THE NOMAD'S NEW HOME ***************************

It's been over a month now, and we're smack dab in the middle of summer.
Smack dab, that's fun to say.  Where have we, your trusty MRFH servents,
been all this time?

We know you're bearly surviving on re-runs and the umpteenth time seeing
The Phantom Menace.  But we have a good excuse, actually a couple of them.
I, Justin, have moved from Pennsylvania to Colorado Springs, CO and
started a new job.  So far, I don't really have a home (hence, a solid
internet connection), so things might be spotty for a short time yet.  But
we do have a ton of new stuff for you to chew on, so come on back where
the bargains are always stranger than fiction!

A NEW FACE (SORT OF) *********************

Kyle, a 20-year-old Californian, has braved our gauntlet to become a new
MRFH correspondant.  He mainly impressed us by sending TWO reviews when
applying, forcing us to read more and eventually give up and grant him the
position.  Kyle's new reviews and bio are posted.

SPEAKING OF REVIEWS *********************

JUSTIN: The Goonies, The Matrix, Pi, The Cube, Star Wars: The Phantom
Menace, Can't Hardly Wait
POOLMAN: The Matrix, The Phantom Menace
KYLE: Real Genius, Ferris Beuller's Day Off

OUT WITH THE OLD, IN WITH THE WEIRD **************

We are changing our review format slightly.  Goodbye to the "Recommended
For" section, which was pretty underused.  Hello to the new "Didja
Notice?" section, which features bits of trivia that we noticed while
watching the film numerous times.  A die-hard cult aficianado should be
able to identify each point on our list.

NEW FEATURED PAGES ********************

CultWatch 99 is a page I created to help predict up-and-coming cult films
of 1999.  No guaruntee, but it should give a good heads-up.

The 30-Minute MRFH Tour is a page specifically designed for newcomers to
understand our site and sample it's delectables within a half-hour.

4.9 AIN'T SO BAD **********************

The MRFH was recently reviewed by "Draco Says" and given a stellar 4.9 out
of 5.0 rating.  And we didn't even have to bribe her!

POOLMAN'S POND ***********************

Don't ignore PoolMan's Picks: he continues to expand our world through new
Picks of the Week and his weekly rant.  This week: rotten reviewers.

ARE YOU A PROFESSIONAL MOVIE WATCHER: A QUIZ ********

Like skanky mags such as Cosmopolitan, the MUTANT likes to appeal to our
SAT bubble-sheet minds with a simple quiz to determine how much of a
purist movie freak you really are.  Remember, be honest, or we'll make you
clean out our cages!

1. EQUIPMENT: My home movie theater consists of...
     A. A TV and VCR
     B. TV, VCR, and stereo surround sound
     C. All of the above, plus a DVD player, cable movie channel acceess,
and a computer dedicated to viewing the Mutant Reviewers From Hell web
site 24/7

2. FORMAT: I prefer the following format when watching movies...
     A. Full-screen (pan and scan)
     B. Wide-screen (letterbox)
     C. I have DVDs that feature BOTH

3. NEW MOVIES: I will see a heavily hyped movie...
     A. Whenever; probably a week or so after it comes out
     B. Day one, fifth person in life for the first show
     C. I break into advance screenings and grainy internet videos

4. RENTALS: I will rent a movie if...
     A. It's a blockbuster success and has my favorite stars in it
     B. The box looks weird and my friends told me that my oddball nature
would enjoy it
     C. It was recommended on the MRFH site

5. QUOTING: I remember quotes from movies...
     A. Only up to five seconds after I hear them
     B. When I've seen the film and my friends quote back and forth with me
     C. Because I watch a film ten times in a row in order to memorize it
completely
======
A: 1 point, B: 2 points, C: 3 points

5-7 points: MOVIE SCRUFF.  You watch on occasion, but movies just don't
pre-empt Monday Night Football or ER.

8-13 points: MOVIE LOVER.  Dedicated watcher, you like to reach beyond the
norm to preserve the movie experience.

14-15 points: MOVIE BUFF.  Your ideal movie watching situation is to have
your own theater with digital surround sound, and see every movie until
you could have directed it yourself.

MOVIE RENTAL LIST ***********

cut here - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

MRFH rental list (June)

_| Can't Hardly Wait
          "Don't get me wrong: the babe is babe."  - Justin

_| Black Belt Jones
          "And someone composed opening music that combines the best
elements of (a) Disco, and (b) Monkeys."  - Justin

_| Pi
          "Pi is well-crafted, and even appealing to people who don't give
a rip about math."  - Justin

_| Reservoir Dogs
         "You'll never listen to "Stuck in the Middle With You" the same
way again."  - Andie

That's it for this time!  Stay tuned...
justin