the MUTANT vol 4 issue 5
1-5-2001
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This Issue's Identify That Movie Quote: "Tell me you mailed the Beth tape
to Tiffany?  YES!"
(answer to last issue's quote: mother, "Detroit Rock City")
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Hey Murphers!

According to records, the last MUTANT that went out to the public was in
the vicinity of September of last year.  Whoops!  See what massive doses
of NyQuil and body slams from PoolMan will get you?  Well, it's all good,
unless it's all bad, and here's a little something to tide you over.

I know you've all seen the headlines from USA Today:

"Mutant Reviewers From Hell in their Fifth Year!"

"MRFH Celebrates 5 Years of Drunken Polka Dancing"

"What is a Murph? ask scientists"

"Come Get Kyle, You Left Him At Our Office Party, Please!"

So.  Five big years.  What a span of time to bridge a largely unknown
movie reviewing site to being a largely unknown movie reviewing site with
the reputation of having honked off Ed McMahon.  No, it's not like we
invented anything new, like the Republic or Harry Potter, but we certainly
hold the record for more office slap-fights than any other office building
in the world (and I include those sleazy frumps over at Home and Garden).
What will this new year hold?

I don't know.  I'm not a bloody psychic.

But I propose a SPONTANEOUS MUTANT REVIEWERS FROM HELL CHALLENGE FOR AN
ACTUAL PRIZE!  If you can do the most unique (and legal) thing to get MRFH
noticed by a majority of the country, and can prove it, we will buy you a
VHS or DVD movie of your choice.  And I'm talking about "Getting us
mentioned in MAXIM magazine" big or "George Lucas putting the initials
'MRFH' in the background of Episode 2" big.  Have fun!  Do your best!
Don't get us arrested!

I don't watch a lot of TV, excluding the History Channel (aka "The World
War 2 and some other stuff Channel").  There's a serious lack of good
programming on today, even with cable and the Oxygen network.  I've
noticed that I have a tendancy to "discover" great series in the middle of
their run, or more likely, ten years after they've been on the air and
cancelled.  For instance, recently Comedy Central started showing reruns
of Sports Night, that highly touted show that no one watched.  Did you
watch it?  You're lying.  Nobody watched it.  But now that it's cancelled,
I'm deeply in love with the series, and after two episodes I'm already
depressed it was cancelled.

And don't get me started on Twin Peaks.  Seven years after its 2-year run,
my friends and I get addicted to this show, hurt beyond belief that it was
cancelled without a resolution to the season two cliffhanger.  Is it cool
to be retro, particularly if it's your first time in that territory?  Why
not?

I caught all of the M*A*S*H episodes on rerun on the FX channel.  Did you
know Henry dies?  Threw me for a loop.  Then I had the unfortunate
experience of getting hooked on Buffy this past summer, despite my eternal
protests that I would never ever ever ever watch the show.  And of course
I do, and become slightly put out that I've missed four straight seasons.
Why doesn't someone inform me about these shows?  Who is in charge of that?

Of course, I am extremely proud that I caught all two Clerks cartoon
episodes when they aired this summer.  People are still gathering around
the water cooler to talk about that!

This whole rant has no real point.  I think it's marvelous to have the
opportunity to catch up on great series through reruns, though there is
that lingering feeling of regret that I was never there for the original
run.  There would have been something special about getting to watch the
13 "Ferris Bueller" episodes in their original run.

Yes, that was an actual show.

off to see what actual sunlight looks like,

Head Mutant Justin