Justin's Rating: I'm driving down Highway 40 in my big old pickup truck
Justin's Review: Welcome to Exceptional Visa, a town full of the most bizarre campy nutjobs this side of Washington, D.C. -- and that's BEFORE the aliens arrive. Personally, I wouldn't have visited Exceptional Vista (what with my limited vacation time and my scorching agoraphobia), except that Bobby forced me at carrot-knifepoint to do so. Happily, I've survived my trip and brought you all back a sensational slide show sure to keep the kiddies enraptured for hours. But it's gonna bore the heck out of the rest of you, for sure.

"This roguish bearded fellow is the prissy-named Dr. Karel Lamonte, who absolutely steals this movie. So much so, that he's still wanted in 9 of Canada's 42 provinces for grand theft cinema."

Settled in? Comfy? Good, here goes.

*click* Ah, here's a picture of a toothpick. By itself, it means nothing. So we should probably go on.

*click* Here's a picture of my delighted cherubic face, laughing heartily at genuinely unconventional humor found in this B-movie parody sci-fi horror flick. Yes, I just brushed my teeth. Thank you for noticing.

*click* This roguish bearded fellow is the prissy-named Dr. Karel Lamonte (Campbell Scott), who absolutely steals this movie. So much so, that he's still wanted in 9 of Canada's 42 provinces for grand theft cinema. Dr. Lamonte is an Atomic Scientist from the Atomic Institute, coincidentally visiting a small strange town the day of an old fashioned alien invasion.

*click* Here's Lamonte striking a dashing pose, about to stammer off something heroic, no doubt. Interesting trivia fact: Dr. Lamonte is Dr. Egon Spangler's (Ghostbusters) step-brother, which explains the similarities of approach, style, and nerdly wit. Another interesting trivia fact: I just made that previous sentence up.

*click* This is a pile of raw meat masquerading as guts 'n entrails. Yeah, so this movie gets a bit gorey, but I found it worked up my appetite for dinner. I had shrimp!

*click* Now these are the kindly aliens who either want to have sex with you or eat you, but they just don't seem to make up their minds. At least they're reasonably weird and funny, making this planetary invasion a week-long kegger!

*click* Here's Tom Everett Scott as a winy, incestually-obssessed boyman, in a role that probably killed any chance of ever getting a date again, but at least kept me entertained. Happily, he blends into this town, as most of the residents are quirkier than a genetic coupling of Twin Peaks to Springfield.

*click* Bathtub mannequin. It's best not to ask questions.

*click* Here's all of the awesome quotes from the movie. I'm sure you're wondering how I was able to transfer spoken words to a picture format, but suffice it to say, I was king of Pictionary as a teen.

*click* Oh, why not, I'm going to show you frame by frame every single scene of this movie and reenact the voices myself. That's how imperative it is that you bear witness to such a grandiose work of art that is Invasion!. Where else are you going to find a movie about a town full of mentally insane people fending off an alien invasion? Not Blockbuster, that's for sure! They don't like autobiographical documentaries!

Ba-dum-dum.

The watery origins of... POOL-MAN!

Didja Notice? [some sources: IMDb]

• Never accept sex from strange girls asking for it and calling it "the copulatory act"
• Wow, the mullet to end all mullets
• The picture of Jesus next to the animal porn magazines
• What women will do for a spanking
• Brother and sister need to learn how to keep their affection toned down
• Don't argue with a cop who tells you not to pay your fine
• Creepy lawn animal ornaments
• Don't try to demonstrate "cold fusion" with your dinner food and a pencil
• Aliens as traveling salespeople... selling banjos!
• Policemen shouldn't make up their own theme songs
• Why does everyone in movies always taste strange liquids on their fingers? I mean, that's just gross!
• Atomic scientists are into speedwalking and yodeling
• There's not a single food item on the table at that party that I'd touch
• It's more fun to pronounce it "ah-tomic"
• Okay, the raven-haired alien is pretty cute in a creepy way
• The dance montage is hilarious!
• The creepy guy reminds me of Terence Stamp
• The scientist's girly charge through the bead curtain
• Hehe... bathtub mannequin!
• How to "hold" a girl
• Crackers and autopsies!
• The "washing underwear" conversation
• Yeah, I think he's gay. Do you think he's gay? Yeah.
• Fish... have fangs? Okie dokie.
• Every guy (except for one) in this movie has a girl's name
• Jesus saves TV
• The running commentary... AKA, the commentary on running
• Killer punch!
• Um... so all three of them got married? Lamonte has a white pipe to match his tux for the wedding

Is It Worth Staying Through End Credits?

Not unless you're really into scrolling.

Intermission! [some sources: IMDb]

This movie was nominated for three Canadian Comedy Awards, and one International Fantasy Film Award.

Groovy Quotes

Dr. Lamonte: For God, in his infinite wisdom, creator of all things including space invaders -- although He likes us better...

Dr. Lamonte: A genetically-engineered band of devil-worshiping serial killers or a Sasquatch-type thing? I don't like the sound of that...

Dr. Lamonte: The skunk is a wily little fellow... which can be found in, uh, three varieties. One, striped, two, hog-nosed, three, French.

Guy: Aye, says Jesus, there's the rub.

Dr. Lamonte: Who's the big boy now?

Guy: I am the Alpha and the Omega and I also play the trumpet.

Dr. Lamonte: He's a real policeman...?
Guy: Cripes, course not. He's completely crazy. But, uh, we figured, heck, what's the harm.

Dr. Lamonte: Lock the doors, watch the windows, stay clothed.

Dr. Lamonte: Rule number one, if our leaders are keeping the truth from us, it's for our own good. Rule number two... [silence]

Dr. Lamonte: I have discovered the dead remains of a corpse, deceased, in the lumpy part of town outside of town.

Dr. Lamonte: We need to pursue something less... cold... hence, "cool fusion".

Dr. Lamonte: I'll follow you in my car.
Girl: I'm on foot.
Dr. Lamonte: I'll drive slowly.

Deputy Dana: Or... is he some kind of... swan?

Dr. Lamonte: I can't believe I forgot my hiking boots. And my underwear.

Officer Gayle: Fell asleep one night watching TV and never woke up.
Dr. Lamonte: Sad thing. However, if there is one good way to pass on, that is certainly it.
Officer Gayle: His dogs waited for him to nod off, then tore him to pieces.

Cop: How's a vaccine for Horn In The Head going to save mankind?

Dr. Lamonte: I don't want to bore you people with a lot of scientific jabberwocky.
Girl: [sigh]
Dr. Lamonte: But if you insist...

Dr. Lamonte: Anywhere from 200 and 202 teeth, but I can't be any more specific than that.

Dr. Lamonte: The government is in charge, no harm will come to us.

Dr. Lamonte: This could be one of those rare incidences when our government is in error.

DVD Review

The main menu features a lot of funny pictures floating around and terrific quotes from the movie. The extras here are kinda thin (I would've LOVED a commentary track), but there is the trailer to this straight-to-video movie, which is sort of rare.

If you liked this movie, try these:

• Men In Black
• Bad Taste
• Dude, Where's My Car?

Feedback

• e-mail Mutant HQ
• Mutant Café message forum