Batman

I'm Batman: The Poster

Kyle: Here I am, compiling and assigned who said what to the Batman Mutant Viewing chat between myself and fellow Mutant Nancy. I was going to correct spelling mistakes and lack of capitalizations on both our parts throughout this transcripts, but then I said "No, let them see just how excited and young and thrilled we were to be watching Batman and sharing in that experience with a co-worker and friend who feels similar elation at such an activity. Let the people who will read this viewing know that raw emotion, enthusiasm, and pure love at certain overwhelmed us both to the point of misspelling words like 'spaciousness' and occasionally invoking internet slang/abbreviations to concisely and completely communicate our ideas and thoughts and feelings! Also, it's like 1:35 a.m. Pacific time, and [Kyle] needs sleepy. Let's get this out!"

So, on behalf of myself and Nancy, I hope you enjoy this viewing of the 1989 smash hit, Batman. Thanks for reading!

UPDATE! Apparently, according to Justin, writing sans correct punctuation and any sense of capitalization is only barely tolerated in e-mails and NEVER in Mutant feature articles. Who could have guessed?

KYLE: Monkey!

NANCY: Aha!

NANCY: 2:02!

KYLE: Sort of.

NANCY: According to the clock I'm looking at, not my actual computer.

KYLE: Is it? I've got 10:57, myself.

KYLE: Are you excited? Are you scared? Are you ready to CHAT?!?!

NANCY: I'm all of the above.

NANCY: Mostly scared.

NANCY: A little queasy.

NANCY: I'm not sure if I should make coffee.

KYLE: I went to the bathroom just now, so as to not interrupt the movie process. Just like a real trip to the movies!

NANCY: I already popped my popcorn popper for college.

NANCY: And by popped, I clearly mean packed.

NANCY: It's 2 AM.

KYLE: I just assumed.

KYLE: It's 11 PM. This is so weird. Philosophically, it's very intriguing.

NANCY: Time zones freak me out.

KYLE: Me too!

NANCY: I'm just like ...what? How is it a different....time? And then I start thinking of the essence of time and my head explodes and I need to watch Batman to calm down.

NANCY: Speaking oooooof....

KYLE: My Batman special edition DVD is all ready to go. Say the word and we'll start them up.

NANCY: Ugh I hate VHS so much.

KYLE: Ha ha! You're "lame."

KYLE: In a good way, tho'.

NANCY: I have Batman the old movie on DVD.

NANCY: Which I suppose makes me even lamer.

KYLE: Maybe. I'm not sure.

NANCY: Hold up, I gotta fast forward through Alfred selling Pepsi.

NANCY: This is what the '90s felt like.

KYLE: Ha! I remember the Pepsi commercial. It made me want to buy Pepsi, even though I was all about Coke. Go Alfred!

NANCY: Now Daffy Duck is telling me I can't watch this movie without a Warner Bros. ball cap.

KYLE: Okay!

NANCY: FBI warning.

NANCY: I think you could cue it up now.

KYLE: Here we go!

NANCY: Wahoo!

"Batman"

NANCY: The Warner Bros. theme got me so psyched.

NANCY: I love how the Joker is billed before Batman.

KYLE: Easily some of the best theme music EVER. You go, Danny Elfman! I don't even blame you for ripping yourself off for the Spider-man theme.

NANCY: Jack Nicholson > Michael Keaton.

KYLE: Just a fact of life.

NANCY: I won't argue it.

NANCY: Ah!

NANCY: The music is getting intense!

KYLE: Billy Dee!

NANCY: Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba!

NANCY: Oh you're a little ahead of me.

NANCY: Pause for like two seconds and we're good.

KYLE: I wish my middle name was "Gough." how crazy.

NANCY: My middle name is Nevada.

KYLE: Okay.

NANCY: I'm pretty satisfied.

NANCY: Danny Elfman!

NANCY: PRINCE!

KYLE: Prince! Excellent soundtrack.

KYLE: Ha ha! Jinx: you owe me coke!

NANCY: Ohhh, I forgot how many excellent people work on this.

NANCY: Alfred sells Pepsi. Silly Kyle.

KYLE: Here's where you realize: whoa, it was a big Batman symbol all along. Brilliant!

NANCY: And we're in!

He's such a people person

KYLE: Lots of traffic on that Gotham City Bridge. What a drag.

NANCY: Gotham City looks so gritty and gross in the movie, as opposed to the comics when it had more of an air of mystery.

KYLE: I love how it's supposed modern times, but they're all about the fedoras in Gotham City.

KYLE: I know, it's just the sound of traffic that makes it, but eh.

NANCY: Oh yeah. Gotham City loves fedoras.

NANCY: That's where the town makes their money.

KYLE: Well, in the comics it was gross and gritty, then an earthquake destroyed it all, and now it's all rebuilt and shiny. Though certainly with some crappy parts, too. *comics geekery ends... for now*

NANCY: We're. Watching. Batman.

NANCY: It won't end.

KYLE: So then the mom screams. Nice one.

KYLE: Ooh, Batman shadow that's clearly animated!

NANCY: I know, she doesn't even have a reason to, he's already gone.

NANCY: Why do crooks make a point of doubting Batman?

KYLE: It's cool how, for a big budget superhero movies, these crooks are clearly tweakers and addicts.

KYLE: They're all gross-looking. Nice!

NANCY: Big-budget eighties style.

NANCY: /nineties.

