 Star Wars Special Edition |
Back when Saturday Night Live was at least temporarily memorable, they had a great fake commercial for a line of jeans called Bad Idea Jeans. It featured a group of not-so-manly men lounging around, jawing about things they intend to do, things that necessitate a large red alarm to go off to bring common sense racing to the scene. Instead, after each phrase of ineptitude is uttered, the words "Bad Idea" flash on the screen (example: "Normally I wear protection... but then I figured, when am I gonna make it back to Haiti?").
I bring this up because sometimes good ideas can be deceiving, if you don't have a shred of common sense -- or lacking that, an opinionated and bossy older lady -- to tell you that it's just not gonna turn out the way you think it will.
Back in 1997, George Lucas had what he thought was a GOOD IDEA. According to his checkbook, the Star Wars franchise made a pretty penny, enough so that he was free from ever having to create an original concept for the rest of his life. But aside from making some new movies, something he'd been putting off for over 15 years, how could he get even richer? The answer came to him in a blinding flash: to monkey around with his already-made classic movies, do a bit of repackaging, and sell them as brand-new! Hey, if the Tetris people could keep coming out with variations on the same exact game, why couldn't he? So Lucas got his little piggy nose promptly back into the game.
To fess up, when the Star Wars: Special Edition release came in 1997 (the three original films were released in January, February and March, respectively), I was not just a little bit psyched. I had grown up completely immersed in the Star Wars product line, my bedroom successfully conquered by tens of thousands of plastic action figures with at least three movable limbs apiece. Plus, there were the movies themselves, which I had probably seen at least 50 times each. And I didn't really consider myself a huge Star Wars fan -- I left that to some of my friends, who would skip around college quoting every little line of dialogue and reenacting the lightsaber duels with their flashlights.
Nevertheless to say, when we heard that Star Wars was not only going to be re-released in theaters, but with additional effects and scenes, we just freaked. Remember, this was well before Yipee-Boy and Midichlorians came to the screen to suck our souls completely dry, and the prospect of witnessing an enhanced Star Wars in theaters was just overwhelming. As a young boy, I only got to see Return of the Jedi once in theaters, and finally I'd be able to put them all under my belt.
When Star Wars: A New Hope came out, we cut class to go stand in line with a number of other freezing souls, many of whom were dolled up in costumes that they hadn't taken off since Halloween. It was a pretty exhilerating experience, culminating with the "STAR WARS" logo flashing on the screen, at which point our theater just *exploded*. I've never been at a movie where everyone was literally *on their feet* cheering for a mere eight letters, but it was something to remember.
While the hype and buzz surrounding the experience certainly got to my head, after a time some doubts settled in about the questionable choices made to "enhance" this series. The first question is, should Lucas have done it at all? I'm torn on this. On one hand, the original trilogy is about as sacred in the eyes of fans as a film series can get, and I do believe that a movie should be preserved in it's original form -- for better or worse -- as it came out. But on the other hand, it's not my intellectual property, and it did get a whole new generation of fans juiced about Star Wars while giving us old-timers some shiny new tricks to drool over.
So I don't have as much of a problem with the whole concept of enhancing the Star Wars trilogy as with the specific decisions made. Some, most definitely, were GOOD IDEAS, and genuinely made the movie better without altering it from the original vision. However, as time goes by and makes fools of us all, a larger portion of the changes became like that SNL commercial: a BAD IDEA.
And even so, I wouldn't have a major beef with beefy Lucas if he didn't proclaim in so many words that the Special Edition was to be forever the ONLY edition. To hear Lucas tell it, he's deeply ashamed of the technical limitations he had back in the late 70's when it came to making the movies, and it'd be best for him and his therapist if he could just sweep it under the rug perminantly. However, I think that it's exactly because of these limitations that the original version should be kept safe and cherished -- Lucas and company really did do an astounding job for all of the lack of computerized anythings they had back in those days.
They stopped making the VHS version of the original trilogy, and I'll bet you everything PoolMan owns that when the DVDs of the trilogy finally arrive (ETA 2034 A.D.), you won't be able to witness the first three movies as they were originally conceived and shown. That, my friends, is a massive tragedy, even if they are just mere "movies."
