Mutant Reviewers from Hell do
“Oh, I think my bunny slippers just ran for cover.”

[year/rating] 1998 PG [genre] Animated Fantasy [director] Tony Bancroft & Barry Cook [starring] Ming-Na Eddie Murphy B.D. Wong Pat Morita

Tagline

The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all.

Summary Capsule

Cross-dressing chick saves China from weirdly drawn Huns. Film at 11.

Mutant Meter

Movie Store [proceeds go toward monthly MRFH upkeep]

Check out this movie in VHS or DVD, and the soundtrack CD

Sue's Rating: Be a man!
Sue's Review: My offspring might consider it nosiness, laziness, the hovering threat of censorship or (hopefully) quality time, but I watch a lot of television and movies with them. Sometimes it's fun (VeggieTales), sometimes it's educational (I learned the lyrics to La Bamba and how to do the Locomotion from a kiddie sing-along video!), it's frequently excruciating (The Swan Princess) and sometimes it qualifies as one of the seven levels of hell ("Pika-pika-pika-choooo!"). I can only be grateful that both the urchins were beyond pre-schoolerdom when Boohbah came out. Getting hit at the tail end of toddlerhood with the Teletubbies was quite bad enough, thank you.

"Now that I think about it, why didn't she just lend the potato to her Dad?"

In any case, I have to admit that I do prefer the sort of entertainment that caters to kiddies while not entirely forgetting the poor schmuck who pays the cable bills and rental fees. So I don't mind snuggling down on the couch with a descendent or two, a bowl of popcorn, a scavenging hound at my feet and a family friendly movie whirring merrily along in the VCR or DVD player. (Okay, I do have one major beef with the Disney folks specifically - namely their mission to kill off parents and/or siblings in just about every freakin' movie they've ever made, but I've already ranted enough about that.)

Enter last Saturday, my kids, my dogs, the aforementioned snack food and Mulan.

Fa Mulan (Y'know the last name goes first in China, right? Yeah, I thought you did.) isn't just a lovely young woman aiming — Eagerly! Yikes! — for a future of arranged marriage, childbirth without Demerol and family honor. She's also apparently the Ming (or whichever) Dynasty Poster Child for Murphy's Law. Setting that aside, life is looking pretty good at first. Her parents are doting, her horse manages to look noble and handsome even if he does have the conformation of an Idaho spud on stilts, and she's got a dog who seems to be either a Stitch prototype or an homage to Pac-Man. But y'know, there's this rogue "lucky" cricket and then the matchmaker catches on fire and the Huns invade China and suddenly it's not all egg rolls and happy fortune cookies for the Fa family.

To meet the threat, (of the Huns, not the rogue cricket), the Emperor reinstates the draft, in which one man from every family must join the army... unless he's in college, has a lot of money, knows a senator, or deserts to Canada. Mulan's father, a veteran, is all set to answer the call, but his habit of proudly throwing aside his cane and then falling over would seem to indicate that he's not going to be much use since trench warfare won't be implemented until the American Civil War. (It won't even be trendy until World War I.)

Mulan makes the decision that even though she can't get a man, she can be a man, gives herself a really tough guy haircut (with a... uhm... bun), saddles up her potato and gallops off to boot camp under the assumed manly-man name of... Ping. Of course, the folks at home discover what she did, but cross-dressing is right up death penalty alley, so they decide not to spill the bean curd. Hmm. Now that I think about it, why didn't she just lend the potato to her Dad? Oh. Cause then there wouldn't be a story. Right.

Anyway, the deceased family ancestors, who apparently have their own condo on the property, decide to take action and send a family guardian to retrieve Mulan. Unfortunately, there's a technical glitch, so Mushu (Eddie Murphy), a stunted dragon who sounds amazingly like Shrek's Donkey (cause he is), sets out on the rescue mission... along with the rogue cricket. However, he's sort of in the ol’ bamboo steamer himself, so instead of bringing home the prodigal girl who would be guy, Mushu decides to help Mulan become all she can be. As a man. In the army.

Chaos, epic battles and Panda-monium (*snerk*) ensue.

This is a Disney movie, and so in a lot of ways it's predictable. You have comedy, tragedy, interesting and amusing supporting characters and bad guys with really weirdly drawn eyes. There're also some huge climactic scenes that would have taken a major toll on the extras and stuntmen if it weren't animated. But none of that really detracts from the movie because it's expected from the get-go.

All in all, this is a fun movie with plenty of humor, decent music and… well, Mulan definitely looks better as a man than Dustin Hoffman looked as a woman. Can’t be bad, right? Stop by and we’ll toss it in the VCR. Just remember to bring the popcorn.

Definitely a diverse focus group. Is this really the time for playing with sparklers? A girl and her potato.

Didja Notice? [some sources: IMDb]

• Sing along with Donny Osmond!
• Another parent bites the dust. Thank you, Disney!
• Yes, the dress did make Yao look fat.
• Writing crib notes on arms – another ancient Chinese invention.
• Chinese horses looked like potatoes. Hun horses looked like concrete blocks. You do the math.
• Crickets make excellent, if not lucky, pets.
• Mulan’s timesaving chicken feeding method.
• Chinese Gothic!

Is It Worth Staying Through End Credits?

Didn’t notice!

Intermission! [some sources: IMDb]

The story of Mulan is an actual ancient Chinese fable.

Groovy Quotes

Mushu: Oh, I think my bunny slippers just ran for cover.

Mulan: I never want to see another naked man again. [Several naked men run by.]

Mushu: Did you see those Huns? They popped out of the snow! Like daisies!

Mulan: Uhh, I mean, sorry you had to see that. You know how it is when you get those, uh, manly urges. And you just have to kill something... fix things, uh, cook outdoors...

Mushu: I'm doomed. And all 'cause Miss Man decides to take her little drag show on the road.

Mushu: Of course. I'm travel-sized for your convenience. If I was my real size, your cow here would die of fright. [Khan the horse snaps at Mushu] Down, Betsy.

Emperor: You don't meet a girl like that every dynasty.

Yao: I'm going to hit you so hard it will make your ancestors dizzy.

Mulan: Just because I LOOK like a man doesn't mean I have to smell like one!

DVD Review

The special edition DVD features deleted scenes, music videos, director comments, and the inevitable “Making of“ featurette.

Soundtrack Review

Hey, if you can get past the fact that Donny Osmond is singing…

If you liked this movie, try these:

• The Hunchback of Notre Dame
• Pocahontas
• Aladdin