KYLE: Whoa, that's Batman! I'd doubt him, too, until I saw him and realized "Oh, no, Batman!"

NANCY: This is like Turner & Hooch budget AH THERE HE IS!

KYLE: He just takes the bullets, and is like "Ha ha." Nice try.

NANCY: What made them stop? Nothing. Nothing but the sad sense of impending doom.

KYLE: Well, shadows can be scary.

NANCY: Dropped his hat. Ha-ha.

"Listen, buster, I don't know how you USUALLY go in for a first kiss, but this ain't it"

NANCY: I think being hung over a ledge is the scariest thing.

KYLE: It's amazing to think that Michael Keaton sells me on absolutely every aspect of Bruce Wayne/Batman. I totally believe when I'm watching this that he's holding that dude over that drop just because he's the MAN. The BATMAN, if you will.

NANCY: That's funny, I was just gonna ask you if you thought Michael was the best Batman.

KYLE: If it weren't Jack Nicholson playing the Joker, I think Michael Keaton would have gotten a lot more accolades.

NANCY: Hmm...

NANCY: Hello Jack!

NANCY: Sorry, had to inform the mutant reading audience Nicholson was on the screen.

KYLE: It's between him and Christian Bale. For the type of movies they're in, they're both perfect.

KYLE: No worries. JACK.

NANCY: ...I have some issues with Batman Begins but we'll talk about that a later day.

NANCY: So I'm all for Michael Keaton as the best.

NANCY: I love how he just blatantly hates her.

NANCY: (I'm referring to The Joker's mistress, at home reading audience)

KYLE: It's weird to empathize more with the villain (Jack/Joker) than the hero sometimes. But I guess that's what happens when you're selfish and vain; it makes it hard to feel like the hero all the time.

NANCY: Mhmm.

KYLE: Nah. He loves having her around, as long as she doesn't get any handprints or skin cells on his suits. I know how he feels!

NANCY: That's why I loooove the cheesy Adam West version. It's so much easier to root for the villains, and the Batman villains are so cool!

NANCY: I love Knox, by the way.

KYLE: Oh, wow! I must hear about your Bale issues ASAP. Maybe during a lull.

KYLE: He's a great touchstone, and since he's mostly annoying so there's no real threat of him actually wooing Vicki away from Bruce.

KYLE: It's cool how Jack goes to the trouble of putting the money inside real bread, just to really sell the "snack" crack.

KYLE: Bob the goon. What a great sidekick! What an ironic ending! I love it.

KYLE: Lame action figure, though.

*monkygravy18 has gone offline*

KYLE: When I was a kid, I had absolutely no idea what that line meant. "Where you been spending your nights." Now it's like "whoa! so adult!"

*here's a period where Kyle and Nancy spent some time trying to get reconnected via GoogleChat*

KYLE: I think I lost you right around when Bob the goon pulls his gun on Eckhardt. should I go back?

NANCY: Yeah, what happened was I kept talking and you just looked like you were typing.

NANCY: So I said a lot that you didn't get, including stuff like "Are you dead?" and "Alfred's first shot!"

NANCY: Go to wear Vicki and Knox meet Bruce. I'll pause.

KYLE: WRONG! You must've got booted offline.

NANCY: But I'll accept responsibility. It's cool.

KYLE: Yeah, but it didn't tell me I did until ten minutes after! I kept talking like a fool!

NANCY: Ha ha ha!

KYLE: No, let's restart with the party scene. cool?

NANCY: Absolutely.

KYLE: Start with the outside shot of Wayne manor, and tell me when you're ready.

NANCY: VHS. Remember. VHS.

KYLE: I gotcha.

NANCY: And we're back!

KYLE: Okay.

KYLE: I love Knox giving Alfred money as a tip, and Alfred being all "what a douche."

NANCY: Haha me too.

NANCY: That's happening right....now.

KYLE: For me, too! We're synched up, then. Awesome.

NANCY: So I might be a little behind you but whatever whatev.

NANCY: Oh good!

NANCY: Vicki's dress is a little intense.

NANCY: I never noticed before..

KYLE: Of course, nothing compares to Alfred's lascivious glance at Vicki.

NANCY: Alfred is so good! Always cleaning up after Bruce.

KYLE: Why would Vicki ask a dude busy with something to help her find Bruce Wayne? Weird.

NANCY: Sixth sense.

KYLE: Being eccentric is great! Being rich helps, though.

NANCY: Vicki and Bruce were meant to be.

NANCY: No, yeah, if you don't have money, you're just weird like me.

NANCY: Sketchy is a more appropriate word.

KYLE: Mmm, don't you have a Batman kissing Selina Kyle picture for one of your email accounts?

NANCY: Yessss.

NANCY: It's also my Ichat icon and my desktop picture.

NANCY: I should put some variety in my life.

NANCY: Here we go into quick-o-land.

NANCY: *quirky

KYLE: I thought you wrote "Vanity" and I was like "Yeah, I could use just a little more."

NANCY: Can never have too much vanity.

Arli$$ sucked, dude.

KYLE: Why be freaked out? Having loads of cool weapons and stuff would be fun.

NANCY: Vicki Vale, respected reporter, is really and seriously wearing a bad eighties prom dress.

KYLE: "King of the wicker people" is great.

NANCY: I know, Knox is so on top of his game.

KYLE: Good work, Bruce! Show those reporters who's boss.

NANCY: Kim Basinger is BEAUTIFUL!

KYLE: Robert Wuhl is NOT!

NANCY: Ha-ha.