Justin's Rating: Here I have five feet of 1" rubber tubing. Here I shove it down my throat. Here I perform a self-stomach pump using the vacuum cleaner attached to the hose.
Justin's Review: Gloves off. I hated this movie, it grated, stunk, and putrified. Why am I reviewing it? Because Kym made me watch this, and I figure whenever she gets around to reviewing again, she'll want to defend this film.

The Incredibly Long Movie Title is a stupid concept drempt up by some New Age, retro-hippy that wanted to shove every possible stereotype into a politically correct movie. I hate that, it makes me feel dirty and then I have to take long showers and talk to my rubber ducky (and no, that is not a metaphor). The story goes like this: there's this teenage lesbian who lives in a lesbian household. Everyone's lesbian. Even the cat. This lesbian is unhappy, because her affair with an older, married woman is not working out. Wonder why. So she gets all gloomy and goes back to work at the gas station, where she tries to look as much like a guy as possible. She is the female lesbo stereotype: short hair, tomboy, etc. Then she happens to meet... Ms. Black Beautiful Straight-I-Have-A-Boyfriend, and the sparks eventually fly. I was waiting for an Oriental hermaphrodite to jump into the mix, but apparently the film budget was low.

It's a stupid movie. The characters were stupid, even for teenagers. I know, it's supposed to show how love overcomes oppression and yadda, but it's just dumb. Even the one love scene (thrown in there for any teenage boys suckered into watching this movie for lesbian sex) is not very appealing. I should probably shut up, since I am now a runner in the contest for Most Homophobic Reviewer, but I stand by my beliefs and criticism. As a film, this fails. Go see Chasing Amy instead.

Kym's Rating:Four out of four lesbian cats
Kym's Review:I finally reviewing this movie, and Justin's right, I am going to defend this movie to the death. I loved this movie and have seen it several times. To me, this is one of those rare movies that actually make the characters seem real. For instance, everyone at one point in there life has felt like Randy: alone and abandoned with a wall of seemingly indifference put up to protect them (at least, I know I have). And then she meets someone who makes her realize that there are possibilities to her life and that she just may realize one day. The fact that one of the girls was straight isn't just about "overcoming oppression yadda yadda", but the fact that you never know where you might find that one person. Between these two girls there is an incredible chemistry and as they attempt to come to terms with their relationship (everyone remember that first love affair and how it felt?), I was touched. At one point, when Randy and Evie are going through a picture albulm of Evie as a child, Evie looks up at Randy, who is not necessarily a beauty queen (and yes, Justin, your summing up of her looks pissed me off), and watches her for a second and then tells her that she is so beautiful. The first time I saw it, it took my breath away. That right there is what everyone searches for. Total complete acceptance, and even more than that, love for who you are.

Clare's Rating: 8 out of 10 lesbians agree - this movie doesn't suck.
Clare's Review: While majoring in women's studies and becoming a part of the feminist conspiracy during college, I watched this movie a number of times with all my lesbian friends. No, for real. I really did major in women's studies and really did watch this movie a few times with my friends who also happened to be lesbians. I'm thinking I may have a different take on this flick from Justin. First of all, I would say that it makes sense that Justin couldn't relate to this movie. Straight men weren't it's target audience I don't think.

This movie, although not perfect or profound, was refreshing for a few reasons. Lesbians don't get screen time unless they're the kind of lesbians that look good naked (and like to BE naked for your viewing pleasure) or are only lesbians until the right man comes along to help them out (insert porno music and/or Kevin Smith movie here). Certainly teenage lesbians don't get a lot of (ok, any) stories revolved around them in movies. For that reason, I commend this film for trying something that doesn't get done very often and for doing it in a way that was pretty true to life. Justin may have found this movie overly PC (for reasons that clearly bother him, but haven't been clearly explained) but since I actually know women who grew up in lesbian households and since I actually know lots of women (lesbian or otherwise) who look and dress non-femininely (look, I made up a new word!) and since I was around for all the drama and trauma that went into my female friend falling in love with a girl for the first time, none of this movie seemed all that far fetched or "PC" to me. It was clearly made on a shoe string budget and the writer/director obviously needs a magazine rack for all her issues, but at it's center is the story of two young people figuring out they are in love. Nothing too menacing about that...

The two girls don't really care about the whole "lesbian" issue, but are rather more interested in getting to know one another and are entirely caught up in being together. Welcome to young love. It's their friends and families that are freaking out. It seems to me that pretty much anyone whose ever dated someone their parents or friends didn't approved of could relate to that premise.

I, for one, found it to be at least a respectable attempt at getting a movie made with characters that aren't often (ok, aren't ever) realistically portrayed on the big screen. It's not a masterpiece, but it's a step in the right direction in helping to give different narrative voices a place in the movies.Straight teenagers get movie upon movie heaped on them revolving around first loves. It's nice to know that gay teenagers can now see themselves portrayed on screen(even if so far it's fleeting and there's no real variety). First loves are a pain in the wazoo no matter who you are. This movie doesn't seem to have an agenda much bigger than that.

Recommended for:
Nobody, except the lesbian cat.

Intermission!
Justin: At the beginning of the end credits is posted: For My First Girlfriend, May Our Relationship Finally Rest In Peace. Warms the heart fuzzies, doesn't it? Also, in the process of researching this movie, I found it reviewed on the Lesbian Flicks page. Check that out for a balanced view, I suppose.

Kym: I personally liked the dedication. Working through a bad relationship a few years back, something like that would have given me some much needed closure, and not just hippy, warm fuzzies. By the way, I don't remember a cat, Justin!

Both actresses who play the leads in this film have cameos in Boogie Nights.

If you liked this movie, try these:
Hot Lesbian Nude Chicks In Prison With A Lesbian Cat

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