Mutant Reviewers from Hell do
"My name is Robert Hawkins. Approximately seven hours ago some *thing* attacked the city. If you found this, if you're watching this then you probably know more about it than I do."

2008 PG-13 / Scifi Horror Directed by: Matt Reeves Starring: Lizzy Caplan, Jessica Lucas, T.J. Miller

Tagline

Some Thing Has Found Us

Summary Capsule

In Blair Witch Project fashion a group of friends goes from documenting a friend's going-away party to documenting a monster attack upon the whole of Manhattan while undertaking an impossible rescue mission through the danger zone

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Movie Store [proceeds go toward monthly MRFH upkeep]

Amazon.com: DVD

Kyle's Rating: "call me up before you're dead / we can make some plans instead"
Kyle's Review: There is an excellent chance that, like me and my friends, you walked out of your showing of Transformers last summer entertained and happy but also possessed of a specific nagging question: what was that preview with the battered head of the Statue of Liberty slapped well into the streets of New York City? What the heck did that? How are we going to stand the wait for 1-18-08?

"So when people express disbelief that good-looking people with amusingly meaningless problems can be related to, I say: they are me and I am them!"

Whether you played the online viral marketing games between then and now, or just bided your time and resolved to stay mostly unspoiled, at this point you almost certainly know that the film in question is Cloverfield, and the medium ostensibly is the movie: a group of people throwing a goodbye party for a friend are using a (surprisingly resilient) video camera to record party farewells, and as a mysterious massive monster savagely attacks NYC, the man with the camera resolves to document the attack for posterity even as it becomes more and more dangerous to be running around holding a camcorder up to one's eye.

I haven't been too impressed with J.J. Abrams up until this point, but Cloverfield (which is arguably his baby, despite his claiming only a producer credit on the final product) has won me over to his camp. Presenting the film as found footage (no doubt locked up Ark of the Covenant-style in a government building), keeping the running time to a bare minimum while still allowing the first 15 or so minutes to build up the characters and the rationale for them to eschew easy escape(s) in favor of an impossible rescue mission, and giving us plenty of cold, hard facts about the circumstances and the monster while retaining a healthy amount of nagging questions: GENIUS. If Lost had stuck to this sort of blueprint instead of falling afoul of 'too many questions' and 'not enough answers' I might actually still try to watch it.

According to online reports, many theaters are filled with shouts of "That's it?" after the film ends, disappointed audience members blinking in fury and contemplating asking for their money back. Back in July 2007, no average moviegoer knew what to expect from this film. Come its release, apparently some still have bizarre or impossible expectations.

Cloverfield is a terrific movie, but I don't think it is a particularly great film. Which is to say that it entertains and puts a fresh spin on quite a few monster and survival movie clichés. But it doesn't exactly "reinvent the wheel" on those fronts, nor will it be a serious Oscar contender come this time next year. Part of the reason that Abrams has grated on me up until Cloverfield: he seems to be a master at creating mysterious scenarios not easily unlocked and increasing the tension, but for the most part he seems incapable of delivering answers memorably or in a timely fashion. His television work suffers greatly from that aspect. Thankfully, Cloverfield is a self-contained movie with a beginning and end so you don't have to worry about open-ended questions (well, sort of: see 'Intermission!' for some extracurricular information you can't possibly figure out from the film itself but don't necessarily HAVE to know ahead of time to enjoy the film).

Some of the best films have simply concepts executed with great fanfare on the screen. Cloverfield follows that tradition with a simple plot: amidst a NYC being devastated by a monster attack, a group of friends vow to traverse dangerous ground in order to save a friend in distress who may or may not still be alive. Were you expecting something grander, on the basis of that initial trailer or the veil of secrecy that descended liberally upon the film? Please don't tell me you were expecting Voltron! (Internet inside joke)

Quite a bit of sniping at the film focuses on the characters. Because they are "good-looking" in an The OC kind of way (I say "hooray!") and have the sort of meaningless problems that such people in TV shows/films tend to have (specifically, the singular inability on the part of our hero, Rob, to tell Beth, the long-time friend whom he was recently intimate with and has since given the cold shoulder to, that he truly loves her). One of my favorite Cloverfield reviews talked about how amusing it is that such problems are "insurmountable" to "certain people" (like Rob and his immediate friends) and implied that it is hard to relate to such weak-willed/unrealistic characters.