Journey with me as I examine the changes made from the original version to the special edition, sifting through the hype to find separate the good ideas from the dagger-in-the-back bad ideas. Note that I won't be covering a lot of the little niggley-piggley details that are mostly cleaned-up versions of the original (like Tatooine's sunset sky replacing the old one when R2 was trolling along), just the big stuff.
[Key: ANH - Star Wars: A New Hope; ESB - Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back; ROTJ - Star Wars: Return of the Jedi]
The Special Edition Trailer: GOOD IDEA
Not an actual part of the movies, per se, but the trailers announcing the coming of the SW:SE stopped just short of digitally adding a decending Jesus falling into the cockpit of the Millenium Falcon, in terms of overstating its importance. My favorite part is as the trailer begins, we see a tiny TV with Star Wars on it and a voice saying, "For a generation, this is the only way they've experienced Star Wars". Then an X-Wing bursts through the TV, flies into the camera, and fires wildly just as the John Williams score goes into overdrive. Seven years later, and I *still* get goosebumps from seeing that.
 A hive of scum and hilarity |
This sequence is nothing more than an extended establishing shot of Luke and Ben's landspeeder arriving at and entering Mos Eisley. The new, longer version shows off a much bigger city, a couple new alien creatures, and helps to make a bridge between Luke's small world and his exploration into a much bigger one. It also establishes Mos Eisley as a much busier and more diverse starport, teeming with activity, aliens and droids galore.
Wolfman Replaced [ANH]: BAD IDEA
Wolfman was one of many aliens featured in the establishing shot at the cantina, and was replaced in the SE by an elephantish alien. Although this isn't that critical, in my memory's eye Wolfman was always the alien that stood out to me most (along with Hammerhead), and the decision to completely remove and replace a character -- who already was established in the SW canon in one of the short story books based on the cantina characters -- is a dubious one.
 The day Lucas sold us all out |
"That's the worst idea since Greedo shooting first!" (Holden, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back)
To many Star Wars purists, this was the most grevious blasphemy performed by the special edition. In the original version, the bounty hunter Greedo is menacing Han Solo at a table while Solo discreetly pulls out his blaster and plugs the alien after a throwaway comment. This was the introduction to the Solo character, and this scene is pivital in showing that he's a bit unorthodox, he's ahead of the game, and he didn't adhere to that awful movie cliché of waiting until the bad guy attacked to attack back.
The new version has an altered shot showing both characters -- Greedo and Solo -- and Greedo manages to pull out his blaster first, fire a shot that goes into the wall, after which Solo gets his shot in and kills the bounty hunter. Lucas claims that this was his intended vision for the scene, but whether it was or not, it changes it for the distinctly worse. It smells like bat guano, to be frank. Not only does it fall back into the previously mentioned cliché, but it also makes Han Solo come out the slower draw in a fight.
Aside from what it implies, this new scene is muddled as they have to force a new camera perspective and add a CGI arm that quickly -- almost too quickly for the eye to track -- comes up and fires.
New Scene Where Han Meets Jabba The Hutt In The Cargo Bay [ANH]: BAD IDEA
Okay, I can see why they'd want to add this: it's a complete scene that had never before been seen, due to the lack of a special effects budget to get a real Jabba into the picture. Good concept, bad idea. The scene itself is horribly repetative (Han ends up saying the same thing here twice that he already said once before with Greedo), it doesn't add anything to the plot whatsoever other than steal Jabba's thunder from when he originally got introduced in ROTJ, and it's a tad bit silly.
Don't believe me? Check it out: even slimmed down as he is, Jabba still has this large tail that makes a problem for the editors, as Solo walks completely around in back of him. Their solution was to bump Solo up to make him appear as if he was walking ON TOP of Jabba, with a cartoony "urk" expression added to Jabba's face. The final reason this scene is just extra fat that is only there to feed slobbering fans is that Boba Fett (previously introduced in ESB -- they're stealing the thunder out of two movie's introductions here) is added, just so that he can walk slowly, pause and turn, complete fan service for SW geeks who wet themselves seeing Boba Fett doing absolutely nothing for no reason.
