Justin's Rating: I'll put a cap in your asteriod, g-dawg-homie-sup-man
Justin's Review: Let me go on record by saying that the only reason I ever admit to watching Friends is for Matthew Perry. He's sarcastic and funny and makes a case for an actual human being, a likable candidate for a Mutant Reviewer if I ever saw one. Other than him, my mostly good soul strongly desires to see the other characters, particularly whiny snobby self-pitying brat Rachel, strung up with piano wire and used for Marine basic target practice.

When I rented The Whole Nine Yards, I wasn't expecting anything more than a dark comedy lacking in laughs and full of pratfalls. I've never been a fan of mob movies, particularly the comedies in which half of the cast ends up dead. They tend to be more violent than humorous, and I just don't get the fascination for the mafia lifestyle that mainstream America has aquired. AND you always know basically what's going to happen, AND there's always a finger-chopping scene, AND I just like typing in all caps. Yet, in spite of my prejudice, The Whole 9 Yerds had me laughing in unexpected places (my bedroom closet). Bruce Willis and Matthew Perry have a lot to do with it - both excelling in the field of comedy - but they are also flanked by a terrific supporting cast.

Essentially, this film centers around the conflict imposed by Americans brushing up against the Canadian lifestyle. Jimmy "The Tulip" (Willis) is a Chicago mob hitman on the run from his own, which lands him in Montreal. He ends up next door to Oz (Perry), an American dentist married to the most unholy French-Canadian shrew ever unleashed upon man named Sophie (Rosanna Arquette, giving such an over-the-top snooty performance that she got me to snicker quite often). It becomes obvious that Sophie sees herself as a manipulator (her attempts at seducing a policeman were both funny and pitiful), but she's way out of her league with everyone else.

Fast to become friends, Jimmy and Oz are soon plunged into tense conflict when crosses, double-crosses, and more hit contracts than you can shake a stick at are dumped on peaceful ol' Canada. In one of the film's best jokes, Oz orders a burger specifically "without mayonnaise", and is shunned for his efforts. I'm sure there are tons of Canadian in-jokes that I didn't get, but I did get more than my fair share due to my long correspondance with PoolMan.

Oz also gets the unfortunate role of being the "in-between" guy. You know, the straight-laced person who has everything bad happen to him, and he is mostly powerless to stop it. All sides play tug of war with his body, and though he complains and acts shocked a lot, Oz also has depths of intellect that surprises both the characters and We the Audience. I was proud that Perry could pull off such a role without seeming pitiful, and he never gets too moody that he ceases his quips and habit of running into things. As his counterpart, Jimmy plays the hitman with the heart of at least silver. He's an affable kind of guy, at least until he kills you, and his morals are strong if questionable (he kills for a living, cheats on his wife, but believes in the sanctity of marriage). Willis takes what could have been a one-note character and made him wonderfully ambiguous. Is Jimmy good on the outside, and bad within... or vice versa? As with nearly every character except for Oz, Jimmy's loyalties are secret until the end.

While shrill Sophie gets my most favorite secondary character, we must pay homage to Amanda Peet, who absolutely shines as Jill St. Claire. She's Oz's receptionist, but isn't quite who she seems. She's the exact opposite of Oz: the twists and turns of the hitman's world don't faze her a bit. In fact, she shows a cheeky earnestness that won me over in a big hurry. I guess I'm just more attracted to women who are very exuberant and expressive. Jill also has the unnecessary topless scene, which is just... odd. It reminded me of that scene in Leprechaun 4, where the princess drops her top for some stupid reason, but it's really just there because the filmmakers couldn't think of an actual reason to have it. I assume they wanted it so that boys would rave that this was the "GREATEST movie EVER!" All I can say is that if you gotta go, go with a smile.

The Whole Nine Yards is not flashy, not anything new, not even mostly in America. It's just goodness wrapped in a movie and given to us with a flower and a kiss. A kiss of death, muhahahaha!

PoolMan's Rating: Is this a bad time to admit I like mayonnaise on my fries?
PoolMan's Review: "Ho ho ho! Look at me! I'm Justin! I bet if this movie's set in Canada, Sean will love it, and get all the jokes!" Sheesh. (although he is right)

Ah, I'm just kidding, Big J (ladies, there's a reason everyone calls him that!). I'm honestly so glad Justin brought TWNY to my attention, because it rocked. Yet again, another movie that, if not for the Supreme MRFHer, I never would have seen. Seriously, how do people even breathe without us?

As the years go by and Bruce Willis is used less and less for action movies and more and more for different, sometimes funny, roles, I grow increasingly more impressed by him. The boy's got serious comedic chops, as does everyone else in this flick. Matthew Perry as the terminally nervous dentist must have been the writer's choice for the role of Oz the whole time, because I can't picture anyone else short of Dick Van Dyke playing such a quirky guy (or maybe French Stewart?). Amanda Peet is really funny here too, although I'm baffled as to why Kevin Pollak was included as Janni. Whoever heard of this guy's accent before?

