Mutant Reviewers from Hell do
"I can't feel my legs, I HAVE NO LEGS!"

1998 PG-13 / Teen Comedy Directed by: Harry Elfont & Deborah Kaplan Starring: Jennifer Love Hewitt, Ethan Embry, Seth Green

Tagline

An event 18 years in the making

Summary Capsule

Graduation night. Big party. Unrequited love.

Mutant Meter

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Amazon.com: DVD | Amazon.com: Soundtrack

Justin's Rating: Will you go out with me? [check yes/no/maybe]
Justin's Review: Recognizing the brilliance of 80's comedies, filmmakers are now reviving the art known as the "party movie". Basically, you have a large cast of characters who discover themselves and others (usually through drugs and lots of car crashes) over the course of one night at one big party. It kinda makes high school irrelevant afterwards.

"Can't Hardly Wait rocks so hard that you'll be feeling the back of your head for lumps afterward."

Can't Hardly Wait rocks so hard that you'll be feeling the back of your head for lumps afterward. Well, nah, I mean, it's a really groovy flick that has immense rewatchable value; I used to view this once a week, minimum, during a certain year of my life. I think I honestly needed therapy then, but Seth Green as "Special K" is an acceptable substitute.

The film sets us up with a group of high school seniors on their graduation night. Amanda (Jennifer Love Hewitt, along with the twins) has been dumped by super jock Mike Dexter, and now Preston (Ethan Pembry) can finally make his move and declare undying love for her. Other involved parties are Denise, a sarcastic cynic who gets locked in the bathroom with Kenny (Seth Green), a white boy wantin' to be a gangsta; a group of nerds planning revenge on the jocks; a band playing their first gig; and a foreign exchange student learning how to talk dirty. The whole group of kids are extremely likable, and — despite the sex and drinking — there's even a fairly innocent vibe to it all. It's just a bunch of people having fun, throwing out snappy quotes left and right, and entertaining you nonstop.

This film has grown on me. I wasn't ecstatic the first time I saw it, but now it's starting to make headway into the my top 20 favorite comedies of all time. It borrows heavily from old classics, such as the talk-to-the-camera schtick of Ferris Beuller's Day Off, the party theme of movies like Sixteen Candles, and the optimistic romantic found in Say Anything. And the borrowing ain't bad.

Seth Green is showing himself to be a great comedic force of today, and his role as Kenny is hysterical (for background, see The Offspring's "Pretty Fly for a White Guy"). He tries to act black so bad that you nearly need a linguist to interpret his talk. After this film and Austin Powers, we hope to see Seth cater to our generation more than, say, Jennifer Love Hewitt.

Don't get me wrong: the babe is babe. But I still have an eye twitch from I Know What You Did Last Summer, and in this film she just meanders around depressed and grumpy. Preston deserves so much better than her, but watchers can't be choosers. Or can we?

So what is at the core of the chaotic universe of Can't Hardly Wait? It's a look back at the hell at which we all hate in retrospect: high school. It's a running commentary on fate and The One. It tells us that if we get drunk, we will soon become popular. So perhaps we ought not to take this film too close to heart, but just enjoy the romp and look forward to college.

Clare's Rating: Been there, done that.
Clare's Review: Ok, it's high school graduation time and the class "nice guy who's not a huge ladies man but seems like he'd be polite on a date if not a little weird" guy is questioning his future. The only thing he's really sure about is that he's totally hot for the class "misunderstood babe who's got a heart of gold and no personality". If you've seen Say Anything, you know this set up. If you've seen Can't Hardly Wait, you know just how poorly that set up can be executed.

"We just get to look at Jennifer Love Hewitt's boobs for two hours and wonder out loud if Ethan Embry always looks like someone's hit him in the head with a board right before the director yells action."

Ok, there's a huge party the night of graduation that EVERYONE is going to go to that our hero (Preston Meyers as played by Ethan Embry) knows will be his opportunity to win over the girl of his dreams (Amanda Beckett played by J.L. Hewitt). (Again, maybe you've seen Say Anything?) Every stereotype and/or clique is represented at this party including the cranky girl who doesn't like parties but for some reason goes to them anyway, the white suburban kid who thinks he's from the 'hood, the foreign exchange student, the rich bitch beauty queens, their idiot jock boyfriends, Star Wars-loving social misfits, stoners, etc. etc. etc. However, instead of throwing all these different types of people together and seeing what kind of deeper understanding can be reached between the warring factions (a la The Breakfast Club) we just get to look at Jennifer Love Hewitt's boobs for two hours and wonder out loud if Ethan Embry always looks like someone's hit him in the head with a board right before the director yells action.

