Justin's Rating: Does no one else see and accept the fact that Tara Reid is the first functional android?
Justin's Review: I'm gonna start this review with a lecture. Don't worry, it's not aimed at you, but you're welcome to sit in on it. I'm gonna need the extra hands to throw tomatoes at some naughty, naughty people.

This lecture is aimed at the comedy filmmakers of the world who are apparently suffering under the delusion that gross equals funny. [throw a tomato at the screen] You see, once in a rare blue falootin' moon there comes a movie that presents a gross-out gag that makes the flick memorable (your Animal House "zit" joke, or your Something About Mary "hair gel" routine), but these are rare comedic exceptions, sort of like the odds of Britney Spears ever saying anything intelligent or responsible. Yet, possibly because of lobotomies and deselective inbreeding, filmmakers think that any teen- or college-comedy MUST have something way gross in it, in order to appease the masses. Huh? [throw another tomato] When have the moviegoing audiences of the world ever, EVER asked for more gags involving puke, semen or things-to-be-inserted-rectally? Are there nationwide campaigns marching with banners that read "MORE DISGUSTING POOP GAGS IN OUR FILMS, NOW!" and I'm just missing it?

"Are there nationwide campaigns marching with banners that read 'MORE DISGUSTING POOP GAGS IN OUR FILMS, NOW!' and I'm just missing it?"

Where's the logic in doing something so vile and nauseating on screen, then, that it makes you retch five days after just to hear the movie's title? Maybe -- and this is a stretch deserving a whole bombardment of tomatoes -- filmmakers feel that if they do something SO gross and "outrageous", it'll make the movie into some sort of word-of-mouth freakshow, where you go just because your friends tell you not to. It just pisses me of incredibly to see, time and again, comedies that sacrifice any humor integrity to the Demigod of EWWWWW. I'm sick of it. I hate it. Filmmakers, please let me recap this so that your feebled intellects can process a simple equation:

GROSS DOES NOT EQUAL FUNNY. GROSS EQUALS GROSS.

I've been wanting to break out this lecture for some time, and National Lampoon's Van Wilder presented me with a good opportunity. You see, I'm going to go on in this review to extol the likable virtues of this flick -- which I do think you should see. But there is one scene in it that no human who is not a twisted pervert licking their own sore-encrusted body should ever see, nor find funny in the least. If you rent the DVD -- which you should -- please help me boycott senseless grossness, and skip over chapter 13. Don't let your curiosity get the best of you, just do it. Your soul will be better for it.

Van Wilder (Ryan "One Guy, No Girls, And A Pizza Place" Reynolds) is in his seventh year of college, living the high life that popularity and a pocket full of whimsey will get you. Like his cro-magnon ancestors, such as Otto from Animal House, Ferris Bueller, or Droz from PCU, Van Wilder loves the party and hates the study. He's also the It man on campus, the guy who has the place tied around his little pinky, and he clearly loves it. Now, I fell prone to ocassional fits of thinking that my college world catered to my every whim, but I was usually disillusioned to that when I tried to start a toga party in the middle of morning chapel.

Van Wilder cruises through this sex-party-collegiate universe and transports us safely to high ground. Even though he carries on with the traditional (and mundane) college party activities, the cheeky wit and affable nature that he packs along for the journey make this something close to enjoyable. Van Wilder genuinely cares about his college and friends, becoming a one-man humanitarian crusade to make other people's lives better while pocketing a profit. He travels in a customized golf cart, hires a new personal assistant per year, and is the focus of an intensive newspaper story written by The Automaton Known As Tara Reid.

Really, Reynolds does make it all work. I admit that I'm partial to fast-talking protagonists who are not only a shade smarter than his aquaintances, but also most of the movie audience. He's so happy in his everlasting college career that he's basically living the sort of fantasy life we sometimes wish we could have as well.

Honestly, even with the severe grossness of a few scenes, Van Wilder manages to be less offensive than either Scary Movie or Road Trip, possibly because the film does realize (even under the Nat'l Lampoon moniker) that humor can come from well-scripted dialogue and deft little moments.

I really think that Van Wilder will find redemption in the annals of late-night cable re-runs. It's got that lackadasial attitude and college flick stigma that works better over time -- even if everyone including the President has disavowed themselves of this movie. Outside of the Vacation movies, this is probably the most worthwhile Nat'l Lampoon film... if only they'd let me in to exorcise a few nasty scene demons.

Kyle's Rating: Apparently, college has evolved
Kyle's Review: I love Animal House and PCU. I love them! They are exactly how college SHOULD be. Unfortunately, real life seldom follows my twisted dream-logic, and as a result I have never attended or even visited a college campus where any of these wonderful films could conceivably occur. There are cliques of students who grow into inseparable friends, there are beer parties with occasional nude participants, there is free sex, there is paid sex, and there is a whole lot of complaining about the administration. But for when it comes to mastermind students actually taking a stand and attempting to DO something, be it take over the school or just be the ultimate “go to” guy, well, I haven’t met many myself. I guess I’ve seen a few underground newspapers lampooning admins, and heard legends about the guy who could drink anyone under the table yet never appeared drunk himself. But mostly, even the most charismatic classmates I’ve met have still struggled to get other students involved in doing anything. Most college kids nowadays just want to get their degrees and get out, though parties are always do-able, and the most sophisticated group activity many will participate in is pushing a sofa into the road and setting it on fire. And then they don’t even stay to dance around it; they just go back in. Come on, kids! Tribal dance!

"There are cliques of students who grow into inseparable friends, there are beer parties with occasional nude participants, there is free sex, there is paid sex, and there is a whole lot of complaining about the administration."

So the general college apathy I’ve encountered doesn’t affect my love and respect for past college movies, but it does color my interpretations of modern college movies. And so we get to Van Wilder, which as a younger lad I would have really dug but as a 10-year college junior, I’m a little too jaded and loaded with homework to get too excited. Even the presence of the Great One, Tim Matheson, couldn’t knock this one out of the park! But it is a very nice try.

As Justin mentioned, a big part of this film just seems to be out-grossing the competition with an excess of bodily fluids and an over-emphasis of the Neanderthal “I’m a bad guy!”-ness of the villains (as in Animal House, the bad guys are the uptight rich white fraternity. Actually, this is pretty true-to-life!). It’s a shame, because Ryan Reynolds is pretty good as a likeable good will ambassador who cares about everyone and has wonderful innate organization skills as long as someone is around to dictate his thoughts. Okay, Van Wilder is me. I liked that part a lot, because I was like “Hey, that’s me!”

But Tara Reid is frightening, and I don’t know if it was the lights or what but she seriously appeared to be made of shiny plastic material here. If we all chip in, maybe we can buy her some moisturizer and sunblock and that might help. I just don’t know. And as nice and friendly as Van Wilder, I just couldn’t see him overcoming student apathy to become a celebrated savior of the masses. If they had made this a small scale story I would have loved it, but once they bring in the usual “bad guys are against Van but the whole college comes out in his support and he wins to the sound of a big cheer!” I rapidly lost interest. Reynolds is fantastic and as long as we get to see him playing his games, it’s good times. But no Reynolds = no fun. I wouldn’t follow Van Wilder into the gates of hell (an actual dorm room on my campus, though doesn’t everyone have one?) as I would follow Bluto or Otter or Droz, but I wouldn’t mind hanging out with him for a weekend or something. But leave that bulldog at home, please! *ewww*