I saw Cloverfield with a girl that I'm tremendously fond of, yet I have no idea if she likes me in return or even if our going to a midnight Cloverfield showing counts as a "date." I actually don't know for sure if our recent nights out count as dates, come to think of it. So when people express disbelief that good-looking people with amusingly meaningless problems can be related to, I say: they are me and I am them!

Of course, should you really care about the characters when this is a monster movie and all that matters is how cool the monster is? Well, hold on. Although the monster is a constant presence in the film, it is not on-screen that much. Keeping in mind the short running time, though, it seems like the monster is around more than it is. Make sense? When you're watching Cloverfield and the monster makes its presence known, from that point on you should be on the edge of your seat enthralled or possibly throwing up on your shoes from the shaky cam (that stuff usually bothers me but I was golden through the movie; my only advice would be to avoid the first couple rows, perhaps).

(dramatic writing pause here)

You know what? Everything prior was written after contemplating my initial midnight release viewing of Cloverfield. From this paragraph on, the everything is emanating from a Kyle only a few hours removed from a late-night second viewing of Cloverfield. And I have to say that I am SUPER ENERGIZED and seem to be prepared to STAY UP ALL NIGHT LONG due to the INTENSE EXPERIENCE that is CLOVERFIELD or perhaps that coldbuster from Jamba Juice earlier came with a free extra booster shot of ILLEGAL NARCOTICS NAMELY SPEED.

At this point (early a.m. the Thursday after Cloverfield was released upon the world; a scant six days later) the film is firmly ensconced in the pop culture landscape. The story and secrets are well-known, there is an 'unofficial Rob's party CD' mix available on iTunes (although the tremendous "Roar!" Cloverfield Overture remains available only in bootleg form), and Hasbro has announced plans to release a collector's toy of the Cloverfield monster much later in the year (if you've got $100 to spare). I suppose now we turn to Abram's Star Trek re-imagining and the remaining seasons of Lost for amusing mysteries, if necessary. Cloverfield is a known quantity and no longer possessed of its air of secrecy; now to be judged on its own merits.

I've got to say: Cloverfield was just as flippin' amazing the second time as it was the first. For a big budget film of such a concept, we were probably only going to get one grand attempt. Thankfully, we got this, which is a note-perfect disaster film that nobly balances genuinely good characters with the relentlessly vicious reality of the situation they find themselves within. I have absolutely no complaints, with the caveat that I loved every actor and every character, was probably not going to be offended regardless of how overt or veiled the 9/11 imagery was handled, and only get motion sickness when I'm actually in motion (I will NEVER ride 'Star Tours' at Disneyland or anything similar every again, though I LOVE roller coasters). Not everyone will be so lucky. But for those who can endure, I'm enthusiastic and sleep-deprived-crazy enough to make my first such call in 2008: Cloverfield is a masterpiece.

Oh, and Lizzy Caplan is so awesome that I can't even believe it. More Lizzy Caplan in 2008!

Hookers are action heroes too! "Hey! I'm driving here! I'm driving here!" "This is far less kinky than you previously promised."

Didja Notice? [some sources: IMDb]

• That really is one resilient camera
• Hud totally managed to woo Marlena big-time in a very short time, thanks to the circumstances. Go Hud!
• The government slides at the start of the film state that the footage was recovered from a SD memory card. However, the actors constantly refer to tape as the filming medium.
• It SEEMS like the Empire State Building collapses only to be seen again in the background in a matter of minutes. However, it is apparently the Woolworth building that we see collapse, not the Empire State Building.
• People say that there is no way that the camera could last the seven or so hours that the film spans. But it doesn't record the entire time: Hud turns it off purposefully or accidentally, resulting in time jumps and the sneaking-in of footage from Rob and Beth's day together. So the camera only recorded for the length of the film: about 74 minutes
• Although if taken at face value the time stamps on the footage that we see place the monster attack as occuring over the span of Friday-to-Saturday, May 22-23, 2009, there are MILLIONS of people feverishly proving and re-proving their theories that it was actually 2007, or that when those of us (including me!) were watching that very first midnight showing the action was (supposed to be) taking place at that very moment in New York City. Since all the main characters have MySpace pages and all of them last logged in on January 18, 2008, a lot of people think it happened then, with the visible weather in the film supporting all kinds of different theories. Keep in mind, though: IT IS JUST A MOVIE.
• SPOILER! although (Kyle) did not notice it on first viewing, being forewarned to watch for it allowed (Kyle) to catch it the second time around: during the final Coney Island footage, in the distance you can see something large and fast crash into the ocean with a large splash. Although many who caught it immediately assumed that was proof that the monster was of extraterrestrial origin, it's apparently a little more complicated than that . . . (see Intermission entry below for the Truth)
• SPOILER! If you stay through the end credits, at the very end a garbled radio transmission is heard. When recorded and reversed, it is a voice (apparently that of director Matt Reeves) saying "It's still alive!"

