Justin's Rating: The Mighty Duck Avenger
Justin's Review: Important movie lesson coming up, boys and girls, so I suggest taking out some paper and a pen and then realize that you're way too easily led by commands from a complete stranger. The lesson is thus: how much you like a certain film is most often determined the first time you see it -- and this judgment can be easily clouded due to certain factors (such as who you see it with, what kind of mood you're in, whether a screaming baby is whizzing in your ear from three rows back, etc). A true movie buff will reserve permanent judgement on a film until he or she has seen a particular film twice. I know my opinion of certain movies have changed dramatically when I saw them again after a period of time (example: I loathed Dead Man On Campus the first time I saw it in theater, yet now I've come to appreciate its fine nuance of stupidity).

Why this lesson? Simple... I easily dismissed Loaded Weapon 1 when I saw it back in '94 as yet another Airplane/Naked Gun/Hot Shots clone. Which, true, it was. But a mere week ago I gave it another chance, and discovered that a pretty nifty film yearned to tickle my funny bone (extra points to those that did not wince when you read "nifty" or "tickle my funny bone" in the preceding sentence).

Loaded Weapon 1 is a loose parody of the Lethal Weapon films, with a few other homages thrown in. Wes Lugar (a pre-Pulp Fiction Samuel Jackson) steps into Danny Glover's pissed off character quite admirably. Jackson just has the perfect timing and intonation for exasperated comeback lines. Emilio Estevez doesn't fare as well as Jack Colt, a whinier version of Mel Gibson. It's sad that this is as close to an action role as he'll ever get (bar Judgement Day), but that's what you get when you sell out to a kiddie series of hockey films. The two team up to fight an evil dude (William Shatner) who's been hiding cocaine in girl scout cookies.

Expect a lot of the same type of humor as the Naked Gun flicks. This means, keep an eye on the background at all times and be quick to spot the many puns (one of my favorites was a collection of torture instruments that included Howard The Duck). Jackson and Estevez do all right together, but the rest of the cast is where the talent really lies. Jon Lovitz is their annoying informant/sidekick, doing a much better job (in our opinion) than Master "OK OK OK OK" Joe Pesci. Have you been looking for a movie with lots of famous cameos? Look no further.

Estevez' brother Charlie Sheen (Hot Shots!) has a bit part as a valet, Scotty from Star Trek is a coffee-machine cop, the CHiPs cops are seen in a second-floor shootout (including their motorcycles), and there's Whoopie Goldberg, Kathy Ireland, Dr. Joyce Brothers, Denis Leary, Phil Hartman, and even Bruce Willis. Yah just can't lose, here. Or maybe you can.

Part of this genre's trademark is to bombard you with joke after joke after joke until you've either died of laughing asphyxiation or used the videotape to wipe your dog's butt. It all comes down to what percentage of the jokes are genuinely funny (to use an example from Airplane!, Turkish Prisons are funny, countless literal puns are not). I think Loaded Weapon 1 has enough funny parts to carry a few scenes that seem to drag with fart humor.

Didja Notice?
How many times Whoopi is shot
That Shatner has reached a level of goofy that will send him to his grave (hopefully)
Tim Curry is the 90's stereotype of comedic villians
How obvious that Claire was a dog before the big secret came out?

The Movie Store!
National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1: Movie [VHS]

Intermission!
Bruce Willis actually lives on Pacific Coast Drive. Probably not in a trailer home, though.

Groovy Quotes:

Colt: Who are you?
Jigsaw: I am you worst nightmare.
Colt: No, waking up without my penis is my worst nightmare.

Colt: Give me a name!
Beckard: Weren't your parents supposed to do that?

Capt. Doyle: Don't be so fast to thank me on this, Luger, because you're going to be naked on this one. It's on the line for you. People are going to be watching. Now you blow it, you're going down. You screw up, you're going to be hung out to dry. You drop the ball, you're going to be left twisting in the wind. If you embarrass this department, your pants will be dancing with figs. Is that clear?
Luger: Everything except for the "dancing with figs" part.

Luger: I don't think York was a suicide. She was on to something.
Boss: On something is more likely. You know as well as I that this guy's cookies were laced with cocaine.
Luger: No wonder I couldn't eat just one.

Colt: It'll take more than a few car bombs to scare us off.
Lugar: Not too many more!

If you liked this movie, try these:
Naked Gun
Airplane!
Hot Shots!

DVD Review:
Justin: No special reason compelled me to get this DVD instead of the VHS version, really, but it's a nice little additon to the family. The extras here are (get a pencil to write all this down!) the trailer and cast & crew info. That's it! Actually, there are are hidden trailers for The Long Kiss Goodnight and Menace II Society in the bios. So, nothing great here, but I like the movie anyway.