1900 Soldiers of the Cross, a Salvation Army promotion film believed to be the first feature movie in the world, is produced in Australia. As this has nothing to do with the United States, everyone promptly forgets about it.

1979 Mel Gibson (born in the U.S. but raised in Australia) begins the Aussie invasion as Mad Max, the road warrior. Our formal Australian education begins, as schoolchildren everywhere learn that the land "down under" is nothing more than a post-apocalyptic warzone where NASCAR racers drive around looking for gas.

1981 Gallipoli brings the History Channel to the screens, telling the sad yet funny tale of Australians fighting in World War I. Mel Gibson runs around a lot, which makes sense, considering that homes in Australia are 150 miles (980 kilometers) apart.

1986 Crocodile Dundee makes a successful sortie into the hearts and hearths of movie audiences everywhere. Aussies are henceforth seen as rugged folk that drink and wrestle with deadly animals; this is not far off from the truth. Small children are inspired to tame water buffalo with "devil's fingers". America weeps to discover that our knives aren't that big, after all.

1988 Crocodile Dundee II takes advantage of the Australian craze, as New Yorkers gladly share rent-controlled space with Dundee's dynamite. We further learn that all 18 people in Australia know each other. The trendy gift for Christmas this year is a pet alligator and an aborigine. Paul Hogan goes on to star in a lot of nonsensical SUV ads on TV, despite the fact that he rides a Koala bear in to work each day.

Hoping to jump on the Australian fame bandwagon, Yahoo Serious' first film Young Einstein is universally denounced for peeing on Albert Einstein's grave. Known forever after as "The Australian Carrot Top", Serious escapes pursuers to direct and star in two more films.

1990 Despite rumors of being dead, Tom Selleck goes aborigine hunting as Quigley Down Under. No one in the world remembers this movie.

1994 Australia falls to the Pink Conquest, as The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert brings homosexuality, transvestitism and ABBA to the Outback. Tourists are then found dead in the desert thereafter with bleeding ears, but are VERY well dressed.

Muriel's Wedding becomes one of the most popular Australian films (to Aussies). Again, it reinforces the general dread in the world that a large ABBA army is amassing in the Outback, preparing for a rebirth of bad 70s disco pop.

1995 Australians do Scottish history, as Mel Gibson directs and stars in the bloody (and bloody good) film Braveheart. Everyone is confused as to what Australians do with their spare time, but it is agreed upon that it must be something to do with riding horses into strangers' bedrooms late at night and then jumping out of the windows.

Babe reveals Australia as a hinky testing facility where innocent barnyard animals are tortured into talking. The phrase "That'll do pig, that'll do" inspires stampedes for years after.

The Simpsons visit Australia and Bart has a little misunderstanding with their upper government. We learn the horrid meaning of "booting." The American Embassy in Sydney is swamped with frightened tourists demanding protection; so many, in fact, that the embassy decides they're not worth it, and quietly slips out for a pint at the local pub.

1997 An Outback tale called Welcome To Whoop Whoop whoop whoops in and out of theaters so fast, that it has to join Tom Selleck in Australians Anonymous.

Speaking of obscure Australian films that deserve cult status, The Castle, a film about a family living near an airport and forced to move. Their resulting hijinks and court battles are the stuff of legend. Foreigners wonder if Australia has run out of room so quickly that it must house people at the end of runways.

Russell Crowe, born and bred Aussie, astounds L.A. Confidential audiences by scowling and beating up people. He is applauded for his rough-and-tumble acting.

1999 Redhead Aussie Nicole Kidman stars in Eyes Wide Shut with then hubby Tom Cruise. Despite being naked and wanting the sex, nobody fantasizes about her because she is too darn creepy.

The Matrix turns out to be mostly in Sydney, Australia. While everyone agrees that this is a cool movie, some are worried about the thousands of casualties inflicted each year during stunt scenes with helicoptors and people jumping over buildings. Movie studios see Australia ripe for plucking.

2000 The Patriot confuses audiences everywhere; why is Gibson, this Scottish-Australian road warrior, fighting in the Revolutionary War? Fortunately cooler heads prevail, and placated moviegoers ooh and ahh at the pretty explosions and flying body parts.

Russell Crowe, an actor playing an Aussie, astounds Gladiator audiences by scowling and beating up people. He is applauded for his monosyllabic grunts, and receives Best Picture.

2001 Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles gives movie critics a reason to roll over and groan in their money-filled mattresses. The public no longer wants to see this "fish out of water", as Australia follows Canada into the Union as the 52nd state (unofficial). Paul Hogan is played by a weathered leather wallet.

Nicole Kidman garners critical acclaim with double hits Moulin Rouge and The Others. The argument arises: does Australia export more ghosts or prostitutes?

The second Survivor series is set in the Australian Outback. Viewers are rivited by violent animal attacks, which mostly turn out to be mosquitoes. Wise Aussies previously moved all dangerous animals to their backyards, fearing for their protection from American stupidity. Jerri Manthey reveals herself to be the true Antichrist.

2002 The Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course capitalizes on the hit TV success of real life croc wrestler Steve Irwin, who in turn capitalized on the brew-ha-ha of fake life croc wrestler Paul Hogan, who in turn capitalized on a guy named Tom. Few tourists are afraid of dangerous animals in Australia, as they are convinced that some looney Aussie is going to jump on the critter and hold it hostage as some rite of passage.