Justin's Rating: *sob*
Justin's Review: I forget who the movie reviewer was who said, "Troma movies are made like porn flicks." But whoever it was, they nailed it on the head. It's that agonizingly-bad, poor-quality, slapstick, gore overkill, toddler-influenced dialogue that must be seen to be truly reviled. Whatever good qualities there might be in the several thousand Troma flicks pumped out every year, they are buried underneath a mountain of crap so bad that you'd gladly pay any doctor to drill a hole through your skull just to erase the memories.

"All it means is that this was like the 'cable man' having a deep conversation about Plato with the 'sorority girls' before suddenly losing all their clothes and resorting to unnatural mating rituals."

Heck, Troma films aren't just like pornos, they sometimes are pornos. A while back, a cult movie talk radio program interviewed me over the phone about MRFH. The female DJ, mentioned that she had been in a number of cult flicks, including our review's Tromeo and Juliet as the nurse. Without thinking, I went, "Ah, I remember you." I didn't want to remember her, but since there are only a limited number of disturbing lesbian sex scenes in remakes of Romeo and Juliet, it was hard to forget. She made some comment about me filling up on lustful desires, so I came away looking like the perv, even though that scene and large swaths of this film have probably rendered me impotent for life.

To be honest, Tromeo and Juliet is probably the best Troma film ever made directly by that company. The twisted take on Shakespeare's tale provides for a slew of comedic pot-shots, and when I wasn't gagging, I was laughing. But just because it's the best Troma film does not necessarily mean I recommend it. All it means is that this was like the "cable man" having a deep conversation about Plato with the "sorority girls" before suddenly losing all their clothes and resorting to unnatural mating rituals. Well-dressed trash is still trash. For the uneducated, Troma films (this one included) think the following things are cool and/or funny:

• Animals dying
• People dying
• People being hurt or burned or mutilated, then laughed at
• Fart/poop jokes
• Vomit
• Naked breasts with sound effects ("boooiiiiing")

Maybe if someone would re-edit this film, like the Phantom Editor, skim off the crap, and make a tidy little fifteen minute masterpiece. Until then, just thank your blessed guardian angel that you haven't had to suffer through this. Like me. Help.