James Bond

Obviously, I could spend about two solid weeks compiling a massive guide to all things Bond… but I have better things to do with my time. Toenails to clip, flies to torture, the usual. So here instead is a cheap, disposable guide to all the essentials of Bondhood, just in case you needed a primer or bathroom reading.

006: Alexander Trevelyan (Sean Bean), a fellow double-oh agent of Bond’s. Supposedly killed at the beginning of Goldeneye, 006 resurfaced as the film’s key villain. Often returns in other movies as the good-turned-bad guy (See: Fellowship of the Ring).

Aston Martin: The most famous type of Bond cars used in the movies. Gets horrible gas mileage.

Blofeld: One of Bond’s early and reoccurring arch-enemies (played by multiple actors). Blofeld would today be most recognized as the biggest influence for Austin Powers’ Dr. Evil. Completely hairless, or so we heard.

Bond Babes (or Bond Girls): The hot-to-trot female sex symbols that permeate Bond movies. Bond Babes can be either really good or really evil, but all of them tend to sleep with Bond at some point or another, and usually lead a double-life. Bond Babes carry a dubious tradition of having double-entendres for names (Honey Ryder, Pussy Galore, Plenty O’Toole, Holly Goodhead, Molly Warmflash) and being complete bimbos.

First Bond Film: Believe it or not, wasn’t actually Dr. No (Dr. No is the first theatrical Bond film). A one-hour television production of Casino Royale was broadcast in 1954, with Barry Nelson playing an American Bond.

Gadgets: See Q.

George Lazenby: The second actor to play James Bond, this former male model portrayed the secret agent for only one movie: On Her Majesty’s Secret Service. Connery was holding out against another Bond film, so Lazenby (then 29 years old) was called into the service. Personal problems on the set and a poorly-reviewed film resulted in Connery coming back and Lazenby rushing into the sunset.

Gun Barrel POV Opening Sequence: Shown in every Bond movie, this short bit is shot from the perspective of looking out from a gun barrel to a walking James Bond, who turns and shoots the unseen gun-holder, who then wavers and falls as blood falls down over the screen. For On Her Majesty's Secret Service, Bond gets down on one knee for the shot. For Goldeneye, the gun barrel sequence was done in CGI.

Ian Fleming: The original author of the James Bond novels, which he first wrote in the 1950’s, growing to a total of 14 books. Casino Royale was the first Bond novel published (1953). He supposedly chose the most boring name he could find for his super-spy from the author of the book “Birds of the West Indies”. He wrote a bulk of the novels that were translated into the movies, but there are a handful of other Bond authors that contribute to the official canon.

James Bond: Member of the elite British Secret Service. Code name 007 (double-oh-seven). Holds a license to kill. Orphaned at age 11 (his parents were killed in a climbing accident, whoops!). Extremely sexist, cocky and clever. Think of that jerk in gym that all the guys hated but the girls were attracted to.

La Contessa Tracy di Vicezno: James Bond’s only wife, whom he married and lost in the film On Her Majesty’s Secret Service.

M: The head of the double-oh secret spy division. Bond’s constantly frustrated boss, feeling inadequate with only a single letter for a name. M’s been played by both men (Bernard Lee, for one) and a woman (Dame Judi Dench).

Martini: James Bond’s preferred alcoholic beverage. These are cocktails made of gin (or vodka) with dry vermouth. “Shaken, not stirred.”

Miss Moneypenny: M’s secretary, and Bond’s eternal flirt partner. Despite numerous innuendos, they’ve never consummated their relationship in the Biblical sense. Moneypenny has no legs, due to an explosion in a fireworks factory that she visited as a child, hence why she's always sitting behind a desk.

Pierce Brosnan: The fifth James Bond. Brosnan was actually courted to portray Bond in the 80’s, but his Remington Steele duties got in the way. Brosnan’s Bond was largely responsible for the 90’s revival of the franchise. To date, Brosnan has played Bond in four films.

Q: The head gadget-maker and supplier of deadly toys to the double-oh division. In each film, Q typically got a brief scene wherein he demonstrated some of the new ridiculous Bond gadgets and gave 007 a couple of them. Desmond Llewelyn played Q in every Bond film from From Russia With Love to The World Is Not Enough. After his death in 1999, the role of Q was passed from Llewelyn to John Cleese. Q’s gadgets have ranged from hovercraft gondolas to laser-shooting watches.

Roger Moore: The third James Bond actor (and the oldest of them all, born in 1927). Moore was Fleming’s first pick for Bond, and when he eventually settled into the role (for seven films), he showed a quirky streak of humor — due to Moore’s comedic background. Was in his 60's by the time he did his final Bond film.

Sean Connery: The first actor to play James Bond, and typically the person most people think of when they think of 007 (Pierce Brosnan would be a close second for many). Connery played Bond for most of the 60’s (for a total of six movies), announced his retirement from the role in 1972, but returned for the unofficial Bond movie, Never Say Never Again in 1983.

SPECTRE: The Special Executive for Counterintelligence, Terrorism, Revenge, and Extortion. The evil organization that Bond battles in many of the early 007 flicks.

Timothy Dalton: The fourth actor to play James Bond, Dalton was a so-so candidate who starred in two so-so 1980’s Bond entries: The Living Daylights and License to Kill.

Unofficial Bond Films: There are two movies that aren’t officially included in the Bond canon, but are still Bond films to many of the fans. Never Say Never Again (1983) is a sort-of remake of Thunderball, both starring Sean Connery as James Bond. It came about due to a legal struggle between EON (the company that handles James Bond) and Kevin McClory, who claims he had a claim to the Bond franchise. The latter who was only allowed to do a “direct remake” of Thunderball instead of an original Bond movie. McClory also owns the right to SPECTRE and the character of Blofeld, both of which weren’t used past 1971. Generally thought of as an inferior 007 film, and Connery’s last turn as Bond. The rights to the first Bond novel, Casino Royale, were sold twice and eventually turned into a late 60’s spoof of the spy genre, instead of a straight-up Bond flick.

Villains: A Bond flick isn’t complete without a key villain in search of worldwide domination — or some other overly-complicated plan — and their assorted lackies. Dr. No, Goldfinger, Emilio Largo, Blofeld, Jaws, Oddjob, and Drax are some of the more famous old-school bad guys.

Walther PPK: Bond’s tiny pistol, chosen to replace the outdated Beretta from Dr. No. The smaller gun allowed 007 to hide it on his person, and it could be equipped with a silencer. Often the pistol that Bond fires in the opening “gun barrel” POV sequence.