wallaces are extras in the movie.
• When the camera is focused on the crowd during the disemboweling scene, a female extra in the crowd glances at the camera a few times.

Is It Worth Staying Through End Credits?

Not unless you really like the music.

Unnecessary Background [some sources: The History Channel]

Sir William Wallace (1272?-1305) was a Scottish soldier and national hero. The first historical record of Wallace's activities concerns the burning of Lanark by Wallace and 30 men in May, 1297, and the slaying of the English sheriff, one of those whom Edward I of England had installed in his attempt to make good his claim to overlordship of Scotland. After the burning of Lanark many joined Wallace's forces, and under his leadership a disciplined army was evolved. Wallace marched on Scone and met an English force of more than 50,000 before Stirling Castle in Sept., 1297. The English, trying to cross a narrow bridge over the Forth River, were killed as they crossed, and their army was routed. Wallace crossed the border and laid waste several counties in the North of England. In December he returned to Scotland and for a short time acted as guardian of the realm for the imprisoned king, John de Baliol. In July, 1298, Edward defeated Wallace and his army at Falkirk, and forced him to retreat northward. His prestige lost, Wallace went to France in 1299 to seek the aid of King Philip IV, and he possibly went on to Rome. He is heard of again fighting in Scotland in 1304, but there was a price on his head, and in 1305 he was captured by Sir John de Menteith. He was taken to London in Aug., 1305, declared guilty of treason, and executed. The best-known source for the life of Wallace is a long romantic poem attributed to Blind Harry, written in the 15th century.

Intermission! [some sources: IMDb]

Several of the major battle scenes had to be re-shot, as extras were seen wearing sunglasses and wristwatches.

When asked by a local why the Battle of Stirling Bridge was filmed on an open plain, Gibson answered that "the bridge got in the way". "Aye," the local answered. "That's what the English found."

The extras used for the battle scenes were mostly members of the F.C.A., the Irish version of the territorial army. As they were drawn from many different army companies, and the members of these are usually drawn from the same locality, local rivalry between such companies is common. Apparently, some of the battle scenes seen in the movie are far more realistic than you might imagine, with rival companies actually using the occasion to try the beat the lard out of each other.

Matt "Graduate Student, Department of Sociology" wrote in about the blue paint: Most likely the blue paint many of the actors had on for battle scenes was meant to represent woad. Woad was an herbal substance that ancient Scottish warriors would smear on their skin before battle. It was thought to make a warrior more fierce, and it appears that it did in fact tighten the skin and reduce bleeding from subsequent cuts and scrapes. It also dyed the skin a charming shade of smurf blue. Of course, the actual amount of protection from bleeding that it conferred was definitely quite modest, but considering the state of sanitation at the time and the lack of antibiotics, anything that would reduce injury from cuts was worth trying.

Groovy Quotes

William Wallace: A lordship and titles. Gold. That I should become Judas?
Princess Isabelle: Peace is made in such ways.
William Wallace: Slaves are made in such ways. The last time Longshanks spoke of peace I was a boy. And many Scottish nobles, who would not be slaves, were lured by him under a flag of truce to a barn, where he had them hanged. I was very young, but I remember Longshank's notion of peace.

Stephen: The Almighty says this must be a fashionable fight. It's drawn the finest people.

William Wallace: Lower your flags and march straight back to England, stopping at every home to beg forgiveness for a hundred years of theft, rape, and murder. Do this and your men shall live. Do it not, and every one of you will die today.

William Wallace: It's fine Scottish weather we're having. The rain is falling straight down and kind of to the side like.

William Wallace: Before we let you leave, your commander must cross that field, present himself before this army, put his head between his legs, and kiss his own arse.

Stephen: [Speaking heavenward.] Him? That can't be William Wallace. I'm prettier than this man. Alright Father, I'll ask him. [to William] If I risk my neck for you, will I get a chance to kill Englishmen?
Hamish: Is your father a ghost, or do you converse with the Almighty?
Stephen: In order to find his equal, an Irishman is forced to talk to God.

Nicolette: Englishmen don't know what a tongue is for.

William Wallace: And if this is my army, why does it go?
Soldier: We didn't come here to die for them!
Second Soldier: Home, the English are too many.
William Wallace: I see a whole army of my country men, here, in defiance of tyranny. What will you do without freedom? Will you fight?
Soldier: Against that? No, we will run, and we will live.
William Wallace: Aye, fight and you may die, run, and you'll live...at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin' to trade all of that from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take away our lives, but they'll never take our freedom!

Longshanks: The trouble with Scotland is that it's full of Scots.

Stephen: The Almighty tells me he can get me out of this mess, but he's pretty sure you're f***ed.

William Wallace: Every man dies, not every man really lives.

Stephen: I'm the most wanted man on my island! But I'm not on my island. [Laughs]
Hamish: You're island? You mean Ireland.
Stephen: Yeah. It's MINE.

William Wallace: You dropped your rock.

Hamish: Where are you going?
William Wallace: I'm going to pick a fight.
Hamish: Well, we didn't get dressed up for nothing.

Longshanks: Bring me Wallace. Alive if possible, dead... just as good.

Soundtrack Review

A haunting, very memorable score by James Horner — this is a must for any soundtrack collector, amateur or otherwise. Lots of celtic pipes and whatnot.

If you liked this movie, try these:

• The Patriot
• Saving Private Ryan
• Rob Roy