I've always been fascinated with the opening credits of movies. It's a perfect opportunity for the filmmakers to set the appropriate mood, and to do something creative with the relatively boring task of listing a huge bunch of names. It's a shame, though, that so many movies squander this chance, and instead either make the audience wait out a bunch of title cards on a black background, or try to hide the credits in the opening minutes of the first scene.

I thought, using the mighty power of my brain on decaff coffee (don't ask, I'm being responsible and I hate it), that it would be just ducky to share some of my favorite credit sequences with you. Of course, this task is fraught with peril, peril most perilous, because there's simply no way I can recall all of the great title sequences I've seen over the years. No WAY. Thus, just go into this list forewarned that I might miss the "biggies" in your view, but we'll give you a chance at the very end-part of this article to remedy that, okay?

Also, get some non-bunching panties. They're great when your geek senses go on high alert.

And NOW, for our feature presentation... an article by Justin... in association with Caesar Enterprises... and Dunkin Donuts Coffee...

The Man Who Knew Too Little read the review
This isn’t mindblowing, by anyone’s standards (even my very low, eating-dog-biscuits-because-the-kitchen-is-empty standards), but the opening credits here offer two highlights. First, there’s a small clever animation with a pair of stick figure legs doing funky little things to the text. And second, the whole credits play over a scene in itself — a shadowy, intriguing scene of a faceless man making a bomb and putting it in a Russian doll. It doesn’t make sense until later, but the fact that this sequence is a bit of a backstory gives added oomph to the start of the flick.

Se7en read the review
Strange, disturbing images are played over the strains of NIN’s "Closer", and only later do we realize we’re witnessing the killer prepare for his spree. It’s harsh and depressing, but appropriate. David Finch also did a nice opening title to Fight Club (as the camera zips along inside the Narrator’s head, finally going down his nose to a gun barrel).

What About Bob?
Okay, it’s just a goldfish, swimming around. Nothing else. But hey, fish are so watchable! And the slight weirdness factor of it keeps this sequence fresh in my mind.

Naked Gun trilogy read the review
Three words: police car hood. In one of the most unusual way to wander through a credits sequence, the Naked Gun films bolted a camera to the top of a police car (right behind the flashing light) and followed the car as it went to highly unbelievable locales, such as a woman’s shower, a pinball machine, Jurassic Park, and (my favorite) the trench of the Death Star in Star Wars.

Tank Girl / Mallrats read the review
Out of all of the movies that use comic book images and covers, these two use them to the best effect. Tank Girl gets the energy and mood going quickly with panels from the cult comic, while Mallrats shows off fake comic book covers starring each of the main characters (and villains).

The Great Muppet Caper read the review
Credits are usually boring, especially back when studios felt like they had to show EVERYTHING before the movie started. Thus, it’s a relief to see Fozzy, Kermit and Gonzo, on a hot air balloon ride, talking about the credits as they flicker by. Funny, too. "Kermit, do you think anyone’s still reading these names?"

Better Off Dead read the review
What can I say, I’m a major sucker for animated opening credits for non-animated movies! Better Off Dead hosts the animated doodles of the soon-to-be-met Lane (John Cusack), as a princess gets kidnapped by a dragon and a knight charges off to her rescue. It’s not extremely hilarious, but it’s entertaining enough to pass the couple minutes until all the (animated) credits are out of the way.

Catch Me If You Can read the review
I think people raved more about the opening credits than the entire movie, when it first came out. This isn’t without just cause; the credits are a very stylized retro-50’s animation, with John Williams scoring a subtle (yet catchy) xylophone track underneath it. In fact, this credits sequence was well-known enough to receive one of the highest honors of pop culture today: a parody on a Simpsons episode in the 15th season.

Shrek read the review
Well, like or hate the use of Smashmouth’s "All Star" all you like, but there’s no denying that even the opening bits of this film were highly creative, using Shrek’s morning hygiene activities to spell out the cast and crew’s names with maggots, mud, and ear wax. Yum!

James Bond
Honestly, while the Bond series are renowned for their lavish and music video-oriented opening credits, none have really stuck with me as "Wow!" over the years. Still, it’s always a bit cool to see the gun barrel thing, but you’d think that guy would learn to shoot James Bond instead of waving that thing around, waiting to be shot time and again.

Willard / The House On Haunted Hill (remake) read the review
Both of these movies used strange stop-motion animation for the title sequences, which had the intended effect of making the viewers slightly unsettled before the action even began. To a much smaller extent, the movie Babe also used limited stop motion animation as the camera panned around a room full of pig knick-nacks (some of which moved and were just as creepy as the other two films mentioned).

Dead Man On Campus read the review
Another perennial favorite of mine, as it ties in the college theme and the suicide theme by cleverly using fake SAT questions and diagrams to demonstrate suicide techniques, all while putting the cast and crew credits in the answers. Spiffy!

Austin Powers 1 & 2 read the review
The sheer outrageousness of these credit sequences, which had Mike Myers and various extras dancing (and swimming) around to 60’s tunes, merits a mention here. I think the first film had the edge, with the homage to A Hard Day’s Night, and the kicking theme.

Napoleon Dynamite
C’mon… it’s an ENTIRE credit list that uses FOOD dishes, among other things. It’s very low-tech and kind of crude, but you can’t say it isn’t memorable. Plus, added points that every food dish used in the opening credits is eaten by characters at some point in the film.

Can’t Hardly Wait read the review
Just an example of a lot of high energy pumped into a few minutes, with music, various snippets of graduation dialogue, and… well, feet for some reason. Lots of feet. But you gotta admit, it’s an interesting way to open a movie!

Monty Python and the Holy Grail read the review
Aha! Thought I was about to leave this one out of the mix, did you? How could I, it’d be practically criminal! Out of many, many interesting ways to start a movie, Holy Grail set an incredibly high bar for credit sequences that had its audiences howling before the action even began. Using nothing more than text and appropriate music, we the viewers witnessed Credits In Anarchy, as the orderliness of it all degenerated into subtitles about a moose biting a sister, llamas, people being sacked left and right, and very happy Mexican music. Hey, even Richard Nixon makes a cameo! If you’d like to read the entire text (and subtitles) of this sequence, go here.

A-HA! I knew you wouldn't be able to get to the end of this article without starting to furrow your brow in mild constipation, upset that I left off a "Must Have" title sequence from this list! But that is fine, we shall make amends to soothe your wounded spirit. Send in your favorite opening credit sequence (with description) to bigbanana@hotmail.com, subject line OPENING CREDITS, and we might use your suggestion for our next Community Sound-Off article!