Back by our own popular demand to talk about ourselves, here are the MRFH staff like you've never seen them before: covered in bees!

What do you think is the best Mutant review you have written?

Justin: That's a toughie... I honestly have no idea. I enjoy the ones where it's a truly bad film and I can just rip it up and down, but that's too obvious. I did have a lot of fun one night reviewing Clue by going off on a rant and never getting around to the movie.

Clare: I haven't written it yet... I think my review for Can't Hardly Wait is pretty funny though.

PoolMan: Run Lola Run. It's not my funniest, by any stretch, but it's got sensitivity, with just enough of that Ol' Mutant Charm. Probably my closest to doing a "real" review.

DnaError: Best? Very Best? I dunno...I've written some clunkers (mostly about movies I like...)..hmm, I really like my review of Super Mario Brother..cause it's so universally unliked and I think I did a good job putting in a good...cultish, light.

Andie: I think the best review I've done is for American Beauty because there was so much passion involved in it. I'm also sort of proud of my mutant viewing of Scream because I think it's really funny. And lastly, I'm proud of my rating for Toy Story because I think it is also very funny.

Kyle: I have to say a tie between my reviews for High Fidelity and Almost Famous. Both of these films were real fun experiences for me, so writing the reviews for them was a tremendous release. That sounds mushy and girly, but it’s true! On the other hand, my best recent review is my Josie and the Pussycats review, because it’s like I’m one of the lone positive voices for this movie. Go see all three of these movies!

Justin: Never! I refuse to admit any fallibility!

Clare: Not really. When in doubt, just write about something mildly related that's still fun to read.

PoolMan: Apparently Star Wars: A New Hope. I tried once, and Justin emailed my review back to me, with a note saying "Come on man, it's Star Wars!" [ed note: We have since admitted our error to treating PM so shoddily, and will accept any New Hope reviews in the future]

DnaError: UNreviewable? Hmmm, that would mean it's so good, that a review isn't needed. The Empire Strikes Back is that...there is just no question.

Andie: I think the Rocky Horror Picture Show is unreviewable IF you've never gone to a showing in the theater. If you just rent it and watch at home by yourself, it won't have nearly the same impact and your review will be inaccurate.

Kyle: I have yet to see Liquid Sky yet, but my friend e recommends it. However, from the plot he’s described for me I’m not sure what to make of it. Actually the Kevin Smith movies may be unreviewable for me because people keep telling me I have to see them, and I hate doing what people tell me to, so in protest I won’t watch them till I’m ready. Which may be never. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Justin: Everyone roll your eyes, but I'd say PCU. I always like movies where a crazy bunch of people come up with crazy plans that work, have a lot of fun, and make jokes out the wazoo. This was the kind of college experience I wish I had. And I did!

Clare: Charlie's Angels. They could stand a tubby, curly haired, ass-kicking addition to the group who drinks too much and likes to sleep late. Some days it just isn't all that to be beautiful, graceful and sexy every minute. I'd get the girls on my pattented Ben and Jerry's, tuna melt, Sam Adams health regime and spread my message of unconditional positive body image. All the ladies who kick ass and don't fit into anything smaller than a size 12, throw your hands up at me.

PoolMan: Hmmm... in the interest of continued breathing, I'll not say Wild Things. I'd probably go for a Star Wars flick, because let's face it, being a Jedi has got to kick all kinds of ass. Plus I've already got the robe!

DnaError: ooo! BAD QUESTION! UNFAIR! Cause there are so many universes I'd want to enter. Right off the top of my head, Star Wars (cause if you need an explanation, you need your head checked.) Star Trek: First Contact (I want to be able to say "Jeffie's Tubes" without being laughed at!) Fight Club (Marla would be a fun, scary date..) Labernyth (Be a great place to explore, talk to all the muppets, and try to injure Jennifer Connley) The Matrix (All that leather and I'm not around to gawk...plus, I need guns, lots of guns.:) )

Andie: Well, I have two that I would want to enter. Neither are movies, but they both have cult followings. Anyway, I would want to enter Twin Peaks and My So-Called Life. I would want to enter Twin Peaks because all the people on that show absolutely fascinate me. I think everyone is SO weird, but in a cool way. I would want to be a little rich snob friend of Audrey Horne. As for My So-Called Life, I would want to be in there because Angela Chase needs to get smacked around a little. I've always felt so bad for Brian Krakow and I would want to talk to him because I think he's really cute and since Angela won't give him the time of day, he can date me. And I would also like to go out partying with Rayanne and Ricky.

Kyle: Clearly I would love to participate in Josie and the Pussycats, for rather obvious reasons. Also, I was thinking of saying Star Wars or Raiders of the Lost Ark or something like that, but then I might have to do a lot of running or strenuous activity, and that sounds like a drag. But I think I would want to hang out in the world of Airplane!, where the ridiculous is commonplace, up is down, right is left, and when disaster strikes some women will completely shed their clothes. Plus I would make a really good pilot. No, seriously.

Justin: Story, hands-down. All the best movies have terrific storytelling talents, from Shawshank to Sixth Sense, and a good story gives a movie long shelf life. Special effects are a one-trick pony, particularly in today's computer-affluent world.