Millenium Falcon Takes Off [ANH]: GOOD IDEA
Really, all this is is a better launching of the Millenium Falcon (it's first on-screen flight), and they do give it a nice round of spit-and-polish to make us proud.
Explosion Rings [ANH]: GOOD IDEA
When both Alderaan and the Death Star explode (hope I'm not spoiling anyone's virgin watching experience here), they added an expanding ring wave of flame, which looks a LOT like the one from Star Trek VI. But since the original Death Star explosion always looked like cheaply set-off fireworks, this is a definite improvement.
 Stormtroopers and them slippery bananas |
When Han is running willy-nilly around the Death Star, he gets a great new mini-scene where he stumbles into a vast hanger full of Stormtroopers and a TIE fighter, whereupon he kills one and does a complete 180. This makes what was already a funny scene much better, and I applaud the change. Poor Solo, always getting in over his head.
Approach To Yavin [ANH]: GOOD IDEA
Nothing much here, just cleaner or replaced shots of the Falcon approaching and landing on Yavin (aka "Endor 2").
Biggs Gets His Due [ANH]: GOOD IDEA
Here's a missing scene, restored, to a good end. Biggs and Luke reunite as old friends from that dusty desert planet no one visits -- you know the one I'm talking about. This scene doesn't add much, plot-wise, but is great because all of the characters here look far more 70s than the rest of the movie, to the point where you expect at least one of the X-Wings to feature shag carpeting and an 8-track.
 Space-Lambs to the slaughter |
Probably the single best addition to the SW:SE set is a slew of updated and replaced shots as the Rebels battle the first Death Star. The Rebels now look like they have more than seven-odd ships (including their mother's minivan), the special effects go on for more than a half-second apiece, and it generally comes out looking very very cool. Of course, Porkins still gets blown up, but that's to be expected as he's fat, and fat people just aren't competant at anything. That would make an interesting essay, actually, Why Star Wars Hates Fat People. Jabba the Hutt and Porkins represent.
 The Cookie Monster's long-lost brother |
In the beginning of Empire Strikes Back, Luke gets into a frozen pickle as he's captured and left to freeze before becoming Wampa McNuggets. Now, the original version doesn't feature the Wampa too much, perhaps because the producers spent most of the motherlode on creating stop-motion Tauntauns. The Wampa is hardly seen, a thing of mystery and distant roars, and that actually worked for the film. Sometimes it's scarier NOT to see the danger, and when they altered this scene in the special edition, Mr. Wampa becomes as scary as an ornery bear. Granted, irritable bears are nothing to trifle with, but it's just a bear. The cutting between the original material (Luke struggling to get free, etc) and the new material (the Wampa getting up, tap dancing, coming for Luke, getting an arm chopped off for his efforts) comes across as really tacky and stilted. Far from blending seamlessly, they might as well have had a Jawa on the bottom-right corner with two signs proclaiming "OLD" and "NEW" with each cut.
Plus, and this is just a personal thing, I honestly miss the Rolling Wampa. It was one of my favorite things to mock about Star Wars, after Luke's whining about going to Tashi Station to pick up some, quote, "power converters", end quote, which you just knew was a euphanism for dirty magazines (for fun, the next time you watch A New Hope, replace that phrase with "dirty magazines" and see how it just adds to the flava). The Rolling Wampa was one brief shot where the Wampa was coming for Luke, but they didn't have any sort of actor in a costume available. So they just planted this stationary, still figure on a rolling track, hid it behind some well-placed icicles, and then... roooooolled it from left to right screen. I mean, it was so obvious that it became a beautiful thing. Rolling Wampa just made my day, as I theorized whether the Wampa was supposed to be gliding across the ice or had ankle jets or whatnot. Anyway, that omission is more a personal gripe, but I give it to you nonetheless.
Battle Of Hoth Gets Touched Up [ESB]: GOOD IDEA
It's old news to most of you, I'm sure, but when they originally filmed the ground battle on Hoth, there was a lot of fudging going on. The filmmakers screwed themselves by trying to do a daylight battle on a completely white background, which meant that all of the green screen work and matte shots would be hard to conceal. So they had to add fake fog and lighten up some shots inside Landspeeder cockpits to make it all sort of work, and for the time, they did a good job.
