If The Real World Was Like The Movies... part II

        If The Real World Was Like The Movies...

        • A team of federal agents will always burst through the door at the last minute to save you from any real danger you may be in. [artificial person]

        • When you walk around in whatever mood you happen to be in, you too would be able to hear the corresponding soundtrack song (by today's hottest young artist!) in the background [kyle]

        • It would be seriously difficult to hear anything down on Earth, what with all the audible explosions going on in outer space. [lexi]

        • There would always be time to take careful aim if you need to, no matter the situation. [dr. death]

        • The Chief of Police would always be black. [alex m]

        • Huge, violent fights in public places would go virtually unnoticed by the police. [finn mac cool]

        • No one would crap their pants when a guy in a with a machete sporting a hockey mask jumped out from behind a tree. [todd]

        • When you were depressed over some girl/guy, the next place you go to will magically be the one place that girl/guy happens to be. [kyle]

        • Doing the impossible (Bullet-time style) would simply require a philisophical understanding of complex computer programming. [lexi]

        • The military would be constantly notifying next-of-kin that their (very much alive) family member is dead. [dr. death]

        • Any lock, even those in a hidden terrorist compound, are able to be opened using a credit card or paper clip. [alex m]

        • Secret societies, demons, and long-lost relatives are real, and they're standing right behind you. [kyle]

        • Time travel would be as easy as ripping off a bucket of plutonium and customizing your DeLorian. [lexi]

        • All military equipment, especially tanks, would be made so that a single untrained person can operate them effectively against any enemy no matter the size or skill of the horde. (Did someone mention this already? Sorry if I ripped you off, my mind is gone.) [dr. death]

        • When we turn on the news, there will always be a story that personally affects us. [alex m]

        • The cast of Saturday Night Live would repeatedly assume false identities in order to have humorous adventures. [finn mac cool]

        • If you were desperate to see someone, you could run to the door and open it like you were about to run out of the house, and that person would be standing there about to knock. Same deal with phone calls. [kyle]

        • A shotgun, a groovy home-made mechanical gauntlet, and a gargantuan chin would be all you need to conquer an army of the dead in medieval times! [lexi]

        • If you think someone is especially clumsy, chances are there's an assassin somewhere in the vicinity trying to kill him. [dr. death]

        • During an alien invasion, giant monster attack, or instance of the dead coming back to life, the mayor would always be more concerned about how it affects his chances for reelection. [alex m]

        • You would never have to go to the bathroom again. [kyle]

        • Swords and knives would only work in stabbing or lunging modes, being totally ineffective for slashing on the pull-back. [dr. death]

        • A long, drawn out speech about never giving up hope or a declaration of love could bring anybody out of a coma or back from the dead. [alex m]

        • When you broke up with your childhood sweetheart, that person went off to spend the next 5-10 years becoming your ideal partner, and they'll return just in time to object during your wedding ceremony (to someone you don't really love anyway). [kyle]

        • This being a world with an extensive military-indusrial complex, there would be a great number of books and other reference material on the manufacture and physical properties of Mithril. [dr. death]

        • If you are a child, you will survive any situation, no matter how dangerous or threatening, because young children will never, ever die. If you are an adult, just surround yourself by a group of 9 year olds, and you will be invincible from attacks by Aliens, dinosaurs, or terrorists. [dr. death]

        • Close friends will slip, fall, and run into things, and you'll be free to just roll your eyes and continue on your way. [kyle]

        • If you really dig your significant other and your best friend doesn't, eventually your significant other and your best friend will fall in love and at first you'll be mad, but then you'll come around. [kyle]

        • Any time you have roommates and you're all going on blind dates, there will be at least one case of mistaken identity. [kyle]

        • Just adding glasses and parting your hair on the other side will completely fool 95% of the world's population into thinking you're someone else. [kyle]

        • No one would question long-lost twins. [kyle]

        • Driving from one location to another, regardless of actual distance, takes five minutes. [kyle]
        Posted: November 3, 2002
        edited by Justin


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        - If The Real World Was Like The Movies Part I

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