Moving right along, I'm not doing a good job of conveying just how hard this movie made me laugh. I was sick at home when I watched it, so every time I started laughing, I started coughing really hard, and had to rewind constantly to go back and see what I missed, which made me laugh again, etc. This is a tremendously good thing. When a movie lightens your spirit to the point of making you forget your second bedridden illness in a month, you know you've got a keeper.

I see you hesitating. You were waiting for PoolMan's vote, weren't you? That's sweet of you. You can go rent it now. Have a nice day!

DnaError's Rating: It's a canadian thing.
DnaError's Review: I don't hate this movie. Thats a plus. But I don't like it. Sure, it has some funny parts, alots of wacky goings-on and kooky Canadian one-liners and zings. But it can't seem to justify it's own existance. It's not the performances, they're all fine and for once Amanda Peat isn't in a movie that makes me want to vomit in terror. The plot seems nice and werid enough but...it's just not working.. I'm reminded of Mystery men, all the right stuff is there, but it's just *off* some how. Maybe it's me, I'm just too American to get hip to the wacky north of the border vibes, and I assoicate Matthew Perry with that odious tv-trash which is "Freinds" too much, but...still. I recomend watching it like I did, on HBO while doing menial tasks.

The Scoop 2000 Rated R Mob Action/Comedy Director Jonathan Lynn Starring Bruce Willis Matthew Perry Michael Clarke Duncan Amanda Peet

Didja Notice?
While mowing his lawn, Oz wears a t-shirt with the logo of the Ottawa Senators. Matthew Perry grew up in Ottawa, Ontario.
The three kids who run between Jimmy and Oz when they are standing next to the flower cart are Bruce Willis's three daughters, Tallulah, Scout, and Rumer.
When Bruce Willis and Matthew Perry first go for a car ride, Willis asks him "Are you always this nervous?" This is the same question Neve Campbell asks him the first time he goes to her apartement in Three to Tango. Both times the response is "yes."
When Oz is having lunch on the sidewalk cafe, his Pepsi keeps turning so that the logo is always facing the camera. Many other objects on the table move around, particularly when comparing the views from opposite sides.
None of the people who were shot had blood on them.
Montréal is serviced by two airports: Dorval (domestic, North American and international flights) and Mirabel (cargo and charters). Characters supposedly landed in Dorval from Chicago (North American flight) but actually the scenes were shot at Mirabel as the yellow signs all around the airport can attest.
After performing dental work on the corpse, Oz examines the two x-rays, and says, "we're OK" (or similar). However, the two x-rays DO NOT match. One of the x-rays shows two extra teeth on the upper jaw, which would mean that the dental records would NOT match those of Jimmy the Tulip.
Real men use duct tape on their corpses!
Out of the whole cast, a movie set in Quebec has only two french-accented people?
The characters who are supposed to be Quebecois speak with Parisian (France) accents, not Quebec accents. Bad ones, too.

The Movie Store!
The Whole Nine Yards: Movie [VHS]
The Whole Nine Yards: Movie [DVD]
The Whole Nine Yards: Soundtrack [CD]

Intermission!
When Volkswagen was approached about a product placement in the movie for its new Beetle, they said they would only pay if a male character drove the car, because there are already plenty of women who want to drive the new VW Beetles. However, it was decided that it was such a perfect car for Sophie to drive that they would use it anyway, even though Volkswagen didn't pay them.

Official and Not-So-Official Websites
The Whole Nine Yards - Official Site

Groovy Quotes

Oz: He's upset. I've managed to upset a mass murderer.

Jimmy: It doesn't matter how many people I've killed. What matters is how I get along with the people who are still alive.

Frankie Figs: You know, I can't think of nothing finer than a fine naked woman holding a gun.

Jimmy: The meat's fine, the lettuce is fine, but if you bring me another hamburger with mayonnaise on it, I'll cut off your legs, set fire to your house and then watch you try to crawl out of your burning house with bloody stumps.

Jill: [upon hearing that Oz had sex with Jimmy's wife] You stud you!
Frankie: Gonna be a dead stud.

Jimmy: I take it you're not Canadian.
Oz: Only by marriage.

If you liked this movie, try these:
Canadian Bacon
The Big Hit
Hudson Hawk

DVD Review
Nothing extra-special about this disc, but it does provide both fullscreen and widescreen viewings, plus a director commentary, theatrical trailer, and cast interviews.

Soundtrack Review
The only note I'd like to make about the soundtrack is that transition scene music is BLARINGLY loud, compared to the speaking track. Only a minor annoyance, but I thought I'd make it.