Gender Clash Week

What. The. Heck. is Gender Clash Week, anyway? Truthfully? We're not even totally sure. The idea for this theme week generated from the notion that, hey, we have four boy mutants and four girl mutants on staff right now, and wouldn't it be cool if we set them at each other's throats in a room ringed with electrified razor wire until only one survived?

That idea got shot down by our insurance company.

The next idea was even more sinister: pair one boy and one girl up, and give them license to force the other person to watch and review a film most decidedly NOT of their gender. Thus, the four guys found themselves straining through lovey-dovey-sappy-touchy-feely marathons, and the girls went blind after hours of unadulterated explosions and gratuitous nudity. For the next four days this week, we'll feature each of the pairs and the movies they made each other watch. We hope it's entertaining!

But to kick us off in the right spirit, we asked PoolMan, Nancy and Lissa one very long and unnecessarily complicated question:

What makes a "guy" movie a guy movie, and what makes a "girl" movie a girl movie? (What are some of the key attributes, in other words, that you think appeal to a specific gender).

Here are their immortal words.

How to define the "girl" movie... it's a tough question. It's more of a question of context really; most men are pretty capable of looking at a movie, its trailer, or (usually) just its poster and can immediately point and go "bleargh". Women are generally capable of returning the favour.

Still, a lot of the key traits that good male and female oriented movies are the same: characters the respective genders will remember, emotionally gripping scenes, and memorable lines. The key is in spotting the difference between the Terminator versus Mister Darcy, Ripley's fight with the Queen versus Hugh Grant accidentally spilling tea on Julia Roberts, and "Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun" versus "You had me at hello".

It's not always about the overt signs, either. Chick flicks take devious forms to worm their way into our studly hearts. Normally I couldn't be bothered with the story of two kids who meet again and again after leaving college and over several years before falling in love one fine New Years Eve, but When Harry Met Sally is just so darned funny! It's not fair! It's got all the pedigree markings of a true girly flick, but Billy Crystal demonstrating the White Man's Overbite gets me every time.

Rarely, however, does it work the other way. In trying to market an obviously men's movie for the fairer sex (who came up with that expression, anyways? I mean, it's true and all, but still...) you can get some hideously deformed results. Women were supposed to flock to Tomb Raider to see a kickass woman who's all about empowerment and beating the guys at every turn. I've yet to meet a woman who saw TR who didn't complain about the fake boobs and shower scene.

Basically, what it all boils down to is this: if you can't tell the difference between a guy and a girl flick, you probably have more problems than this article can fix. However, because we're good people here at the MRFH, here are some handy indicators you can keep in your back pocket in case of emergency:

SIGNS YOU'RE AT A MANLY MOVIE:

Guns. Lots of guns.

Giant robots. Especially if they turn into anything else.

Keanu Reeves going "Whoa".

Explosions. Everything blows up. Even things like bicycles and the ocean.

The trailer contains the line "Only one man can [FILL IN THE BLANK] and save the President".

Suggested items include "kill all the ninjas", "snowboard to the EXTREME", and "have sex with many, many beautiful women while drinking vodka martinis".

Naked or nearly naked women.

Kyle is sitting next to you in the audience.

SIGNS YOU'RE AT A GIRLY MOVIE

Soft piano.

Two or more women hugging (in a non-sexy manner, of course, and preferably crying)

Keanu Reeves going "Forsooth"

Tearful glances, just off camera, when nobody has died in an epic gun battle.

The trailer features New York, plainly in Autumn.

Naked or nearly naked women AND men.

Kyle is outside the theater, protesting.

There are two inherent differences in guys' flicks and chick flicks:

1.) Explosions vs. emotions.

Pretty self-explanatory, really. A guy's movie must have explosions. This is one of those more is better type things. More explosions = better movie. And same with the chick flick- more emotions = better movie.

2.) When men are allowed to cry.

In a guys' flick, the men can cry in these instances:

A family member or his dog dies

His best buddy has just been killed in the war

Maybe, MAYBE when he's just scored the winning touchdown or home run he MIGHT be allowed to shed one tear. ONE.

In a chick flick, the men can cry in these instances:

When he and the girl get together

When they have sex for the first time

When they have a fight

When she breaks up with him

When he sees her with another man

When they realize it was all just a silly misunderstanding and have their passionate reunion

When he sees something cute that makes him think of her

When he sees something sentimental that makes him think of her

When he sees ANYTHING that makes him think of her

When he sees puppies

When he holds a baby

When anyone dies, including the neighbor down the street that he never spoke to

When there's a sad story on the news

When the word sad is even mentioned

When he gets the mail

And so on and so forth.

Pretty simple, really.

What are my feelings on guy movies? I’ve always been a fan of superbly crafted movies, in any genre. The ones about life and love always grab my heart more than any other, but both of those subjects need to be intertwined or else I’m just left there going ‘psh. I’m above chick flicks” So, if there is a fantastic action flick, like Hudson Hawk or Con Air (not fantastic, but featuring Steve Buscemi), I’m there, straight-up. And you all should know by now, me and my affinity for horror.

But I guess there are certain things that bug me, and that are strictly one gender. One is that cop movie, with the two dimensional characters. I’m all for Lethal Weapon, because they’re witty. But I remember one film called Red Heat starring Ahnuld Schwarzenegger and James Belushi - “Moscow's toughest detective. Chicago's craziest cop. There's only one thing worse than making them mad. Making them partners” And although I’m really psyched about the hilarity in the cliché-ness of that movie - which is the main reason I like horror movies - I couldn’t bring myself to sit through the boring, manly nature of this movie.

Suburban Commando would by my second example. Sometimes I hang out with two guys named Jon and Joe. And they are stupid guys who take joy in watching silly crap, which I also enjoy… but really, to a certain extent, come on. Suburban Commando is the delightful tale of Hulk Hogan - The Alien who lands on Planet Earth and does like something with Christopher Lloyd and Shelley Duvall, who are a family, and tries to adapt to suburban life but has problems cause HE’S A WRESTLING ALIEN and then there’s action and lasers in the end. Joe and Jon didn’t get why I didn’t love it. To this day, they get a little hurt when I refer to it in a critical manner. But I gotta be me!

Also… westerns are long and boring and full of dust and overdramatic characters who just love to shoot guns and they have annoying accents and they suck, okay, westerns suck! Butch Cassidy was cool because it was funny and Paul Newman was cute. Otherwise… westerns are a dirty genre.

The point is, any well-crafted film, be is Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid or Lethal Weapon, can be great despite the genre. But the crappier, more simplistic movies in that genre can only appeal to the very strong genre fans. It’s why I can watch Blood Diner and have a grand old time while everyone else in the room is saying “Nancy, you’re taking this crappy horror movie thing TOO far”. And some genres stereotypically appeal to one gender. I can watch a kind of crappy love story as long as there’s love and I can clasp my hands together and go “gah!”. I know it’s mildly sexist, but to fight it I would have to watch westerns, so as for right now I’m cool with sexism.

Posted On:

3.6.05

Also Check Out:

MRFH Menu: