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 1986 G / Animated Fantasy Directed by: Starring: |
- It's A Whole New Adventure.
Summary Capsule
- Sugar and spice and everything nice drive all the gloom and doom away.
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Justin's Rating: Grumpy Bear vs. Grumpy the dwarf... who would win?
Justin's Review: Sometimes… sometimes I think I just let enough time go by so that I'll forget how bad a movie was, and either subject myself to it again or its sequel in a vain hope that little movie gnomes have crawled inside of DVD cases everywhere and made things better. It doesn't work. I feel bad.
The bane of child psychologists everywhere, the Care Bears returned to make The Care Bears Movie II: The New Generation and show us once again, it's okay to feel. Just don't try to do it so much to strangers on subway cars.
The title gives you the wrong impression; instead of an up-and-coming generation of bears with singular personality traits and powers, CB2 leaps backwards in the vast Care Bear mythos to show us the foundation of Care-A-Lot and the Forest of Feelings and the original Care Bear bunch. If you think that bright primary colors, fat stars and multi-purpose rainbows are in your future, then come on down!
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1 In the beginning, the Care Bears roamed the ocean on a poorly-constructed vessel. 2 Alas, the foul DarkHeart spied their sugary goodness, and dideth strike them down with a mighty storm. 3 But lo! A rainbow from the heavens dideth arrive, and a mighty giant pudgy star saved them all. 4 His name was Percy. 5 And lo did Percy bestow special "stare" powers onto the bellies of these creatures, along with the power of mass merchandising. 6 The Care Bears and Care Bear Cousins (second cousin, son of Gerald, brother-in-law of Steve, godfather of Don Corleone) grew up in peace, 7 only to meddle in the affairs of underage little people everywhere.
Like the first Care Bear Movie, CB2 is a mix of 10% idiotic songs, 25% discussions about "feelings" and why it's good to feel them, and 65% barren wastelands where a plot once resided but long since dried up and turned to dust. A few kids are being picked on at camp, and the evil shape-shifting DarkHeart seduces one to the DarkHeart side of the force in order to capture the fledgling Care Bears. The Care Bears, threatened to the core of their existence, have no choice but to break out the bowie knives and Molotov cocktails.
Yeah, right. If you can't see an ending coming where the general "goodness" of Care Bearing is enough to overcome one measly bad guy and convert him, then you're oblivious to this universe. I envy you. You might even be able to see the sick reality of the Care Bears in stark relief — these insidious creatures exist to do no less than forcibly inject their own emotional states into others, rending their souls away from free will, and turning them into mere husks of their former selves.
In this, I salute the forces of grumpy and manic-depressive emotions everywhere. Brothers and sisters, every time one of you has an argument, every time you get cranky at a slow McDonald's clerk, every time you flip a careless driver off on the freeway, you're furthering the cause of freedom by keeping the Caring at bay. Bless you, bless you all.
 Too late, Heart and Star realized that bears don't fly so well on their own.
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- Are Care Bears into tattoos?
- Their cheekbones are almost secondary arms
- They stole that fight move from Luke vs. Rancor in Jedi
- Rainbows can lift ships and fix them
- Really bad lip synching
- A giant talking star? SURE!
- Grumpy Bear is kinda smiley
- The Care Bears are saviors of us all!
- Tummy-chute
- Totem poles moving on their own draw no attention
- Losers can only share their feelings
- More child abduction via cloud car AND child labor!
- She's into marbles. Eh.
- The Care Bears grew into adult maturity in the course of an afternoon?
- Random Tree Killers! Evil Moose!
Is It Worth Staying Through End Credits?
Really. What do you think?
Intermission! [some sources: IMDb]
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Care Bears Movie II Drinking Game: Take a swig every time someone says "Camp Champ". Say goodbye to your liver.
The film was commercially marketed as a sequel to The Care Bears Movie, and did not serve as a prequel to this predecessor as many have come to believe, but to the Nelvana television series that would soon air on the ABC network the following September.
Groovy Quotes
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Funshine Bear: With the sun on my tummy and a smile on my face, I'm ready for a party, any time, any place! And Proud Heart Cat doesn't have a lot to say, but he's purr-fect in every way!
Wish Bear: I'm the Wish Bear, that's what I do. And maybe I can help you make your dreams come true.
Bright Heart Raccoon: Bright Heart Raccoon, that's me. I can solve any problem thinking logically.
Christy: I wish just once I could be Camp Champ! I hate being last, and I hate being here!
John: We don't have to win medals to be champs.
Dawn: We're friends, and when we need each other, the others will be there!
John: Good friends are the real champs, Christy.
DarkHeart: You saved me. Why?
Christy: Good or bad, you're still a person.
Dawn: You were never a nobody, Christy.
John: You were always good at being our friend.
Dawn: And a friend is the most special person in the world!
True Heart Bear: Your evil left you when you admitted how much you care.
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This review page was last updated on 9.28.06
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