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 2004 R / Comedy Directed by: Starring: |
- No actual Europeans were harmed in the making of this film.
Summary Capsule
- Four friends tool around Europe and develop that special bond that you can only get by hurting a robot mime in the junk
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Justin's Rating: Ah, gropey Italians. They give all of us a good name.
Justin's Review: Traveling Europe is a dream, a grand passion of many people. At the risk of putting off any readers from said geographic region, I can’t see the attraction. I’m never fond of going to places where (a) I can’t speak the language, (b) I feel as though I have to hide my money in a very private physical area or else it’ll be stolen, or (c) goats are worshiped as the highest deity in the cosmos. Darn those Nazi superziege! Soon the so-called "uber-goatten" will be sweeping through the world entire, and only Caesar and the Pugbusters will be able to counter their terrible threat!
I kind of wish I could be more open-minded about traveling abroad, but it’s just not in my blood. My bloodstream does contain, however, plenty of white cell platelets that are fond of watching movies about other people cavort around foreign countries and having wacky, photogenic adventures.
In the horribly un-grand tradition of European Vacation comes yet another tale of suspense, horror and unbound breasts: Eurotrip! Our tour guides for this trip are sixth-generation photocopied versions of Freddy Prinze Jr. and David Spade — yes, I know they have real names and are real people, but the unfair comparisons just have to be made.
Prinze gets dumped by his girlfriend on graduation day, discovers true love via the internet, and trollops off to Germany to find this slim chance at happiness. Spade tags along, because he’s the sarcastic buddy who’s pining for sex even though several species of toads would find his thin-lipped smirk off-putting. Along the way, they pick up two more friends, twins Dawn-the-Vampire-Slayer’s-Sister and Some Loser, who are, as Prinze puts it, "the worst twins ever." It’s a good quad to hitchhike with, as long as those werewolves keep to the countryside. And the freaky mutated goats, but that’s just common sense.
Eurotrip’s theme, if I can attempt to sum up this movie’s equivalent of four years of advanced calculus into a brief fragment, is about these four friends going from point A to B, having some sort of [check one of the following: bizarre, sexy, disturbing, hilarious] escapade, and then merrily skipping on to point C, where more of the same happens. It’s a testament to this film, with no real big-name leads, that each of the four take turns keeping the comedy rolling in thick and heavy. I fully expected Prinze to be the straight guy (not sexual orientation, you understand), but surprise surprise, he gets into a robot mime fight on the streets of Paris, and my underestimation of his character is revealed.
Instead of relying heavily on gross-out gags (although a couple "OHHOLYCRAPIWISHIDIDN’TJUSTSEETHAT" moments are sprinkled in there), Eurotrip grabs onto sex with sweaty, hairy palms and doesn’t let go. I’m sure the unrated version, which I watched, featured even more nudity and hanky-panky than the theater version, but whichever you watch, prepare for plenty of male- and female-parts to be flying at your face in full 3-D.
With robot mimes, S&M, old naked men, very forward Italian men, Pope abuse, Hitler wanna-be’s, and *gasp* eastern Europe, Eurotrip is quite the larf in your spaghetti. I think you’d be pleasantly thrilled to find this comedy-that-actually-has-comedy if you take a chance on it.
 Do guys read Jackie Collins? And then does the world end if they do?
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- The nifty travel-themed opening credits
- Genitals are good for wind-chimes
- Dude, is that Matt Damon, shaved head and pierced ears?
- Ways to be humiliated #4506: have your ex-girlfriend’s secret lover sing a song at a party about how she cheated on you while you were going out
- Robot mimes fighting! How can movies get any better than this!
- Nice currency belt
- Lots of penises. Be warned.
- David Hasselhoff?
- A nickel can buy a hotel in parts of Europe
- Mini-Hitler
- As can be seen in the e-mail scene, Mieke's last name is Schmidt.
- You can type the title using only the top line of your keyboard.
- It is worth noting that the dominatrix is, in fact, Lucy "Xena: Warrior Princess" Lawless. [thanks Justin!]
Is It Worth Staying Through End Credits?
Darn tootin! There's a ton of additional scenes and bloopers played over the end credits, so don't leave yet!
Intermission! [some sources: IMDb]
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The first time that Michelle Trachtenberg did her bikini scene, she shook out her hair so much that she got dizzy and fell over.
Montesito Pictures originally purchased the film under the title "Ugly Americans", but later changed it so fans of Road Trip (also Montesito) would want to see it.
While filming the nude beach scene, Jacob Pitts would not put his shorts back on, because he was enjoying how uncomfortable it made everyone else.
The kegs at the graduation party were filled with real beer. According to the directors, in the scene in which Cooper is thrown behind Scotty after the hot tub incident, Jacob Pitts is quite inebriated.
Groovy Quotes
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Scotty: Let me handle this. I speak bad German.
Cooper: Dear sweet mother of God, we’re in Eastern Europe!
Hostel Clerk: Hello, and welcome to Amsterdam's finest and most luxurious youth hostel. We feature one medium sized room containing 70 beds which can sleep up to 375 bodies a night. There is no bathroom. Nor is there one nearby. If you do not wish to have your valuables stolen I suggest destroying them or discarding them right now. You can also try hiding your valuables. In your anus. This will deter some but of course not all thieves. Once you are inside, the doors are chained and locked from the outside. They will not be opened again until morning, no matter what. Should a fire occur due to our faulty wiring or, uh, the fireworks factory upstairs you will be incinerated along with the valuables that you have hidden in your anus. Tips are greatly appreciated.
Cooper: Oh, here it is. Bratislava. Hmm. Capital of Slovakia. Oh, here's a fun fact: You made out with your sister, man!
Cooper: You should see that picture, it makes all the girls in our high school look like walruses.
Jenny: I'm a girl from our high school.
Cooper: What the hell is that?
Jamie: It's a traveler's money belt. Frommer's says if you have one of these, no-one can rob you of anything.
Scott: Except your dignity.
Jamie: No, you just put that in your... wait, what?
Italian Guy at Vatican: This is one crazy Pope!
Robot Man: Ow! My robot balls!
Creepy Italian Guy: Oh, scuzi, mi scuzi.
Scott: They really are the worst twins ever.
Scott: I'm in love with Mieke.
Cooper: Okay, okay, you know what? I was actually expecting this, and frankly, no, listen, I'm flattered that you picked me to come out to first. And don't worry about telling your folks, 'cause I think they already know.
Scott: No, you idiot. Mieke's a girl.
Cooper: No, no, no, I get it, yeah. He's the girl, then you're the girl. Sometimes you're both the girl. Right? Right? That's hot.
Scott: You brought a guide book to a party?
Jamie: You wanna see my itinerary?
Cooper: You wanna see my balls?
Jenny: I'm a girl.
Scott: No, you're not.
Cooper: Yeah, you're just a cool guy with long hair.
Jamie: I had to tutor lacrosse players to save up money to buy this. So nobody touches my camera, except me.
Cooper: Oh, so it's like your weiner.
Cooper: Scott, would ya listen to yourself? You met a “cool guy" on the *Internet*. This is how these sexual predators work. First he's gonna want to arrange a meeting, then he's gonna kidnap you in the back of his van, then he's gonna make a wind chime out of your genitals.
Vatican Guard: [to Cooper, thinking he's mentally retarded] Have a very special day, for a very special person.
Scott: There are so many... penises.
Scott: I saw a gay porno once. I didn't know until halfway in. The girls never came. The girls never came!
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This review page was last updated on 4.19.05
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