DnaError's Rating: Fun wears double D
DnaError's Review: Ahhhh, Elvria, B-Horror movie hostess and buxom beauty. How quickly history forgets you! I missed the Elvria heyday of the 80's, since I was busy super-gluing my hands to the NES controller to play Zelda, but luckily, my friend's dad was a big Elvira fan and had the tapes of her hosting some of the worst movies ever made. While it may seem creepy in retrospect for a 40 year old man to have all these tapes, it's also easy to see why Elvira was so beloved among mutants and norms. She's sweet and innocent while still ripping apart the campy classics. Just a genuinely fun and talented person to hang out with (and man, what talents she has)!

In the movie, "Elvira: Mistress of the Dark," she gets to run around in a dangerously low-cut outfit and enough make-up to kill a horse. The plot seems to have been taken from any of the B-Level horror movies she hosted. Elvira, having left her show, inherits a fortune and Creepy Old House from her dead aunt Morgana and heads to town, only to find the local morality commit doesn't approve of her sexy dresses and showing B-grade horror films to local teenagers while she makes witty comments. (A bit like a sexy, sexy MST3K bot...not that I didn't find the bots sexy!) Also thrown into the mix is an old Sorcerers, a love interest, and Gunk..the world's only punk/shapeshifting dog!

The plot is pure trash, and they know it. So, the movie never takes a serious tone or drama, just off the wall antics and ample bosoms. Of course, what really makes this movie rise above the Horror Schlock it's based on, is Elvira herself. The character created by Cassandra Peterson is just so darn likable. Sure, she's a sexy woman who mixes double entrees and wit, but also dreams of stardom in Las Vegas and mixes that sense of movie cynicism and naivete so brilliantly that you just want to see her succeed.

So, mix a campy Horror-movie plot with an extreme sense of fun, some clever one-liners, and a character you really like want to stay with until the end..mix it all in a cauldron and you get "Elvira: Mistress of the Dark."

Didja Notice?
The most colorful dog in the world?
Lil' Baby Elvira!
The ripping of Horror-movie cliches? (broken heel in the graveyard..)
Her..*ahem* interesting show at the end, complete with rap!

The Movie Store!
Elvira: Mistress of the Dark: Movie [VHS]
Elvira: Mistress of the Dark: Movie [DVD]

Intermission!
Elvira is working on a new movie, Elvira vs. The Lesbian Vampires From Outer Space. I'd pay to see it!

I found an old tape of the Live action Super Mario bro. TV show, and lo and behold, Elvira was a guest star..doing what she does best..fighting a sewer monster. Gotta love a girl who can do that in stiletto heels.

Cassandra Peterson was actually a Vegas showgirl in real life, at 17 no less!

Taken from the Elvira website (www.elvria.com) below are a rules to follow if you happen to find youself in a horror movie...

"There's one thing that's the same in every single horror movie: the people who get creamed are the STUPIDEST bunch of BOZOS EVER. Sooo, I've got a set of foolproof tips for any of you who are dying to star in a horror movie and don't plan to hang on long enough for the sequel"

RULE #1. If there happens to be an AXE MURDERER stalking outside your cabin at night, make sure you're all alone, keep the curtains wide open and remember: most mutant killers find clothes a turn-off so prance around in the scantiest panties you can find.

RULE #2. If you're babysitting in a strange house and you get warned "whatever you do, don't go into the basement," make sure the children are asleep near an open window, then make tracks for that basement! Use a CROW BAR to get in if you have to. Once you're in, just head for the moving shadow and the drooling noises.

RULE #3. If you find yourself in the vicinity of a bloodstarved vampire, be sure to throw you hair back over your shoulders, exposing your neck as much as possible, and say things like "I'm just dying to go out for a bite to eat.

RULE #4. When you're running from a psycho-maniac killer, be prepared. Wear stilletto heals, a tight skirt, and don't forget to fall down about every 15 feet. If you happen to hurt your ankle, this would be a swell time for a leisurely foot massage.

RULE #5. I've saved my last big tip for you teenage boys. If you should happen to run into any guys from "Scream", (you know... the kind that can turn a dude into ground chuck faster than a Cuisinart), don't take him on empty handed. Make sure you're carrying something real bad like a Swiss Army knife or maybe a stick. The important thing is to look a little macho before ya get wasted.

Groovy Quotes

Elvira: I knew I was different but not DIFFERENT different!

Elvira: Revenge is better than Christmas!

Judge: Any last words?
Elvira: Yes, HELP!

Tom: At least you still have the ring!
Elvira: Yeah, but all I can get it to do is look cheap.

Woman: I'm sorry I set you on fire.

Elvira: Unpleasent dreams...

If you liked this movie, try these:
Pee Wee's Big Adventure