Mutant Reviewers from Hell do
"Visits? That would indicate visitors."

1959 NR / Horror Comedy Directed by: Edward D. Wood Jr. Starring: Duke Moore, Tor Johnson, Bela Lugosi

Tagline

Unspeakable Horrors From Outer Space Paralyze The Living And Resurrect The Dead!

Summary Capsule

One of the most enthusiastically bad movies of all time is ripe for you to pluck.

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Amazon.com: DVD | Amazon.com: Soundtrack

Justin's Rating: You just know there's a special room in the afterlife for directors such as Ed Wood and Uwe Boll
Justin's Review: So, we come to it at last. Possibly the most famous — and infamous — cult B-movie of all time, the Michael Jackson "Bad" to Weird Al Yankovic's "Even Worse", the progeny of bad movie making. Ed Wood's masterpiece, Plan 9 From Outer Space.

"If you look at it a certain way, knowing the passionate spirit of director Ed Wood in making this clunker, it's even an uplifting tribute to a guy who really couldn't make movies, but he didn't let that stop him. I salute that."

Many people gleefully slap this movie with the title of "Worst Ever Made", although that's a misnomer. It's hilariously awful in the acting, the special effects, the plot pacing, and the general story, to be sure, but it doesn't cross the boundaries of other "worsts", such as offensive, crude, hateful or depressing. If you look at it a certain way, knowing the passionate spirit of director Ed Wood in making this clunker, it's even an uplifting tribute to a guy who really couldn't make movies, but he didn't let that stop him. I salute that.

If you're interested in seeing Tim Burton's vision of Ed Wood and how Plan 9 was made, check out the aptly titled Ed Wood — it's kooky! But if you're not prepared to go to such lengths to please an internet review such as me, then let's just say that this scifi "classic" was bankrolled by a Baptist church (who actually baptized all of the cast members), was originally titled Graverobbers From Outer Space, and resurrected Bela Lugosi (the original Dracula) from the dead. Sort of.

You see, Lugosi died before Plan 9 was finished, but Ed Wood wanted him in the film so much that he took some older footage of Lugosi as an old man, killed his character off screen, and then "revived" him as a zombie-vampire. The replacement actor, who really looked nothing like Lugosi, was forced to hold his cape in front of his face for each and every scene thereafter. No wonder why all of the cast screamed.

Plan 9 concerns itself with some "advanced" aliens — who are BIG into decorating their space stations with curtains — who are trying to warn off earth from the eventual development of solaranite, which could be made into a bomb that could destroy the universe. Unfortunately, earth-people refuse to communicate with the aliens, so the aliens eventually resort to "Plan 9", the resurrection of the dead, to get our attention. In a way, that all sounds kinda cool.

Where the story goes off the deep end is that nobody, alien or earthian, has a single whit of brain in their skulls. I'm particularly fond of the alien captain, who is a blatant misogynist ("Women are for advancing the race," he says) and acts in a smug, happy manner compared to the rest of the cast's morbid expressions (make sure to catch when he flips out and starts screaming at the humans who are "STUPID! STUPID!"). There's a load of talking scenes where things are repeated over and over (in one, a husband tells his wife to lock the door when he leaves, and they ping pong that chestnut for about five minutes) to stretch out the running time. Speaking of which, I hope you're a fan of people sort of just walking slowly through ten-foot sets and staring and generally doing nothing, because there's a heap-load of that here as well.

There's so much to deride about this turkey, it scarcely seems possible to pick a starting point. The alien saucers (which are described as "cigar shaped" but look clearly like discs) flip through the air all wobbly, attached to wires. Sets are small, minimal and tacky. Our three zombies — the aforementioned Lugosi imposter, giant lug of a man Tor Johnson, and Vampira — kind of lurch about and do very little (and require an "electro" gun to control, sometimes). And the narrator can't seem to make up his mind whether the film's events happened already, or will happen in the future.

Many people asked Mystery Science Theater 3000 why they never used this stinker in their show, and their response was something to the effect of, "Plan 9 doesn't need people to make fun of it. It makes fun of itself." This is true. Plan 9 is so ridiculous and overreaches its abilities that it implodes, leaving us to revel in the destruction. For any film buff who doesn't sleep with a copy of Citizen Kane under their pillow at night, this movie must be experienced at least once in your lifetime.

Ms. Grundy, art teacher, and Mr. Green, physical education Aww. Shy vampire. And this is pretty much how every date I had between 1989 and 2003 ended.

