the MUTANT vol 3 issue 7
2-11-2000
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This Week's Identify That Movie Quote:
"Is this a kissing book?"
(answer to last issue's quote: Leon, "The Professional")
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Hey lovebirds!

It's been a pretty bizarre week, here at the Mutant Reviewers From Hell.
With Valentine's Day coming up and all, romance is flinging its little
arrows around the office faster than a simile that I just can't think of
right now.  Kyle's got this obsession with Tomb Raider that we all just
can't understand... Andie's on a mission to date her college's hockey
team, the whole team... PoolMan is composing a new type of poem for his
girlfriend using kickboxing and French... Toni is on a mission to watch
every Meg Ryan romance film without puking... and yours truly?  Well,
let's just say marriage is never a distant possibility.

It gladdens my heart to say that our first official contest is over, and a
winner declaired.  David Sagehorn sent in the winning new motto for MRFH:
"Masters of the Cult Universe".  Congrats, Dave!  You'll be getting a copy
of Army of Darkness: Special Edition mailed to you courtesy of Amazon.com.
If you're interested in the results of the contest (including all sorts of
cheeky runner-ups), PoolMan's Picks has the lovin' that you crave.

But then, this month kicks off the 3rd Annual Mutant Awards.  "The Mutie"
is our special award for the recognition of cool, crazy, and nutty cult
films.  Already we've had nearly 40 votes for this month's category, "Best
Zombie Film".  Remember, you can only vote once per category, and the
winner will be announced at the end of each month.

It's still a good month or so before Clerks: The Cartoon debuts on ABC,
but I thought we'd set up a little review page for it anyway (and we even
did post a little ditty on the superbowl commercial).  So we eagerly look
forward to Clerks' return, and check in to MRFH for updates of this page
in the future.

Kyle did us a little favor by posting our second Mutant Viewing for
Beautiful Girls.  I finally couldn't keep it in, so I told the world the
10 Things I Hate About The Phantom Menace.  Other reviews include Scream
3, Mallrats, and Suicide Kings.

By far and large, the biggest category in the cult genre is horror.  Are
we mentally disturbed, for wanting to be scared?  To see innocent (and
not-so-innocent) teens get hacked to death by undead stalkers?  To even
root for the bad guys?  Hey, who's asking the questions here?  I am!  And
I say... let's go on to Justin's Ten Freakiest Horror Flicks:

1. In The Mouth Of Madness - Lovecraftian horror at its best!  Sam Neill
is a cynical insurance investigator who discovers a town that exists only
in a horror novel.  Imagry here that doesn't pull any punches.

2. Evil Dead 2: Dead By Dawn - Perhaps not the scariest horror film, but
by far and away the most fun.  Our anti-hero Ash combats the evils of a
haunted cabin, which include a visit from his dead girlfriend and a few
country hicks.

3. The Exorcist - I don't know why, but this movie still scares me.
Perhaps because it isn't your hack-n-slash fest; it's a look directly into
the heart of evil.  There's just something about a possessed kid who
swears more than any sailor you ever met.

4. The House On Haunted Hill - Stupid, stupid plot; but some scenes that
literally scared me out of my chair and will haunt my dreams for years to
come.

5. Alien - Is it horror?  Suspense?  It's a little dated, but still kept
me on the edge of my seat.

6. Hellraiser (the first three films, really) - Lots of blood, gore, and
super bad dudes.  Demons from hell coming to take our immortal souls...
we're not down with that!

7. Silence of the Lambs - One of the definitive works of serial killers.
Not too scary anymore, but still one of my favs.

8. Jaws - More funny than scary, but the opening sequence scarred me as a
child when I saw it.  I still hate the water because of it.

9. Nightmare on Elm Street - How do you fight a dream?  By staying awake,
of course... but you can't forever!  A well-balanced slasher flick where
the horror bad guy is actually a tad sympathetic.  The third and last in
this series are also worth watching.

10. Scream - The first, the best.  From the terrifying opening sequence,
through countless pop culture horror references, to the pretty sweet end,
this movie took the psycho stalker genre to whole new levels (which,
unfortunately, became copied beyond recognition).

Well, this has taken me way too long for some reason.  I'm off to watch
Friends and have an intensive therapy session with my bed.  Later, fellow
Mutants!

Head Mutant Justin