In short, we're supposed to care one way or another if Preston hooks up with Amanda but aren't given any reason to since he seems like kind of a blond version of Keanu Reeves on a really bad day and she seems like a pretty girl skating through life hoping nobody notices she's not actually very interesting.

However, there are two bright spots in this film. They are Lauren Ambrose and Seth Green who play Denise and Kenny (aforementioned cranky girl and hip hop white boy) who unwittingly get trapped in an upstairs bathroom together and are forced to figure out that they actually like one another. I love Lauren Ambrose and hope she becomes a big big super star diva extraordinare plus, she reminded me of me when I was in high school, so I was automatically rooting for her. Seth Green's been around forever but actually proves to have a wee bit of range in this role and really is far more appealing and funny than Ethan Embry could ever be.

Here are the official rules to the Can't Hardly Wait drinking game as determined by myself and my friend Rachel one VERY slow night at the Holiday Inn Express in Houston, Texas.Drink whenever any of the following things happen:

• JL Hewitt's breasts overshadow the entire frame she's occupying or are in any other way completely distracting, offensive, confusing or hilarious.
• Ethan Embry gets a close up shot where he looks like he's staring off into the abyss or is in any other way clearly not home upstairs.
• Seth Green says "Yo".
• Lauren Ambrose rolls her eyes or in any other way looks annoyed.
• The "geeks" make reference to either Star Wars, Star Trek or the X-files.
• Dex (the jock) or any of his friends uses the word "dude" or any other salutation derivative of the word "man".

Seems simple enough, but believe me, there are potions of the film where pretty much all of these things happen simultaneously. Good luck, be safe and have fun!

How NOT to feel up a girl The Asian kid's expression cracks me up here It's Party Barbie!

Didja Notice? [some sources: IMDb]

• Try to spot the "Making out couple" in the background throughout the movie. It's like a Where's Waldo game.
• The kleptomaniac
• The name of the band: Loveburger
• Kenny's love kit
• The scene with the two X-philies during the end credits
• Mike Dexter talking at the end of the credits
• Jenna Elfman, Melissa Joan Hart, and Jerry O'Connell in unbilled roles
• Smashmouth is played four times during the movie

Is It Worth Staying Through End Credits?

Definitely! There's an additional scene, a quote, and yearbook photos of all the cast.

Intermission! [some sources: IMDb]

Ethan Pembry was also in the cult hit Empire Records as crazy guy Mark. At one point in Empire, Mark is dusting off a ballerina's feet to the tune "Romeo and Juliet", which is also played in Can't Hardly Wait when Preston is driving away from the party.

There was supposed to be a character in the movie called Drunk Girl who had subtitles for everything she said because she was so drunk that none of her speech was understandable. This charater was cut out of the film in order to receive a PG-13 rating.

The scrolling credentials listed in William Lichter's profile include: Valedictorian, National Merit Scholar, Captain - State Physics Bowl Team, Captain - State Math Olympics Team, State Math Champion, State Spelling Bee Champion, National Human Spirit Award, State Science Fair First Prize, Honor Roll Recipient, Perpetual Motion Award (Space Camp), Soap Box Derby Champion, Eagle Scout, Rotary Club, French Club, Spanish Club, Mandarin Chinese Club, German Club, Dead Romance Languages Club, Large Wooden Club, Math Club, Spelling Bee Club, Debate Team, Computer Club, Brighter Minds Society, Inventors Club, Anti-Athletic Club, Klingon Language Club, Kite Club, WWW.COM Club, Bill Gates Society, Classical Music Club, Stone Cutters, Dungeons and Dragons Club (Founder), Magic The Gathering Club (Founder), Secret Society, Junior Harvard Club (Founder), Megabyte Club, Physics Club, Latin Club, Math Olympics, Academic Decathlon, and Chess Club. The list repeats several times.

Groovy Quotes

Preston's Quote: "Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes." - Thoreau

Denise's Quote: "A true friend stabs you in the front." - Oscar Wilde

Mike's Quote: "Just win, baby." - Al Davis

William's Quote: "All great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds." - Albert Einstein

Kenny's Quote: "Picture me rollin'..." - Tupac

Amanda's Quote: "I'd rather see the world from another angle..." - Jewel

Stoner Guy: You know who else I like that didn't get much play? Velma from Scooby-Doo. She was cool. She was a hip, hip lady.

Mike: I'm a loser. I broke up with the hottest girl in school, my friends all sold me out... and somebody in there just called me a fag!

[Kenny is dancing The Robot]
Denise: Looks like someone's auditioning for Soul Train.

[Holding up a card.]
William: I downloaded this little baby off the Net. I will know exactly how many spirits I may imbibe without affecting my judgement or my behavior.
X-Phile 2: You have every angle covered.
X-Phile 1: You know William, from this light, you somewhat resemble David Duchovny.