Clare: Actors first, story second. A good actor can make lemonade from lemons or at least make even a horrible movie worth sitting through A crappy actor can butcher Shakespeare if given enough wiggle room (I'm talking to YOU Ben Affleck). However, if a movie's got a really good fight sequence, most sins can be forgiven.

PoolMan: Never effects. All of the year 2000 showed us that. I'll go for actors... even a cliched script can find all kinds of life if it's got the faces that'll sweep you into the fantasy for a while.

DnaError: Complex question, I think the CORE of most great movies is the interplay between writing and direction, they have to work in sync. Great direction can overcome lousy writing (see..any pure eye candy flick) and great Writing and overcome poor direction (see, Kevin Smith movies) but they really need to work together in harm-on-y.

Andie: I think plot and actors are the most important part of a movie. If the plot isn't believable or exciting or doesn't keep you interested, then it doesn't matter how great everything else is. The same goes for actors. If they're bad, it can detract from everything else good that is happening in the movie.

Kyle: Plot above all other variables, I put actors at a relatively close second though. Most of my favorite movies have complex and unique plots that foster repeated viewings without getting sick of seeing the same thing over and over. That said, Fletch would be nothing without Chevy Chase, any of the Indiana Jones movies wouldn’t be as cool without Harrison Ford, and Alicia Silverstone was so perfect in Clueless I can’t imagine a better Cher. Effects . . . eh. I grew up in the 80’s, man, so I was quite content with the stuff they had on Knight Rider and A-Team. These newfangled ILM computer-made/enhanced nearly perfect special effects? There’s okay, but give me good dialogue, a clever plot twist and a big sack of greasy French fries and I’ll be happy!

Justin: At an antique store I found a Ghostbuster nerf pellet gun. It rests proudly on my windowsill at work.

Clare: I bought the singing, dancing gopher doll from Caddy Shack at Toys 'r' Us a little while ago. It's hilarious and holds us even after repeated viewings. I make sure anyone who's never been over before gets the full performance before they leave. It's always a crowd pleaser.

PoolMan: I was given a matched set of Bob and Doug McKenzie toys, complete with stage, donuts, and beer, for my birthday and Christmas last year. I know this isn't a "purchase", but I would have bought them anyways. Perfect Canadiana. Anyone new to the office (where I keep them) comes over and tells me their favourite Bob and Doug memory.

DnaError: Oh this is easy, a new computer with a DVD player. Finally, I can see "Mickey Blue Eyes" in full digital glory. Toy wise, I just found "The Metaluna Mutant" from THIS ISLAND EARTH, the movie in MST3K: the movie. It was $15, from the "Universal Classics" series....it now stands proud over me.

Andie: I recently purchased the DVD of the movie Drinking Games and I have to say that it is kick-ass! There are a ton of deleted scenes and you can watch a version of the movie where you pick a character and play a drinking game along with the movie. We played it one night and all pretty much got sloshed. It was fun.

Kyle: The day after I saw Josie and the Pussycats (which I’m mentioning a lot here, sorry about that) I went out and bought the Josie doll. I’m stand by that purchase to this day. Not only is it a fair representation of Rachael Leigh Cook, but it also represents an ideal girl: a self-confident “punk rock prom queen” music-loving girl with exquisite fashion sense. Oh, and she should surf and like to dance as well. Are there any girls like that out there? Oh, yes, and one day she will be mine. Woo hoo!

Justin: Adam Sandler, Billy Madison. Natalie Portman, The Phantom Menace. Amanda Peet, Whipped. Annoying, dull, despicable, in that order.

Clare: I'm still stinging over my boys in Very Bad Things. Jeremy Piven deserves better. That's all I have to say about that. Most poor performances can still be pretty entertaining, so I don't know that I really take off points for bad performances that are still engaging in some capacity. I hate Winona Ryder though, so just the sight of her makes my hands ball up into automatic fists...

PoolMan: Adam Sandler. Why is this man so rich? Cause he plays a better screaming retard than I do? Maybe I should practise more...

DnaError: Wynona Ryder. Started out as a great sour-chick, Tim Burton dark doll....then got in all these bargin bin crapodramas, I mean.."Autum in New York"?! "Lost Souls?!" Icky. Wrong.

Andie: I can't believe Angelina Jolie did Gone in 60 Seconds, that was horrible. But I wouldn't punch her cause she's too hot.

Kyle: I would punch Ben Affleck. I don’t know, I can’t think of a good performance he has given in a movie and I don’t think much of most of the movies he has been in. And everyone loves him! What’s that all about? I guess he’s okay, but with all this hype-induced gushing over him and his taking over as Jack Ryan and potentially as Fletch (!?!?!) I just want to pack up the tent and head into the most remote forest I can find. Let me know when the next batch of young stars is on the scene, please.

Justin: I sit at my computer and directly will my fingers to inspire the masses. My fingers have other plans, like scratching, so I have to painstakingly pound each review, letter by letter, with my big honking Italian nose.