Is It Worth Staying Through End Credits?

Absolutely! The '"Roar" Cloverfield Overture" plays over the credits and is a fantastically iconic piece of music that retroactively gives the Cloverfield monster the prestige it deserves. And, although you would have to record it and then replay it reversed to understand it, there is a little update at the very end of the credits regarding the status of the monster at the very end of the credits . . . (see the last Didja Notice? entry for the story for explanation)

Intermission! [some sources: IMDb]

SPOILER! There are a bunch of official websites out there that tie in with the film, providing all kinds of mythology and background and side stories and blah blah blah. All you need to know is this: the splash you see in the background is a Japanese satellite falling from orbit into the ocean, and it is this satellite's falling into the ocean that apparently disturbs the monster from its thousands-of-years sleep and brings it raging to the surface; specifically New York City.

SPOILER! Among the more memorable MySpace updates to the characters: Hud's profile changes his height to 2'6" which would morbidly imply that the monster bites him in half!

Groovy Quotes

Party guest: How are you going to survive without Rob? He's like your main dude.
Hud: I don't know.
[sees Rob passing by]
Hud: Hey Rob, how am I gonna survive without you?
Rob: I don't know. I'm like your main dude.

Party guest: I saw it! It's alive! It's huge!

Woman: What is that thing?
Officer: I don't know, but whatever it is, it's winning.

Rob: [into shaky camera] My name is Robert Hawkins. Approximately seven hours ago some *thing* attacked the city. If you found this, if you're watching this then you probably know more about it than I do.

Rob: Still filming?
Hud: Yeah, people are gonna want to know... how it all went down.

Beth: What is that?
Hud: I don't know. Something Terrible.
[while trying to get to a flight of stairs, Rob encounters a parasite and kills it]
Beth: Oh my God! What is that?
Hud: I don't know! Something different! Something also terrible!

Hud: Look, all I'm saying is that this thing coulda have come from anywhere! It could have come from outer space!
Marlena: Like Superman?
Hud: Yeah! Wait... you know who Superman is?
Marlena [sarcastically] Wait, YOU know who Superman is?

Hud: Okay, so our choices are we die in here, die in the subway, or die on the streets.

Marlena: It's alive. It's eating people.

Marlena: [as rats run through her feet in the subway] Oh god, this is nasty. This is disgusting.
Hud: They're all running in the same direction
Rob: Ya, like they're running away...
Lily: From what?

Hud: Rob, it is time to leave the electronic store.

Hud: Rob, what time do the choppers take off?
Rob: 0600
Hud: What time is that?
Rob: 6:00, Hud...
Hud: Oh yeah, I knew that.

Hud: [during a very stressful run up stairs] So, anyone know what that thing is?
Rob: I don't know, Hud, let's not talk about it right now.
Hud: Well, I need to talk about something or I'm going to actually **** my pants in this stairwell!

Soundtrack Review

Well, see, in a way there IS no soundtrack to review because the movie is home video footage that wouldn't have a soundtrack unless the person with the camera sang or hummed something. That said, apparently a TON of music plays in the background of Rob's going-away party, and is available as a party mix on iTunes. And be sure to stay through those end credits for the Cloverfield overture, which is awesome orchestration perfect for a monster movie (but relegated, by virtue of the format of the film, to the end credits). Dig it!

If you liked this movie, try these:

• The Blair Witch Project
• (any, really, even the American remake)
• Mission Impossible 3