If The Real World Was Like The Movies... part I

        If The Real World Was Like The Movies...

        • The President would be attractive, young, and occasionally black and/or a woman [Justin]

        • Marky Mark invented grunge [Puggy]

        • No one would graduate high school until age 30 [Jen]

        • All cops would die on the job two days before retirement [Clare]

        • You'd automatically hate your soulmate, until you realized it was all a silly misunderstanding and he won you over with his cute and cuddly gestures. [Lissa]

        • Anyone with the slightest bit of training is a formidable force, regardless of what they are trained in (Tae Bo?!) or for how long. [S. Stewart]

        • You can save the store with an impromptu rock concert that everyone in a tri-state area will attend [Jen]

        • If an officer lost his badge it really wouldn't really change his involvement in the case [Stefan]

        • There would be no Republicans, only Democrats [Justin]

        • "Being poor" either means only living in a normal apartment or being homeless with years of accumulated wisdom. [Lissa]

        • The theories are true. John Ritter really did escape from hell [Puggy]

        • Everyone would have a sassy African American friend who only speaks in slang [Clare]

        • A scientist who has created a big disease or a cure for a big disease will have a short life span. Same goes for scientists who create anything of importance [Stefan]

        • Knives are useless, but each punch, shot or kick is potentially life-threatening [S. Stewart]

        • All girls with brown hair would be single, weird or miserable [Clare]

        • Everyone and everything would instantly erupt into a massive fireball if hit, dropped, or gently pushed [Justin]

        • Terrorists, while smart, always get caught [S. Stewart]

        • All gay men are skinny, attractive, well dressed and fashionable, and like older brothers to a group of female friends. [Lissa]

        • If you call the police with an even slightly unusual problem, they will think you're nuts and hang up on you [Stefan]

        • You can take off your glasses and become the prom queen [Jen]

        • Any woman over the age of 40 would disappear never to be seen again [Clare]

        • A 5'5" woman is fat if she weighs in at 140 [Lissa]

        • Famous bands routinely play proms [Puggy]

        • You're always fast enough to dodge anything [S. Stewart]

        • You could write your doctoral thesis, find the cure for cancer, or become the greatest swordfighter in the world as long as you had a really cool song playing over two minutes of montage [TheOtherSean]

        • Every small child would be wiser than Solomon, and turn adults away from the folly of their prejudices with a meaningful gesture [Justin]

        • You'd know when maniacal slasher killers were creeping up behind you because they'd be accompanied by a telling score or creepy orchestra crescendo [Clare]

        • The incompetent and goodhearted have the best luck [Stefan]

        • No one would ever have to go to the bathroom, particularly in the middle of a fire-fight [Justin]

        • Civilians would foil more crimes than the police [Stefan]

        • There would be hundreds of top-secret government agencies that no one knows exists, and at least fifteen world-wide shadow governments that pull the regular governments' strings [Justin]

        • We would haul nuclear weapons around in poorly guarded trucks much more often [Stefan]

        • All marriage proposals would either be desperate and done in the rain/snow/other incliment weather, or so elaborate it would take six months to set it up [Lissa]

        • Terrorists are usually brilliant high class men, who constantly tease those who opposed him with "witty" cliches [Stefan]

        • The world has ended/gone post-apocolyptic several times over by now [Puggy]

        • You'd never have to reload [TheOtherSean]

        • More scientists and evil people would refer to various animals as "Nature's Perfect Killers", "Nature's Killing Machines", "Nature's Perfect Machine" or "Nature's Perfect Killing Machines" [Stefan]

        • If it weren't for a handful of loner-type heroes, the world would have been conquered dozens of times over by now [Justin]

        • New York is really, really magical! Really! [Stefan]

        • Mithril armor would be both flexible and impenetrable and protect its wearer from modest amounts of force, all because it puts the hero in peril but keeps him alive, but not because of any particular properties of the armor itself [Jen]

        • We have the option of having a special edition of our lives, only now with extra footage [Stefan]
        Posted: September 2, 2002
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