Justin's Rating: Mutant Reviewer... 20 points!
Justin's Review: We've all been there. Sitting in a car with your fellow mates, you see a jogger on the side of the road. Or a flock of Starbucks-drinking businessmen. Or a White Pride parade. And everyone yells something to the effect of, "35 points! 5 more for the dog!" Are we, in contemporary America, sadistic and heartless? No, just brainwashed from a movie that most of us have never seen... Death Race 2000.

One of Sylvester Stallone's first movies, Death Race is set in a 1984-ish future where the masses are entertained by a transcontinental road race in which the drivers are awarded points for brutally killing any unfortunate people on the road. The head contender, a mysterious bionic man known only as Frankenstein, is caught up in a rebellion of sorts. And there you go -- two hours of very fast cars and very bad dialogue. Plus a gratuitous nude scene somewhere in the middle.

In a way, I understand why this movie was made. The 70s was such a horrible decade, particularly in the arena of fashion sense, that our American audiences needed a vision of an even more fashion-negligent future to make them feel at peace. Of course, Death Race 2000's idea of futuristic vehicles are 70s cars with cardboard fangs, knives, and blades glued on. Really, you can't get much cheesier, but you can't get much bloodier either.

The best and most famous part of the movie, killing pedestrians for points, is only explored through the first 45 minutes. Red paint is used liberally, and even the most G-rated people among us can't help but laugh when a retirement home wheels out some of the elderly for "Euthenasia Day" as the cars bear down.

Machine-Gun Joe (Sly Stallone) and his rival Frankenstein (David Carradine) are models of bad acting; Sly overacts and David goes for the Terminator school of talking. When they're speaking, the general feeling in the room is, shut up and get to running more people over.

So the future is... tacky, yet amusing. Strap in to this movie before going on any road trips, and always remember that rat dogs are worth 75 points (Justin is not encouraging anyone to run over animals, but the thought soothes his soul).

Didja Notice?
The scoring system; old people are worth the most
The President is called "Mr. President" and lives in another country
The one announcer who calls everyone her "good friend"
Horrible matte painting in the beginning that's supposed to be the race stadium

The Movie Store!
Death Race 2000: Movie [VHS]
Death Race 2000: Movie [DVD]

Intermission!
Death Race 2000 has been re-released recently as part of the "Roger Corman Classics" series on his New Horizons Home Video company. It contains a short interview with Corman, conducted by Leonard Maltin, about the film.

Groovy Quotes:
Joe: You know Myra, some people might think you're cute. But me, I think you're one very large baked potato.

Junior swearing: Chrysler!

Harold: As the cars roar into Pennsylvania, the cradle of liberty, it seems apparent that our citizens are staying off the streets, which may make scoring particularly difficult, even with this year's rule changes. To recap those revisions: women are still worth 10 points more than men in all age brackets, but teenagers now rack up 40 points, and toddlers under 12 now rate a big 70 points. The big score: anyone, any sex, over 75 years old has been upped to 100 points.

Matilda the Hun: Whoever named your car the Bull... was only half right!

Matilda the Hun: Well, what does she expect? You leave your navigator lying around, naturally somebody is going to run over him.

Junior: Here he comes: Machine Gun Joe! Loved by thousands, hated by millions!

If you liked this movie, try these:
Deathsport

Soundtrack Review: I wish there was a soundtrack and a way to accurately describe the various types of scores used to force you to mute the TV. Horrible, horrible, horrible.