The SW:SE uses the mighty power of digital technology -- which, according to Lucas, can actually save sins and cure leukemia -- to clean up all the fudging and basically make this battle a lot better looking. And how can I object to that? I can't. Let's move on.
Luke Gets A New Line On Dagobah [ESB]: BAD IDEA
I have some serious issues with changing dialogue, particularly when (a) there's no reason to do it, and (b) the new dialogue is much worse than the original. Here, Luke's line changes from "You're lucky you don't taste very good" when R2 gets spit back up, to the lamer "You're lucky to get out of there." Um, why? I mean, seriously, why?
Cloud City - Now I Want To Vacation There! [ESB]: GOOD IDEA
Unable to contain himself to subtle additions and underhanded alterations, Lucas splurges on a completely unnecessary -- but cool -- update to the approach of the Falcon to Cloud City, as well as a bunch of new background changes inside the city. It really does give the city a more rich look, and is reminiscent of the Mos Eisley changes in ANH.
Cloud City Evacuates [ESB]: GOOD IDEA
A couple new shots are added of people listening to Lando's announcement to evacuate, and then the actual evacuation. I liked this as it gives a larger and more imminent scope to the situation, and it's one of the rare glimpses into the hell that the Empire causes as it stomps in everywhere.
Luke Screams As He Falls [ESB]: BAD IDEA
Dear Mr. Lucas, there is absolutely no, no, NO reason this should have been added. The original version, where Luke silently falls to his fated death, was touching and notable. This new version, where Luke is screaming like a five-year old boy who stubbed his toe AND has to go to the dentist that day, is pointless and robs the scene of its former impact. Why? You must answer me! I am a critic! I lord over you with my mighty wand that shoots fireballs and lightning!
 I'm walking, yes indeed... |
Apparently, a lot of dim-witted Star Wars viewers have been constantly confused over the past twenty years how Darth Vader could go from being in Cloud City back to his flagship Star Destroyer. The human imagination is only so powerful, and thus Lucas Films came to our rescue with an entire series of shots so grand and epic in scope that they deserved their own film. The movie's title? "Vader Goes For A Stroll". These shots are just there to show Vader walking to his shuttle, getting on his shuttle, riding his shuttle, ordering a beverage from the cart service on his shuttle, getting off his shuttle, going to the Little Sith Lord's Room to drain the mechanical snake, then going up to the bridge. Yes, it's pointless. But at least it makes this incredibly long movie a minute and a half longer!
 He's force-splitting my head open |
Now, I don't have a lot of allegiance to the original musicians in Jabba's court, so don't take this as me being miffed that their original genius was robbed or anything. No, I just have a problem with Return of the Jedi suddenly becoming a freaking MUSICAL.
Jabba's palace and court gets a great intro, creating an atmosphere of danger and seething intrigue and frog snacks. Yet all of this goes away as Lucas stabs me personally in the heart by having his new CGI creations start dancing and singing this long and pointless song -- in another language, no less -- trying desperately for a cheap laugh along the way. Show me one, just one person who thought this musical addition was a grand idea, worthy of Star Wars lore, and I'll show you a certified moron.
 Luke. The other dark meat. |
The formerly fearsome "pit of doom that just sort of lies there and doesn't do much of anything" gets an update for the new millenium with a CGI beak and some frisky tentacles. Why a female Sarlacc? Because she reminded me of Ms. Pac-Man, that's why.
The End Celebration [ROTJ]: GOOD AND BAD IDEA
The end of Return of the Jedi had the Rebels partying it up on Endor, but that was about the entirity of the scope of the moment. You sort of had to imagine how the rest of the Galaxy felt about this. The SW:SE ending goes from planet to planet, showing the masses cheering and celebrating and even tearing down a statue of the Emporer. This is all highly cool, and yet... and yet, I miss the Ewok Song.
I know, call me stupid and let this one statement void this entire article's worth of wisdom, but I miss it. They used to have an Ewok Song that played during this part, and it is no more. I could even sing along to it ("yub nub" being some of the complex lyrics), and it's now gone. A part of my childhood is lost forever.
So that's about it. Yes, again, I didn't touch on every piddling little change, but somehow I feel you'll survive anyway.
Posted: October 10, 2003
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