the MUTANT vol 3 issue 6
1-30-2000
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This Week's Identify That Movie Quote:
"No women.  No kids."
(answer to last issue's quote: Norm McDonald, "Dirty Work")
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Hola mis chicos y chicas!

So I'm watching the Superbowl right now (you may have heard of it), not
for the game (if only the Colts had made it!), not just for the
commercials (although those are good), but for just one brief glance at
the upcoming "Clerks: The Cartoon".  Is that sad?  Pathetic?  Inspiring?
Well, come March 2000, I won't really care all that much.  "Bring back
Clerks!" was our rallying cry, and ABC doth deliver.  If your interested
in this upcoming show, I recommend checking out News Askew
(www.newsaskew.com) and Clerks the Cartoon (www.clerksthecartoon.com).

It's been a slow month, movie-wise.  Supernova?  Angela's Ashes?  MRFH:
The Movie?  I'll just settle for renting right now.  At least Scream 3
comes out next week, along with a hope that Neve Campbell will finally see
what her insides look like.  This is also another great reason to watch
the Superbowl: summer movie previews.

We've been accused, here at the Mutant Reviewers From Hell, of making our
application process to become a correspondant too difficult.  Not true!
In fact, just recently another Canadian passed our rigorous tests to
become the newest member on our staff.  Toni, who has a disturbing
affection for Christopher Walken, had to overcome these tests in her
application process:

1. Swim through a pit of vipers
2. Watch every Pauly Shore movie in a row
3. Cook us twelve gormet dishes using nothing but Spam
4. Beat up Forrest Gump
5. Get her own baseball trading card

And that was just day one!  But we are glad to have her on staff.  Reviews
in the past couple of weeks have included: Tombstone, Noises Off, Cabin
Boy, Clerks, Evil Dead 2, The Langoliers, Labyrinth, She's All That,
Beautiful Girls, and Clue.

A lot of people have been asking what our office looks like.  Where it is.
If we'll ever release their son/daughter/girlfriend/attorney from our
grasp.  Well, we can at least settle a few questions with a professionally
done wallpaper file which features the MRFH Staff Office blueprints.
Learn more and more about us!  Major in MRFH in college!  I need to get a
job!

Other features: more Tagline Challenge, the last few days of the MRFH
Motto Contest, updates to the FAQ, What Is This?, Mutant Bios, and the
MUTANT archive.

By the way, we now have a domain name that you can access MRFH with (in
addition to the www.geocities.com one).  It's: mrfj.cjb.net

A while ago I asked our staff to send me their top ten favorite horror
films.  Only Ted was conscious at the time (man, it was SOME party!), so
he sent me in his list and I have yet to post it.  Until now.

10. The Haunting-The original.  Scary without the SFX.
9.  The Blair Witch Project-An original idea done surprisingly well.
8.  The House on Haunted Hill-The Original.  If you could have any five
people with you in a Haunted House, who would YOU pick?
7.  Se7en-Gruesome.  Let's move on...
6.  Dawn of The Dead-Zombies in A SHOPPING MALL!  It doesn't get much
better than this!
5.  Psycho-The Original!  Scene with the stairs is quite possibly the
most surprising murder ever.
4.  Bad Taste-Hillarious, gruesome, and set in New Zealand!
3.  ALiEN-The original Haunted House in space.  H.R. Giger's monster is an
evil, evil Thing.
2.  The Dead Zone-Not really scary, but absorbing and and sympathetic.
No wonder of all Stephen King's books, this one is his favorite.
1.  Re-Animator-Jeffrey Combs kicks ass in this movie.  The Best
adaptation of a Lovecraft story ever.

Thanks Ted!  You're now our permanent designated driver!

Take care, my little children, and don't forget to spread the message of
MRFH to the world!*

best,
Justin

*what is the message?  Hell if we know.