Clare: I don't take notes during the movie. Takes away from my ability to absorb myself in it. I watch, then write, then revise, drink a beer, then write some more, revise, beer, more writing. Run the spell check, read it out loud, leave it, come back to it the next day, read it again. If it still holds up, I send it in. You think I'm kidding, but I'm really really not.

PoolMan: Depends on the flick. If it's just a low-brow, low-IQ comedy, I'll write it up after I'm done. Why burn brain juice? But if it's something more involved and thoughtful, I'll keep notes as I go. Then I'll call Justin and demand a pat on the head and a cookie. He delivers in a half hour or less, or you get to keep his underpants!

DnaError: The reviews just come to me....it sounds really artsy-fartsy but it's true. I'll see a movie, and something clever or funny or something will hit me, or the movie will just be so horrible (or good) that I feel the need to warm (tell) everyone. Just let it all out when I get home. If you try to force the reviews, you get staticy clunkers.

Andie: When I decide to review a movie, I sit down with a notepad while I watch it. I don't take copious notes, but I write down quotes that I like and little things I notice that I might want to include. When I did my mutant viewing of Scream, I sat down with a notepad and had to pause the movie every, like, 5 seconds to write stuff down, it took forever.

Kyle: I can’t make notes during the film; I have to have my full attention on the screen. Then afterwards, I will devote 40% of my brain power to dissecting the film and considering whether I truly liked it or not, and why, leaving the other 60% to handle eating, driving, and various bodily functions. If I can get a second viewing in that will truly cement my opinion, if not I like to reenact certain scenes with my vast Lego collection, following which I put on some Beatles music and write my review(s) with some trendy incense burning. My best reviews are written this way, if one of my reviews seems hurried or sub-par then chances are I was trying to fulfill my monthly review quota by writing quick reviews of favorite films during time-outs at Laker games on napkins and ticket stubs. Transcribing that stuff is a pain, I can tell you that much.

Justin: I sent a picture of me wearing a baseball cap to my friend Emily, and she went around telling everyone that she was friends with Silent Bob (Kevin Smith).

Clare: Nope. Never.

PoolMan: Actor, no. I was once mistaken for then-captain of the Vancouver Canucks Trevor Linden though (local hockey star). I was in a limo on my way to high school grad, stopped at a light, and a bunch of people in the next car thought I looked a lot like him... rather fun, actually. Didn't get a trophy wife, though.

DnaError: No, but I was once mistaken for a human being.

Andie: I can't say I've ever been publicly mistaken for an actor, but I have had people tell me before that I sort of resemble Kristy Swanson. On a side note, my friend Rachel's roommate Sarah at St. Olaf College in Northfield Minnesota looks A LOT like Julia Stiles, just with shorter hair. It's so unfair.

Kyle: Voice-wise, people always tell me I sound like Norm MacDonald, which pleases me to no end and gets me exactly 0 dates. One girl once told me I looked like George Clooney, but she was near-sighted and was viewing me from 500 yards away on a foggy day on the Santa Monica Pier without her glasses. Also, I had my lucky George Clooney mask on, so she probably got a false positive from that. A few people, including one male friend in an awkward beer-involving moment, have told me I resemble Pierce Brosnan, which never fails to fill me with a glow that then makes them remark that I also resemble a pregnant woman. I hate my friends.

Justin: I am very against ever leaving a movie theater for any reason, barring fire or Pauly Shore. I vividly remember having to pee badly when I first saw Dances With Wolves, and sat through two more hours until it finished so that I could go. But sometimes, when the theater is REALLY dark and you have the SUPER-sized cup... there are thoughts that roam the playground of my mind...

Clare: I'm a girl. I've got all sorts of crazy muscles I can utilize to hold on for ungodly lengths of time. If the movie's good enough, I don't even notice I'm doing it. If it sucks and I hate it, I'll get up and go to the bathroom just for the change of scenery.

PoolMan: I will suffer. Despite an embarassing memory of Cub Scouts way back when, I will brave it out. I have a bigger bladder now.

DnaError: Depends on the movie..(if I can tell it's going to get really dull, really fast, I sprint toward the restroom like a flying squirell on acid)..but usually i'll sit and suffer rather then miss anything, just masocistic that way.

Andie: I ALWAYS sit and suffer through however much is left. I absolutely hate getting up and missing a part of the movie, so it has to be life and death bladder situation for me to leave to go to the bathroom.

Kyle: I stay and risk bladder muscle damage and future infection in order to finish out the movie. If it’s low-level pangs emanating from my lower quadrant I combine a regiment of varying leg-crosses with random shifts in my seat to buy time. If the urinal is beckoning and my bladder feels throbbing and angry, I utilize the technique I learned from an episode of Men Behaving Badly, which is to firmly press the index finger into my right temple, somehow disrupting the flow of electrical impulses from bladder to brain and probably causing some sort of neurological damage that I won’t notice till my next job interview. Of course, if you ate all of your popcorn and have the giant empty canister at your disposal, you have one more option that will ease your pain but could upset and disgust your fellow moviegoer. Proceed with caution, fellow film buffs!