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"Even with my eyes wide open, I can't see a thing!"

2003 R / Martial Arts Directed by: Takeshi Kitano Starring: Takeshi Kitano, Tadanobu Asano, Michiyo Ookusu

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Summary Capsule

Sight-challenged but insanely skilled swordsman defeats small town mobsters, saves transvestite geishas, and slays a very large number of henchpersons.

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Shalen's Rating: Two out of two reasons why "paper as building material" and "really sharp swords as weapons" do not mix well.
Shalen's Review: What a great movie. And for once, I'm not actually being sarcastic when I say that. This was my second viewing of The Blind Swordsman: Zatoichi, and I have to say it was just as good the second time. Although, before I continue, I should admit that I have no background either in Zatoichi novels and films (of which there are many) or Takeshi Kitano (Beat Takeshi) films, of which there are also a large number. Certainly, after this I know I have to see Battle Royale. If it has anything like Zatoichi's style it's got to be a must-see.

"No cop-out black blood here, folks, and I do not recommend cherry slushies while watching"

Not that the two films are very similar otherwise. Zatoichi is a historical fiction, set in a period when everyone wore kimono or kilt-like garments and that really uncomfortable-looking wooden footgear. The protagonist is a blind masseur who travels from town to town with his red "cane," on which other people inexplicably can't see the obvious seam between sword hilt and sheath. In this particular case he's gently tapped his way into a small town which has two or three (I'm still not quite sure) rival gangs competing for gambling and extortion rights. In the process of solving the town's problems, Zatoichi helps out a silly local gambler, the sly old woman who lets him stay in her house, and a pair of geishas who want to avenge the deaths of their family. Fortunately for him, all of these things can be accomplished merely by slaughtering people with a sword.*

His only real obstacle is the traveling ronin Hattori Genosuke, now working as a "bodyguard" for one of the gangs. Hattori is a stone-cold killer, of course, but we're given to understand it's only so that he can support his sick wife. The manner lent him by actor Tadanobu Asano supports this idea — he never acts as if he really enjoys what he's doing. He doesn't strut. He walks like a man who's just been beaten with a stick, which I found to be one of the film's better touches.** He also gets more character development than any of the gangster bosses do.

This film has something for just about everyone. It has beautiful, stylishly gory sword fights (no cop-out black blood here, folks, and I do not recommend cherry slushies while watching). The choreography is good and the cutting is not annoying. It has lovely women in attractive period clothing. It has men in those sexy samurai-style hairdos. Hmmm. Maybe those are not quite so sexy, but they are yards beyond the samurai equivalent of shorts, which appears to be a highly abbreviated robe over white spandex.*** Where was I? I was frozen in horror for a second there. The film has a wonderful soundtrack. And it ends in a huge group tap dance.**** The use of color is also wonderful, and not just in the moments when red blood is contrasted with a wide variety of environments.

A lot of the film's better action and drama moments have no dialogue, so the quotes section doesn't really do it justice. Part of that is because the film is in Japanese. Part of it is because the dialogue generally has to do with the least interesting parts of the plot, such as the stereotypical gangster squabbles and the attempts at comic relief. The latter may not actually be lame, but they come across that way when translated for Westerners. For that matter, I can see why this movie hasn't been popular in the U.S. — the protagonist is an older guy, there is no love interest and no sex scenes, and it ends in dancing instead of a lone Caucasian in a trench coat striding off into an urban sunset. In fact, this film is almost exactly the antithesis of the Underworld franchise. Which I liked. But I like this better. I'll bet you will, too, even without Kate Beckinsale in black PVC.

Wow. What a weird note to end on.

*Why doesn't it ever work out that way for me?
**I'm beginning to be quite a fan of Tadanobu Asano. I thought he played The Man (the ostensible villain) in Versus, but IMDB says that was Hideo Sakaki.
***And that is far better than what the gang-affiliated guys running the dice game wear, which appears to be those same undershorts continued upward to right under the pectorals with nothing over them. Japan long ago progressed beyond the United States in having men wear humiliating outfits as well as women, which is ironic considering the generally patronizing Western attitude in this area.
****Seriously. Though Zatoichi isn't there. He's busy doing his lone-hero-sneaks-out-of-town thing.

This isn't very progressive, but she has a nice view. This is how special Zatoichi is: when he gets old, his hair turns platinum blonde. Zatoichi vs. The Men in Spandex

Didja Notice? [some sources: IMDb]

• Receding hairline was not so much of a problem back then, since guys all had to shave the front half of their heads anyway.
• What a considerate guy Hattori is, pouring his own tea while his wife is hacking her lungs out.
• The little loop of cord they added to make the scarecrow anatomically correct
• The peasant guys in the background doing their rhythm routine in several scenes
• Osei really is quite pretty
• A lute has many uses other than playing it
• How cool Zatoichi's eyes are when we finally see them. I think they are CGI.
• It's important to do your hair correctly before stabbing yourself to death.
• Apparently massage was once a fairly respectable profession for single old guys.
• Hattori and Zatoichi's different sword draws
• The village idiot guy looks fairly muscular. Was this a cameo from a real sumo or something?

Is It Worth Staying Through End Credits?

No.

Intermission! [some sources: IMDb]

The blood in the film has been described by many as being "too CGI". Kitano did this intentionally, wanting to "soften the shock to the audience" due to the high body count. Kitano told the CGI artist he wanted the blood to "look like flowers blossoming across the screen."

The end dance sequence is a tribute to popular Japanese films, in which the Hollywood-style happy ending was followed by a sudden "burst into song." (Sound of Shalen laughing.) The director wanted to attempt this, but in a different type of way. Kitano combined traditional Kabuki theatre clog-dancing with "the latest African-American tap style." That's what IMDB says, although I hadn't realized African Americans were so into beribboned wooden shoes.

Groovy Quotes

Zatoichi: It's a little cramped in here. It's no good drawing your sword that way.

Hattori: Send a message to your boss: Experienced ronin seeks position as bodyguard.

Zatoichi: I'll just watch for now.
Shinkichi: But you're blind.
Zatoichi: (laughs)

Aunt Oume: Masseur! Don't make those eyes at me!

Zatoichi: If he and I fought at night, who would be stronger?

Zatoichi: Death is too good for you. Finish your life as a blind man!

Last line of film: Even with my eyes wide open, I can't see a thing!

Soundtrack Review

Wish I could find it for sale. Eccentric flutes and wooden rhythm instruments. Unusual scoring for such a bloody film, one supposes, but effective and attractive in context and on its own.

If you liked this movie, try these:

• Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
• The Kung Fu Colt Master
• The Last Samurai