Summary Capsule
A lady in tight clothes raids tombs
Justin's Rating: Sure, throw in some time travel! No movie's ever gone wrong with THAT concept!
Justin's Review: Save yourself a few bucks on rental and re-create the classic video-game-to-the-screen film that stars Angelina Jolie with a pseudo-Brit accent. Here's a step by step list of instructions to achieve the same type of quality found in this movie, while still hitting every major plot point:
- 1. Download a picture of Angelina Jolie off the internet. This isn't hard. She's famous. She's the one with big puffy lips that isn't Denise Richards. Ms. Richards is famous too.
2. Stare at the picture. Get all thoughts of lust out of your system.
3. Find a mirror in your living abode. Stuff two thick rolled up socks down the front of your shirt, even if you're female. Admire your bosom. Jump up and down to achieve the "jiggle effect".
4. Say snippy one liners like "I'll show them a thing or two about robbing the dead" and smirk afterwards. Don't forget the smirk. Smirk as if your life depended on it. If you do it right, you'll look both smug and as if you just smelled some rotten hamburger.
5. Find a six-year-old with a rudimentary grasp of the English language. Or at least any Western language. Ask him or her to make you a story that includes (1) time travel, (2) big guns, (3) a large Buddha statue that comes alive, (4) bungee jumping, and (5) a triangle. Read this story to some close friends while keeping a straight face.
Congratulations! You've now re-enacted every important thing to Tomb Raider. You're now ready for Hollywood. And don't forget the socks!
 2001 Rated PG-13 Action Adventure Director
Starring
|
How much damage Lara does to her home?
How does training with a four-legged robot help you rob graves more efficiently?
The Movie Store!
Tomb Raider: Movie [VHS]
Tomb Raider: Movie [DVD]
Intermission!
In an interview, Angelina Jolie freely admitted that filmmakers "enhanced" her bustline through padding and computer effects.
Official and Not-So-Official Websites
Paramount Official Site
Groovy Quotes
Hilary: A lady should be modest.
Lara Croft: A lady should.
 Tomb Raider is based off of Eidos' line of video games by the same title. The games feature our protagonist in rear-third person view, and has become famous for the enormous size of Lara's bustline. Although the game's popularity has waned since its first release, new Tomb Raider games are released annually, and this movie has the possibility of a sequel. |
Manfred Powell: I'm not going to kill you.
Lara Croft: I said you'd try.
Lara Croft: This is where I start to have fun.
If you liked this movie, try these:
Raiders of the Lost Ark
Hackers
The Mummy Returns
Feedback