Didja Notice? [some sources: IMDb]

• The aliens obligingly fly by the ABC, CBS and NBC buildings in Los Angeles.
• The scar worn by actor Tor Johnson had to be moved every day, as it caused severe skin irritation.
• Criswell's opening narration begins: "Greetings, my friends. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember, my friends, future events such as these will affect you in the future." A moment later, though, he is placing the same events in the past, telling how "what happened on that fateful day" must no longer be kept secret.
• The grass wrinkles and the gravestones flap in the wind and topple over.
• Day changes to night and back and forth in the same scene, many times.
• When the saucer flies across the cemetery in the beginning of the movie, actors knock over headstones as they fall.
• When Jeff complains to his wife, Paula (Mona McKinnon), about having to hush up his UFO sighting, he calls her "Mona".

Is It Worth Staying Through End Credits?

No sir.

Intermission! [some sources: IMDb]

Funded by a Baptist church, several members of the cast let themselves be baptized. However, since Tor Johnson, a professional wrestler, was such a huge man (well over 300 pounds) he couldn't fit into the church's baptismal. Thus the baptism was convened at a swimming pool.

One of the legends about the production of this film was that Edward D. Wood Jr. used everything from automobile hubcaps to pizza pans to pie tins and even paper plates as flying saucers. The truth is that he bought a number of children's plastic model kits of flying saucers for use as props.

According to Maila Nurmi, she would put on her Vampira makeup and costume at home and then take a bus to the Quality Studios soundstage where her scenes were filmed.

Contrary to popular belief, the detective that points his gun at himself several times was actually testing director Edward D. Wood Jr. to see if he would notice. Needless to say, Ed Wood didn't notice.

Bela Lugosi appears in footage shot just before his death, but with no script in mind. Edward D. Wood Jr. wrote the script to accommodate all the footage shot in a cemetery and outside Tor Johnson's house in the new production. Lugosi was doubled by Tom Mason, Wood's wife's chiropractor, who was significantly taller than Lugosi, and played the part with a cape covering his face. Bela Lugosi supplied his own costume. He wore one of the capes he used when portraying Dracula on stage.

Groovy Quotes

Jeff Trent: Modern women. They've been like that all down through the ages. Especially in a spot like this.

Paula Trent: ...A flying saucer? You mean the kind from up there?
Jeff Trent: Yeah, either that or its counterpart.

Air Force Captain: Visits? That would indicate visitors.

Colonel Tom Edwards: This is the most fantastic story I've ever heard.
Jeff Trent: And every word of it's true, too.
Colonel Tom Edwards: That's the fantastic part of it.

Criswell: My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts of grave robbers from outer space?

Gravedigger: You hear anything?
Gravedigger: Thought I did.
Gravedigger: Don't like hearing noises, especially when there ain't supposed to be any.
Gravedigger: Yeah, kinda spooky-like.
Gravedigger: Maybe we're getting old.
Gravedigger: Well, whatever it is, it's gone now.
Gravedigger: That's the best thing for us too, gone.
Gravedigger: Yeah, let's go.

Colonel Tom Edwards: Why is it so important that you want to contact the governments of our earth?
Eros: Because of death. Because all you of Earth are idiots.

Jeff Trent: I'm muzzled by army brass!

Eros: You see? You see? You're stupid minds! Stupid! Stupid!

Eros: In my land, women are for advancing the race, not for fighting man's battles.

The Ruler: Plan 9? Ah, yes. Plan 9 deals with the resurrection of the dead. Long distance electrodes shot into the pineal and pituitary gland of the recently dead.

Criswell: Perhaps, on your way home, someone will pass you in the dark, and you will never know it... for they will be from outer space.

Jeff Trent: You promise you'll lock the doors immediately?
Paula Trent: I promise. Besides, I'll be in bed before a half hour's gone... with your pillow beside me.
Jeff Trent: My pillow?
Paula Trent: Well, I have to have something to keep me company while you're away. Sometimes in the night, when it does get a little lonely, I reach over and touch it. Then it doesn't seem so lonely anymore.

DVD Review

The DVD release of the colorized version of the film features an audio commentary track by comedian Michael J. Nelson of "Mystery Science Theater 3000" fame. The producers of the series at one point actually screened the film for airing on the show, but found it to have too much dialog to fit the show's format.

If you liked this movie, try these:

• The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra
• Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie
• Ed Wood