Justin's Rating: only you... can make... my head so swell...
Justin's Review: This review is brought to you by Subway. Mmm, Subway. Healthy food prepared by so-called "Sandwich Artists", who assumably went to Hogie University and earned a four-year degree. Ah, Subway. Is there a more patriotic food? If there is, I don't want to hear about it.

Those over 30 call golf a sport of extreme skill and mastery. Those under 30 call it a sissy, un-extreme game. Those over 30 will spend hours, nay, entire lunar phases debating exactly how to wiggle your butt just right before you swing the little stick to hit the little ball toward the little hole. Those under 30 cannot flick by golfing TV shows fast enough to get to their precious MTV. So where does this wise reviewer fall in the golf debate? Well, until a week ago I would have scoffed along with the best cynics, but then I got roped into playing a game with some friends. Then I dislocated my knee on the second swing. As the ambulance rolled onto the green to retrieve my twitching body, two thoughts rolled through my mind:

(1) I have now lost all rights to ever mock golf again.
(2) This clipped grass is pretty comfortable to lay on for long periods of time.

So unlike myself, Adam Sandler successfully bridged the gap between the young and old golf fans (all fourty-seven of them) by portraying a hockey player-cum-golfer in his opus, Happy Gilmore. In a quest to raise money to save his grandmother's house, Happy discovers that his hockey days have taught him to drive a golf ball over incredible distances. Eventually his skill lands him in the PGA tour, where he goes head-to-head with the traditional Snooty Jerk Antagonist (Christopher McDonald).

It took a long time for Adam Sandler to win me over. To this day, Billy Madison does irk me a bit. I lie in bed at night muttering, "stupid billy stupid billy" until my neighbors spray hoses through my window. I just had a hard time ever rooting for a character that I would attack, rabid-ferret-like, in real life. Happy Gilmore is more of a balanced character, playing between the insane, epithet-spewing Adam Sandler and the likable, aww-shucks Sandler. Probably the best aspect of Sandler's Shakespearean acting skills lie in his yell. He does a terrific primordial yalp that conveys all levels of anxiety, frustration, and general bewilderment. It's a guy yell, and one that is worth learning.

Happy Gilmore is about as consistantly funny as any classic comedy. There's the now-traditional Sandler trademark of having bizarre characters pop in, existing for the mere reason that they're strange. There's a battle of fisticuffs between Happy and Bob Barker, which makes the price of admission worth it, easily. And overall prevails a spirit of fondness and teasing for the game of golf. It's hard to make golf, um, what's the word? Interesting. But this flick makes me almost slow down while flipping past any PGA tournament. Of course, if there's an Evil Dead marathon on the Sci-Fi channel, golf doesn't stand a chance.

Didja Notice?
Numerous Subway references

The Movie Store!
Happy Gilmore: Movie [VHS]
Happy Gilmore: Movie [DVD]

Groovy Quotes

[The audience is getting wild.]
Shooter: Damn you people. Go back to your shanties.

Virginia: What's this about you breaking a rake and throwing it in the woods?
Happy: I didn't *break* it, I was merely testing its durability, and I *placed* it in the woods cause it's made of wood and I wanted it to be near its family.

Happy: You know my girlfriend is dead. She fell off a cliff and died on impact.

Happy Gilmore: [to Bob Barker] The price is wrong, bitch!

Shooter: Stay out of my way, or you'll pay. Listen to what I say.
Happy: Yeah, why don't I go eat some hay. I can make things out of clay, or lay by the bay, I just may. Whaddya say?

Chubbs: Back in 1969, Sports Illustrated said that I was going to be the next Arnold Palmer.
Happy: Oh, yeah? What happened?
Chubbs: They wouldn't let me play on the Pro Tour anymore.
Happy: I'm sorry. It's because you're black?
Chubbs: HELL NO!! Alligator bit my hand off!
Happy: Oh my god!

If you liked this movie, try these:
Billy Madison
Big Daddy
The Waterboy