William: Tonight, Mike Dexter will know humiliation. Tonight Mike Dexter will know ridicule. Tonight is the night we fight back! Tonight is our independence night!

Denise: Besides, I heard that song was about his dog.
Preston: It's not about a dog. It's about a woman named Amanda. Who the hell names their dog Amanda?
Denise: My cousin had a dog name Samantha.
Preston: Shut up about the dog, OK?

Denise: There's a mirror right there. Take a look, you're white.

Mike Dexter: I'll kick everyone's ass in this room!

Denise: Looks like someone's auditioning for Soul Train.

Preston: It was October, freshman year. First time in history that I'd ever missed the bus. If I had arrived on time, I never would've seen her. But as it was, I was the first person at Huntington Hills High to set eyes on Amanda Beckett. It was her first day at school. Then, I'm sitting in class enjoying a late breakfast when out of all the classrooms in the entire school, she walks into mine. And where does the teacher sit her? Right next to me! Now, up until now, one could write this off to coincidence. But then she reaches in her bag and pulls out a strawberry Pop-Tart - the very same breakfast pastry I was consuming at that moment! What was I to do? How was I to proceed?

Exchange student: Would you like to touch my penis? I am a sex machine!

Kenny: Yo, I gotta have sex tonight! I mean peep this - They say here ninety-two percent of the honeys at UCLA are sexually active. Ninety-two of the women in Los Angeles at UCLA walking around going, "Class... or sex? What shall I do?" Ninety-two percent, yo! Hey, you know what that means?
Ritchie Koolboy: What?
Kenny: It means I gots a ninety-two percent chance of embarrassing myself. I roll up on that shorty be like, "What's up yo?" she be like, "You don't know 20 different ways to make me call you Big Poppa" cuz I don't yo.

Amanda Becket: Hi, umm... Do you happen to know who Preston Myers is?
Earth Girl: Du'uh. He only sat like, right next to you in freshman English. But I guess you wouldn't remember that. I mean, why would Amanda Beckett pay any attention to a unique spirit like Preston, or even a unique spirit like me? Maybe it's because she's a little busy ordering around her little conformist flock of sheep. SHEEP! You are all sheep. Baah!

Angel Stripper: Oh I'm the weird one? You're the one calling Barry Mannilow from a phone booth at 2:00 am!

Kenny: Woman, this is all your fault. Come bargin' in here like a friggin' moose.

William: I can't feel my legs, I HAVE NO LEGS!

Denise: Were you this weird when we went out?
Preston: Were you this bitchy when we went out?
Denise: Yes, I was a bitchy eighth grader for that whole week, actually!

Preston: Hey, I've got one for ya. Remember that time when I was about to talk to that beautiful girl, and you came up to me and started telling me all these asinine stories? Remember that, huh?
Reminiscing Guy: No.
Preston: Gee, that's funny. Because it *just happened*!

Kenny: Those shoes!
Denise: What?
Kenny: Do they serve an orthopedic function?

William: You see the salt on this pretzel? Look at the stars. Some people, they say the stars are billions and billions of tons of hot gas. But I think maybe, maybe it's just God's salt. And God's just waiting to eat us.

X-Phile 1: You know what? My retainer looks like a Klingon warship.

Stoner Guy: Preston? I dunno, his hair's kinda, I dunno, brown?
Stoner Guy's Friend: No, it's not really brown. Oh, he's tall.
Stoner Guy: Yeah, he's kinda kinda tall. Sorta tall. And he's like always wearing like t-shirts.
Amanda Becket: So he's sort of tall.
Stoner Guy: Kind of.
Amanda Becket: With... hair.
Stoner Guy: Yeah.
Amanda Becket: And he wears t-shirts sometimes.
Stoner Guy: Yeah.

DVD Review

While I wished there'd be more on this DVD, it isn't too bad at all. The menus are done a la high school yearbook format, complete with doodles popping up as you make your selection. You have your choice of breathtaking Widescreen or meager Fullscreen formats. There's a pretty decent audio commentary from the filmmakers (and Seth Green), who basically lament the cuts that had to be made to this movie (why, oh why weren't the deleted scenes added, I wonder?). You can peruse a photo gallery, see the theatrical trailer, or watch Smashmouth's "I Can't Get Enough Of You Baby" music video. All in all, a good DVD, which could've been really excellent with some added scenes or other extras.

Soundtrack Review

No record companies were hurt during the filming of this movie. Great compilation, with party tunes from Third Eye Blind, Smashmouth, and Run DMC. Not every tune in the film, but enough.

If you liked this movie, try these:

• Say Anything
• Sixteen Candles
• Empire Records