the M U T A N T #9
          the official newletter of the Mutant Reviewers From Hell
                    ===================================

Hey everyone!  Sorry it's been so long since any updates, but I just 
finished moving (ah, the college life) and so that's been fun.  Hope 
you're having a good summer and corrupting as many people to the Mutant 
lifestyle as possible!

*** NEW REVIEWS

Justin: The Blues Brothers, The Adventures Of Ford Fairlane, The Doom 
Generation
Mark: Sleep With Me, PCU
Joe: Chasing Amy
Andie: Scream

*** OUR PATENTED FEATURE ARTICLE

"The Sexes Vs. The Movie Stars"
by justin

I've noticed that there are not-so-hidden battle lines when it comes to 
hating certain movie stars among the sexes.  There are some actors (both 
male and female) that us guys will love and girls will shake their head 
thinking "I'd rather be experiencing perminant PMS than to see Jim 
Carrey in another movie".  There will be the opposite; explain the wide 
appeal of Brad Pitt to women and his utter hatred by men.  Now, I 
realize that these dislikes aren't absolute, but in my experience there 
have been a few actors/actresses that appeal to strictly one sex (are 
are avidly hated by the other).  So I will attempt to explain.

ACTORS/ACTRESSES GUYS LIKE AND GIRLS HATE

Jim Carrey: Beneath it all, we guys partially exist in the junior high 
world.  We *like* butt jokes and craziness and endless farts.  Jim 
Carrey panders to our secret existance.  Girls just find him loud and 
obnoxious, reminding them of guys in junior high that they would rather 
tinkle on than date.

Bruce Campbell: He's a man's man.  More manly than Tim Allen.  Bruce 
projects manliness in visible waves, which appeal to the small part of 
guys that still survives, even after the horrible "sensitization" of the 
nineties.  When he patches up his ampuated wrist with Duct Tape, we guys 
are shaking our heads going, "Yup. That's a man!"  Women think he's cute 
but could use to be domesticated.

Pamela Lee Anderson: Guys - Big Boobs.  Girls - Bigger Boobs Than 
Theirs.

ACTORS/ACTRESSES WOMEN LIKE THAT MEN HATE

Brad Pitt: Women swoon over this half-shaven man-beast, loving his suave 
sexiness and sheer animal magnitism.  Guys just hate that.  We think 
he's arrogant and a pris.

Leonardo DiCaprio: Women like him because they are pedophiles.  Men hate 
him because we can't understand why women would go for a guy who looks 
like he recently graduated the ninth grade and has yet to experience 
puberty.

Richard Gere: I know no man that likes Gere.  I have yet to hear a guy 
say, "Oh, hey, we got to go see that movie 'cause Richard is in it!".  
He's smarmy and easy to loathe, because you can see in his head he 
thinks "I'm so sexy and every woman wants me."  That may be true, but he 
deserves a painful death.

I really could go on and on and on, but I have to stop here (and get 
back to my real work).  But if anyone wants to throw in their two cents 
on this topic, e-mail me (bigbanana@hotmail.com) and maybe we'll throw 
in a Part II into the next issue of the MUTANT.