Mutant Reviewers from Hell do
"Soon I will control the world! A great, big, beautiful, stoned world with potsmoke clouds and oceans of bongwater!"

2006 R / Comedy Horror Directed by: Charles Band Starring: David Weidoff, Robin Sydney, Michelle Mais

Tagline

Dude, it’s one SCARY trip!

Summary Capsule

It’s called Evil Bong. What else do you need to know?

Mutant Meter

Movie Store [proceeds go toward monthly MRFH upkeep]

Amazon.com: DVD

Al's Rating: Just one little toke. You know you want to.
Al's Review: Believe it or not, I came into this movie a little biased. I had a free rental at Blockbuster today and picked up Evil Bong for the sole purpose of mocking it mercilessly. I mean, it’s called Evil Bong. Isn’t that alone worth doling out a few rounds of abuse? It’s by the guy who made Puppet Master! Oh how the mighty have fallen, I chortled. I’ve seen Puppet Master. I know Puppet Master. Surely, this is no Puppet Master. So, armed with naught but my razor wit and my unshakable moral superiority over the gits who actually greenlighted this movie, I plunged into Charles Band’s Evil Bong. And *really* enjoyed it. Crud.

"Before long, the evil bong comes to life and, as I’m sure you guessed, starts sucking their souls into Bongworld where they are surrounded by strippers and murdered by bras with teeth."

All my pre-prepared jokes had to be trashed. I had my Rating all figured out (‘Just Say No’). Within two minutes of the first scene, I had scratched in my little MRFH notebook "THOROUGHLY ANNOYING CAST" in big, important letters, just in case I was going to forget how much I was going to hate the people involved. It was going to be wonderfully scathing. *sigh* Oh well. Onto my positive review.

Evil Bong is about, er, an evil bong, purchased from the classified section of High Times magazine by four roommates with too much time and too much pot on their hands. There’s Larnell, the paranoid rich kid living off of dad’s money (think Van Wilder but less interesting); Brett, the ex-jock still reliving his glory days in between joints; and Bachman, who is, well, more stoned than the rest of them at all times. Our protagonist is Alistair, the new roommate, who does not partake in the festivities, as he is working on his chemistry/philosophy double major and wants to keep all his brain cells in working order.

When the haunted bong arrives, Larnell, Brett, and Bachman fire her up for a test run and basically get blitzed out of their minds. Larnell latches onto the bong in slightly disturbing worshipfulness, giving it central positioning in the apartment and basically creeping everyone else out. By the next day, the bong starts whispering to them, and the roommates’ tokage grows more and more frequent. Before long, the evil bong comes to life and, as I’m sure you guessed, starts sucking their souls into Bongworld where they are surrounded by strippers and murdered by bras with teeth. As I’m sure you guessed. Suddenly the only one not under the influence, it becomes up to Alistair to take the plunge into Bongworld and rescue both his friends and the tremendously cute Janet, who has also fallen victim to the wacky tobaccy. Oh, and Tommy Chong shows up two-thirds of the way through the movie to save the day. Sort of.

Now, I want to be straight with you and make sure I’m not giving out a false impression: this is not a good movie. It’s maybe not even a movie you’ll ever feel the need to see a second time. The acting is, for the most part, atrocious and there are dozens of nonsensical, dead end sequences that I have to assume only exist to cameo people I suppose I would recognize if I were better acquainted with either the stoner lifestyle or director Charles Band’s oeuvre. At the same time, though, it’s difficult not to fall in love a little with a movie ballsy enough to name itself Evil Bong. It’s just too silly to take seriously, and the moment you start, you’re setting yourself up for failure. I repeat: IT’S. CALLED. EVIL. BONG. We’re not even in the same galaxy as ‘serious.’ It’s bizarre, it’s wacky, it’s utterly ridiculous — it’s Evil Bong. So turn off your brain, pass the Dutchie to the left hand side and enjoy yourself a few puffs on this. It’s good stuff.

It’s a movie about an evil whatnow? Pucker up! Gardulla the Hutt

Didja Notice? [some sources: IMDb]

• The apartment clock always read 4:20?
• You should never trust a bra that requires it’s own toothbrush...
• The evil gingerbread man? WTF?
• The bust of Jesus smoking a joint? Classy.
• Bright red electrical tape covering the labels on all the beer cans in the movie?
• Brett is pretty clearly playing one of the very first levels of Super Mario World, but when Alistair shuts it off he says he was on level 15?

Is It Worth Staying Through End Credits?

The Evil Bong does a voiceover for the first minute or so, after that it’s up to you.

Intermission! [some sources: IMDb]

The entire movie was filmed in seven days.

Groovy Quotes

Brett [to Alistair]: Revenge of the Nerds 12 just called, they’re looking for extras.

[picking up a seashell from his trophy case]
Brett: Bachman! What is thing doing here?
Bachman: Oh, that’s what I got on my trip to Maui, man! It’s like a souvenir.
Brett: So, what is it doing HERE? With my trophies?
Bachman: Just sitting there, bro. That’s what shells do.

Alistair: Ah flatulence humor. The comic allure of intestinal gas.

[in Bongworld]
Janet: Why do you want to leave? This place is so great!
Alistair: That’s the drugs talking, Janet. That’s the bong talking.
Evil Bong: Listen to her, Alistair. You two could be verrrry happy here together.
Janet: No, THAT’S the bong talking.

Alistair: What is it you want?
Evil Bong: Isn’t it obvious, Alistair? Use that egghead of yours! The more you toke from me, the more powerful I become! Soon I will control the world! A great, big, beautiful, stoned world with potsmoke clouds and oceans of bongwater!

DVD Review

You wouldn’t expect a full fifty minutes of behind the scenes features could possibly exist for this, and yet...

Soundtrack Review

A surprisingly comprehensive collection of tunes devoted to the chronic, covering rap, rock, reggae, and a few other genres, too. If this sort of thing is your bag, it’s a soundtrack to keep an eye out for.

If you liked this movie, try these:

• Half Baked
• Idle Hands
• Puppet Master