Mutant Reviewers from Hell do
"Can this really be happening?"

2008 R / Suspense Horror Directed by: M. Night Shyamalan Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Zooey Deschanel, John Leguizamo

Tagline

We've Sensed It. We've Seen The Signs. Now... It's Happening.

Summary Capsule

Some sort of event in the Northeast is causing random acts of complete self-destruction. Listless survivors travel listlessly towards hopeful safety.

Mutant Meter

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Amazon.com: DVD

Kyle's Rating: I'll say it at least a couple times in my review: this is one of the worst movies I have ever seen.

Kyle's Review: The Happening is easily one of the worst movies I have ever seen. A friend told me he thought it was actually pretty good. I now worry for my friend's sanity, or at the very least his aesthetic taste in film. We're supposed to acknowledge that whole "different strokes for different folks" phenomenon, where someone's idea of the worst thing ever can easily be someone else's bestest, coolest thing.

"A friend told me he thought it was actually pretty good. I now worry for my friend's sanity, or at the very least his aesthetic taste in film."

Sorry, but I find it extremely difficult to see how anyone could find anything remotely redeeming within this film. I was tempted to see it in theaters for Zooey Deschanel, despite a light personal vow to never give M. Night Shyamalan a dime. It's not so much wanting to see him rendered penniless as I simply never wanted to sit through another of his films ever again.

I only put The Happening in my DVD player because, well, a friend gave me a free copy. I, uh, don't know where he got it from. Sure. Rebelliously, I felt like it would be "okay" to watch The Happening because of the circumstances. My friend brought me the film without prompting, so it wasn't like I purposely sought it out. If a crappy movie you never wanted to see falls into your lap for free and it's an otherwise warm and uneventful summer Sunday evening, what do you do? What do you do?

Unfortuately, I chose "watch it". Needless to say, I chose poorly.

Atrocious dialogue. Ridiculous situations. Movies have transcended such things in the past, but combine that with dinner theater-like acting performances and an inept screenplay so bad that it seems to have a malicious intent to inflict discomfort upon its viewers.

Once you hit the 'cough syrup' speech, you will know that this is a new modern low for cinema. By the time Wahlberg starts singing the Doobie Brothers, which leads to another ridiculous scene of violence (albeit violence necessary to trim our "intrepid" band of heroes to a manageable level), you will feel like someone involved in the film is obligated to pay you back, either monetarily or with some kind of indentured servitude.

The only possible caveat here is that I have never really been on the east coast, beyond Chicago at least (does Florida count? I don't count Florida). So if people in New York and Pennsylvania and the like would respond to potential world-ending circumstances with dull, vacant expressions and idiotic survival plans, then I gladly acknowledge that The Happening does a fairly good job at capturing the dull, listless lives of such folk. But I'm personally thinking this is not the case. I'll take Cloverfield over this nonsense anytime.

I brought the DVD over to my dad's house so he could see it for free, too. He played devil's advocate for the movie, arguing that the premise (which is never really spelled out, although one theory is made more probable than the rest, surely to the defeated amusement of those foolish enough to pay full price for their theater tickets) was at least interesting. Which is definitely true; I'll gladly admit that.

But man is that acting bad. It has been noted that Shyamalan wrote the script with Mark Wahlberg in mind for the lead: if this were the only film with Wahlberg you ever saw it would be impossible to ascertain why anyone would do such a thing. But as Wahlberg has been arguably great in other films, you must again conclude that Shyamalan just plain sucks.

Please don't see The Happening.

Sitting! Sitting is what's happening! Cereal! Cereal is what's happening! Science! Science is what's happening!

Didja Notice? [some sources: IMDb]

• If you choosing your own method of suicide, 'mauled by tigers' can only be beaten by 'run over by massive lawnmower'
• Plants apparently have impressive control over the wind, or at least work very well in tandem with the wind currents
• This was the first M. Night Shyamalan film to receive a R rating

Is It Worth Staying Through End Credits?

I don't think so, but I can't imagine anything being worth sitting through any more of The Happening

Intermission! [some sources: IMDb]

There is a tremendous error in geography within this film. The characters board a train for Harrisburg, which is in the south central part of the state. The train takes them only to Filbert and stops. However, Filbert is much further west than Harrisburg (south of Pittsburgh).

Groovy Quotes

Elliot Moore: You're not interested in what happened to the bees?
[Jake shakes his head]
Elliot Moore: You should be more interested in science, Jake. You know why? Because your face is perfect. The problem is, your face is perfect at 15. Now if you were interested in science, you would know facts like the human nose and ears grow a fraction of an inch each year. So a perfect balance of features now might not look so perfect five years from now, and might look down right whack ten years from now.
[students laugh]
Elliot Moore: Come on, buddy. Take an interest in science. What could be the reason bees have vanished?
Jake: [after a long pause] An act of nature, and we'll never fully understand it.
Elliot Moore: Nice answer, Jake. He's right. Science will come up with some reason to put in the books, but in the end it'll be just a theory. I mean, we will fail to acknowledge that there are forces at work beyond our understanding. To be a scientist, you must have a respectful awe for the laws of nature.
[Jake raises his hand]
Elliot Moore: Jake?
Jake: How much does the human nose grow each year?
Elliot Moore: It's miniscule, buddy. Okay? Don't worry about it. You're going to be a heartthrob your whole life. I was just messing with you.

Principal: [to concerned teachers] Alright, there appears to be an event happening. Central Park was just hit by what seems to be a terrorist attack. They're not clear on the scale yet. It's some kind of airborne chemical toxin that's been released in and around the park. They said to watch for warning signs. The first stage is confused speech. The second stage is physical disorientation, loss of direction. The third stage... is fatal.

Julian: Hey, I'm going to tell you something that you should never tell your best friend.
Elliot Moore: Why is everybody saying that?
Julian: [referring to Alma] I saw her on your wedding day.
Elliot Moore: Again with the wedding. What?
Julian: I walked into her waiting room by mistake, and she was crying. She looked up and I saw her face. She wasn't ready to jump in, Elliot. That's not who she is. She's never going to jump in when you need her, man.

Nursery Owner: You know plants have the ability to target specific threats. Tobacco plants when attacked by heliothis caterpillars will send out a chemical attracting wasps to kill just those caterpillars. We don't know how plants obtain these abilities, they just evolve very rapidly.
Alma Moore: Which species is doing it if you think it's true?
Nursery Owner: Plants have the ability to communicate with other species of plants. Trees can communicate with bushes, and bushes with grass, and everything in between.

If you liked this movie, try these:

• The Sixth Sense
• The Ruins
• Day of the Triffids