the MUTANT vol 4 issue 1
6-16-2000
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This Issue's Identify That Movie Quote:
"Okay, here's the plan..."

(answer to last issue's quote: Katie Holmes "Go")
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Wazzup fanboys and fangirls,

Okay, you may have noticed that we're now on Volume 4 of the MUTANT.  This
is nothing more than the result of my not being able to count.  I have a
*really* hard time doing this.  Going back through the MUTANT archives, I
noticed two Number 10 issues and two Number 11 issues.  For all I know, I
may be only 13 instead of 24 years old.  So, a new volume is born, and a
new contest to see how long it takes for me to skip from #3 to #7.

This month's topic revolves around my extreme distaste for a little-known
video store chain known as Blockbuster.  I hate Blockbuster.  Do you hate
Blockbuster?  Than you might like this article.  You see, in most cities
you have the choice between local video stores (with a somewhat limited
selection) and the Big Chains (notably Hollywood Video and Blockbuster).
Like Wal-Mart and other large retail chains, Blockbuster's massive budget
and resources has put the squeeze on the little guys as the big blue
ticket takes over every square inch of your neighborhood.

But that's really all beside the point.  There are two reasons why I am
avidly against Blockbuster; the first is a minor quibble, the second
major.  First off, Blockbuster is about the most ruthless collector of
late fees I've ever seen.  We all have late fees, it's practically
inevidable when there's a male in the house (somewhere, deep down inside,
is a strong belief that if we wait long enough, distasteful chores will
get done themselves).  My policy is, if I have too many late fees at any
one video store, I just stop going there.  Which is why I haven't visited
Hollywood Video for about five months now.  But Blockbuster requires you
to fork over your credit card number when you sign up, thus giving them
free reign to go on Alaska cruises and shopping sprees and whatever they
love to do.  The last time I went to Blockbuster, I returned two movies a
day late and had a late fee of about $7.50.  No big deal, right?  A couple
days after that, I started to receive blandly threatening letters in the
mail from Blockbuster telling me to come in and pay up.  Now if I'm not
mistaken, I thought the point of late fees was that you just couldn't rent
any more films until you pay the fee; not that they'll start tracking you
down that very day as if you skipped out of town on your mortgage.  I
promptly threw the letter away.  Another letter, another appointment with
Mr. Trash Can.  Then, I got a third letter, just two weeks after the late
fee started, telling me that they automatically billed my account for the
fee.  What the ****?!?  Then and there I started my self-imposed boycot of
Blockbuster, because this was the final straw in their Control Freak
Mentality that dominates the chain.

Bringing me to my second point of contention: Censorship.  To really go
into this, I have to back up a few decades and quickly recount the story
of MPAA (Motion Picture Association of America) Ratings.  Back in 1968,
Jack Valenti and crew came up with a concept of developing ratings for
films based on language, sex, violence, and other content, and politely
asking the film industry to voluntarily submit their films for these
ratings before the movies were released.  I say "politely" in jest, since
it really was a twisted-arm-behind-the-back affair: if a movie didn't have
a MPAA rating affixed to it, most theaters would refuse to show it.  So
while they say it's voluntary, it's as necessary as can be.  The MPAA
board came up with four original ratings: G, PG, R, and X.  The board
would then view the films in privacy, give the film a rating due to its
content, and hand it back to the studios (which could either accept the
rating or re-edit the film and re-submit it for another rating).  All this
is noble in principle - I have no problem with parents knowing the content
level of a film that their child is going to see - but in practice the
noble concept became downright oppressive (sort of like Communism).

You have to understand that there are no strict guidelines to govern the
MPAA board and their ratings decision process.  They have some vague
criteria, but for the most part it's what just a few people decide based
upon their feelings and morality (thus, we loose the objective principle
of giving a film a rating).  Controversy on these ratings resulted in
adding a PG-13 rating in 1983 (Red Dawn was the first film to receive this
rating, movie trivia buffs note), and the NC-17 rating was enacted in 1990
to replace the X (which denoted films that were not pornographic -- that
was XXX -- but still bore the stigma of a pseudo-pornographic rating).  Up
to this point, I'm all fine and dandy with the ratings system.  It doesn't
bother me nor affects what films I do and don't see (and when I have kids,
rest assured that I will know what's in a film beforehand instead of
solely abiding by the ratings system).  But now we descend into the land
of censorship.

NC-17 is another great concept: a film rating that ensures kids ages 17 or
under cannot see the movie.  Somewhat responsible and safe for the parents
to be reassured by.  However, as proved by a handful of NC-17 releases in
the early 90s (Showgirls being the most notorious of these), few theaters
would assent to show NC-17 films, and the attendence for such films was
pretty darn low.  So much for NC-17 escaping the X stigma.

So filmmakers are caught in a Catch-22 of sorts.  They can't release a
film without a MPAA rating, otherwise it won't be shown in theaters.  They
dare not get a NC-17 rating, since most theaters don't show those films.
And (here's where we return to our favorite video chain), Blockbuster
refuses to stock NC-17 and "unrated" films.  Remember, these *aren't*
pornographic; they're just rated to maintain a strictly adult audience.
Due to the double pinch between theaters and Blockbuster, the MPAA has a
tyrannical hold over films being released.  The ironic part of the MPAA is
that while they have no qualms sticking major violent content into PG and
PG-13 films, sex and language will always propel a film into the R and
beyond ratings.  Double standard, you say?  Absolutely.  Stanley Kubrick's
"Eyes Wide Shut" was forced by the MPAA to edit a sexual scene to block
out 65 seconds of action.  "Clerks" and "South Park" both had to re-edit
and re-submit their films in order to avoid getting an NC-17 due to
language (although, in a funny side note, Clerks did not change a single
thing when they resubmitted it, thus proving that the MPAA rates more on a
whim than on strict guidelines).  "American Pie" had to alter the famous
pie scene -- even though there was nothing more than male buttocks and
suggestive motion implied -- in order to avoid the deadly NC-17.

Many filmmakers will re-issue their movies in the video and DVD market as
"Director's Cuts" and "unrated" versions to restore their original vision
for the movie.  But since Blockbuster won't stock anything over R-rated
films (and even then, some R-rated movies are denied shelf space), studios
have a lot to lose from not complying to Blockbuster's "edit your film or
else" tactics.  And just in case you think this policy has nothing to do
with the cult film audience, Blockbuster also refuses to stock the unrated
(and original theatrical release) of Dead Alive.

Like most areas of censorship, I am firmly against other people,
organizations, or the government telling me (or altering) what I can and
cannot watch, read, or look at.  If I don't like what's in a film, I'll
just not go (and if you're saying, "Well, you don't know what's really in
a film before you go see it", then you obviously haven't been introduced
to the five billion or so movie critics that do this job efficiently).  If
I have kids, I will take the responsibility on myself to monitor what
they're exposed to; a board of strangers vaguely defining what is and is
not okay for my kids to see is a slightly frightening concept.

The MPAA ratings are outdated and only restrict filmmakers in their
vision.  Blockbuster only adds to this "voluntary" censorship, and I just
can't support that.  Hey, I just want to be able to go to a video store
and have a full selection in front of me, not a truncated version of
Blockbuster's idea of morality.  

Anyway, sorry to be so preachy, I thought I'd just ramble on about that
today.  Hope you're all having fun, not too upset about the Mutant
Reviewers from Canada (repeat after me: IT WAS JUST A JOKE!), and enjoying
all the summer blockbusters.

your empassioned head mutant,
justin