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Mutant Reviewers from Hell do
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Summary Capsule
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Six British soldiers on an exercise go down to the woods, and are in for a big surprise. But it's not a Teddy Bears Picnic. Growl.
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What's that you cry? Tell us what the film's about already instead of waffling on about yourself…very well. As I understand it, when you're in the military of any nation, the top brass like to send the squadies out into completely uninhabited areas to play at being soldiers. I believe this is called 'training', or some other military terminology, like 'bunker' or 'second front'. In Dog Soldiers, Sgt. Harry Wells (Sean Pertwee) and his squad of 5 are dropped in the middle of Scotland's woodland on such an expedition, much to the displeasure of every member of the squad, who all had better things to do with their weekend than tromp through acres of Scottish timber in the freezing cold. If only that were the least of their problems… you see, it turns out that there's a reason that part of Scotland is pretty sparsely inhabited, and it has nothing to do with the areas lack of cable access or good satellite reception. Instead, it comes in the form of a number of big, hairy, angry and dangerous inhabitants. No, not WWF wrestlers. Werewolves. Spads of them, in fact. After a couple of less than successful encounters with their furry pursuers, and a more useful encounter with a helpful researcher Megan (Emma Cleasby), the battered soldiers make it to the only house in the area, there to muster their defences till help arrives. What also bears mentioning is the presence of a second British unit in the area, some special forces who's encounter with the werewolves is a spectacular failure, and who's only survivor, Cpt. Ryan (Liam Cunningham) is about as trustworthy as one of those 'I wish to deposit 8 Hundred Billion Dollars in your bank account' e-mails I get sent every day. For his own safety, Cpt. Ryan is forced to shelter with Welles squad and the stage is set for the majority of the film. House. Men with guns. Lots of Werewolves. By the time we'd reached this point a scant 30 minutes into the movie, I knew I'd found a new favourite. Ultimately, it's hardly an original premise - its Aliens, or Assault on Precinct 13, or even Zulu. However, the performance of the various squad members, as their desperation increases and their ammo runs low keeps you on the edge of your seat throughout. And unlike the films it obviously draws references from, sandwiched nicely in between the intense terror and desperation moments are thinly spread layers of black comedy, like a perfectly made sandwich, if the bread was the terror…and, well, you know what I mean. Whether it’s the back and forth banter of the soldiers as they bicker about meaningless trivialities, or some truly inventive battlefield surgery (I'll never look at superglue the same way again), the bits of this film that didn’t have me gripping my seat arms had me rolling in the aisles instead. However, the ushers quickly came in and asked me to stop, so I settled for just chuckling to myself. It's not all wine and roses though. The plot, as I've said, is fairly derivative, and the twists, such as they are, aren't particularly inventive or hard to predict. However, if you've gone to watch this film for plot twists or originality, you're probably missing the point. As a no-frills, unpretentious 'survival horror' film, Dog Soldiers provides a nice twist on a popular genre, with a bunch of good acting and some non-hokey werewolves as well. Be warned, however, that the effects aren't for the weak of heart or stomach. It can get a little gory at times, and there's internal organs all over the place in some scenes. Also, as you would expect from squadies in this situation, the language is pretty coarse from the get go - some grounded in British slang, some all-purpose swearwords, but all pretty offensive if you don't like that sort of thing. However, I'd be remiss in mentioning the one other thing in this films favour before ending this review. This film, as well as being darn good on its own merits, has earned a special place in my heart for establishing a new cinematic record: 'The Longest Set-up For A One Line Joke (Which Is Really Funny) In Cinema History'. Showing the kind of mutant dedication Justin demands from his staff (backed up by the threat of a week locked in the Mutant Office's cupboard with only a copy of Battlefield Earth for company), I've meticulously timed this joke - there's precisely 96 minutes between the set-up and the punchline. Whoa. In short, a great action/horror film you wouldn't take your granny to.
Dog Soldiers, a title that is either brilliant or incredibly stupid (I haven't decided which), is a horror/action movie that happens to be a frisbee full of fun. Sure, it's derivative (take your pick: Aliens, Predator, Night of the Living Dead, American Werewolf in London, heck, even Braveheart), but at least it's a wide range of rip-offs. And a major plus in its pocket is that Dog Soldiers belongs to the "we stay and fight" school of horror, instead of the "we flee and shriek like Catholic schoolgirls" school right down the road. Why Catholic? It gives it color, that's why! On an exercise mission (involving a cardiac aerobic workout, a light grapefruit breakfast, weight lifting, and power walking), a team of very talky soldiers find themselves in Werewolf Country. That's the middle of Scotland, if you're picky. Dry B&W POV shots and a "Mom, what's for dinner?" disemboweling later, and our boys are on the run from some cranky pooches. If you don't care about your characters, you won't root for their survival; and here, it's all about the caring. These are funny, excitable and resourceful men (plus one woman, a -- why not? -- zoologist) who are given to bouts of snide dialogue and weapon innovation when we need it the most. As they get trapped inside a house and are stalked by the beasties from beyond, the fun is just beginning. Like Aliens, there is the gung-ho jock, the second-in-command who has to take over the squad, the betrayer, the outsider woman who proves she's on the level with any man, and even an acceptable substitute for welding: nailing up boards! Oh, you'd think you were on the Tool Channel, with punny pudgy men and their svelte lobotomized counterparts waxing fine on the subject of pine wood treatment. Except here, these boards have a very practical purpose. That's right, to get shredded by werewolves time and again. Why bother with the nailing? Well, at least it looks theatrical. What really steams my rice is that someone in a marketing department over here thought it'd be a swell idea to disguise this movie just like any one of thousands of low-budget, hokey-looking titles. The U.S. box art is horrible, the trailer downplays a lot of the humor, and it got zero support from any studio. Fortunately, that's what we're here for, to dig out the shiny... silver bullet from the steaming pile of doggie poop. Sorry to be so graphic, but you don't know what we're up against. They mostly come out at night. Mostly. |
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Is It Worth Staying Through End Credits?
Film Legends: Sean Pertwee  OK, you’re the son of possibly the most beloved actor to play Doctor Who, John Pertwee, and you want to be an actor. Sounds like a tough gig; surely the son of such a cult icon is never going to be taken seriously in the film business?
Yet, Sean Pertwee has managed to consistently land little roles in big films, normally playing the hard-as-nails-yet-practical character you just don't see enough in cinema these days. Amazingly, after his first film appearance way back in 1987 where he was cast in the glamorous role of 'Orton's Friend' in the completely underappreciated 'Prick Up Your Ears', Pertwee has landed roles in some big Hollywood films as of late, most recently '51st State' and 'Equilibrium', as well as the lead role in Dog Soldiers. Good on ya, Sean. Of course, if you just hop into your Dad's TARDIS, you can nip into the future and find out what film to star in next… Intermission! [some sources: IMDb]
In the scene where Welles asks Cooper to knock him out, not only was Sean Pertwee actually drunk in that scene, but Kevin McKidd (Cooper) misjudged the distance of his second punch, hitting his co-star square in the face. Official and Not-So-Official Websites Groovy Quotes
Welles: We are now up against live, hostile targets. So, if Little Red Riding Hood should show up with a bazooka and a bad attitude, I expect you to chin the bitch!
[facing a werewolf]
[Joe, looking for a werewolf, suddenly stops]
Megan: How do you think morale is holding up?
Wells: Yeah, well, this gives me better piece of mind, sir.
Soundtrack Review
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Rich's Rating: This is the reason I will never go hiking in the Scottish forests, ever.
Justin's Rating: I'd take my granny to this, she LOVES horror movies! Seriously!
